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Don't worry, they'll improvise prisons for us

God. Damn.

Bro this is literally my old neighborhood. 😐

I miss when The Onion was satire

I'm convinced the administration is using ai to write their legislation. And purge the websites, so fucking lazy. Or that proves just how few people are this pointlessly cruel.

“Are there no prisons?” “And the Union workhouses? Are they still in operation?” “The Treadmill and the Poor Law are in full vigour, then?” - Scrooge

That’s not a flaw, that’s a feature.

Why did you include my house in this image?

Are we SURE this is satire? Really sure?

Take money from public schools. Build more prisons. It's the Louisiana way!

If they used the money they're spending on prisons to build schools and hospitals, they wouldn't need to build prisons. The Catholic Church should pay the indigionus people billions of dollars for taking children from their parents, and sexually abusing thousands of them with no consequences

The onion gets it.

The books they ban in schools they allow in prisons. The books they ban in prisons they allow in schools. Real G TikTalk what’s TikTok #PresidentHamill711 #EXPOSEninEELEVEn #ShankTrump iT iZZZ #jokerWHom ✏️🧠🃏 🃏 🃏

Telling poor people that God will strike them dead with lightning if they are bad isn't working very good anymore ...

generalstrikeus.com

Ouch 🤕

Fucking perfect. 👌

this is one of those Onion articles that is too accurate for its own good

Doesn't sound like satire, either.

You jest, but…

MOSA

Poverty's a mental illness, anyway.

Stop it! You should do satire!

Building more and more prisons for profit is an America disgrace.

I was considering this sincerely yesterday.

I - oh god why is there blood -inside- my armor??

It’s funny because it’s true

drive.google.com/file/d/1JBq-...

Older article, 2023. Have to build prisons quicker now. Homeless in 2024 is 18% higher in one of the richest countries in the world.

To close to the truth

That's weird, America is already starting to feel like a prison.

Living in that building on the right could be an extreme sport

Sen. Bryan King, R-Green Forrest, voices his concerns over the governor's $750 million, 3,000 bed state prison planned for Franklin County. www.youtube.com/watch?v=4YOv...

🤦🏾‍♀️

oof

Oh! So now your reporting on real news! What happened to the silly parody articles 😆

Alt Headline: Trump regime fixes housing problem.

What are you doing running a factual story?

Or start wars to send them to fight.

take that Ebenezer Scrooge!

Ooof.

OUCH

OMG!!!!,🤣🤣🤣

Why do I have a feeling more ‘Cop City’’s will appear.

It's easy to tell this is satire. In the real world, prison operators have no problem with overcrowding and starving their prisoners.

Wish this was parody.

One of the best things about Bluesky is that the Onion is on fire.

Therre is truly NOTHING FUNNY about The Onion anymore!!

Are there no workhouses?

Oof!

Oh. That’s a sick burn

I can’t with y’all sometimes

YEAH!! I've been on HOLD with @corecivic.bsky.social for days!! THEY'RE TOO BUSY IN LOUISIANA!! The future forced labor camps are overflowing in #Georgia! ✅️ IF #Georgians would vote to prosecute 16 and year old as adults too, we could speed up production on #military goods!! THATS #MAGA 🇺🇸🇺🇸 🌭

not even satire, shit

I mean, a balcony isn't a middle-class indicator or anything... ah, I'm talking nonsense: smash poverty!

AMERICANS WANT CHEAP #GLIZZYS!! 🌭🌭🌭🌭🌭🇺🇸✝️

You are not allowed to run this story, ONION!

This is sooo close to reality 😱

You are hitting it out of the park lately. Hard to satirize this horrible nightmare land but you’re nailing it

How to compete with cheap labor in China & Indonesia etc? More poor = more prisons paid for by the state as capitalists get more 40¢/hr workers. Destroy environmental regulations & worker protections ✅ Legalize child labor ✅ What a boom for the sociopathic capitalist class.

I should think they'd be better at maintaining the carefully crafted structure of poverty.

This one hits hard...

Too real.

This headline screams pre-ghost visit to Ebenezer vibes.

It's just as Jesus said: jail as many people as possible.

oof

I literally thought this was a real headline because it is SO ON BRAND for what's happening right now, how fucking dare you.

😲

Hey, stick to satire and stay in your lane. I go to The Onion to escape reality.

💀

That this hits so close to the truth is fucking bleak.

This (sadly) is too on the nose.

Oof

25% of 40-year-olds in the United States have never been married. This was a significant increase from 20% in 2010, according to a new Pew Research Center analysis of Census Bureau data. www.nevermarrieddating.com/members/1922...

FREE TO JOIN www.nevermarrieddating.com , the worlds only dating app website for never married people. 25% of 40-year-olds in the United States have never been married. This was a significant increase from 20% in 2010, according to a new Pew Research Center analysis of Census Bureau data.

🫡

They could be inhabited by nasty, woke, feminist penguins for all we know!

I really wanted this to be a delayed April Fools joke or a reject Onion article. I hate this timeline.

Considering there’s something called the “McDonald islands” I think we’ve already done enough damage there.

Really got to search hard for the satire in this! 💙✌️

Hard to tell truth from sarcasm these days

Onion, how many times must we remind you that you need to stick to satire and not just straight up report reality?