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I can't stop laughing. You know, in that frightened hysterical way.

Distress flares from detention centers included in the 7/4 celebrations by "shrug; not us" departments.

EXCELLENT OBSERVATION !!!!!

Port-a-potty mouth

Nah not this year

OR setting fires 🔥 for destruction

That’s about it. The death of democracy

Onion, you're supposed to post Satire you silly goose.

Okay, this gives me a hopeful smile.

It’s only 5:22 here, so…

The Onion is a legitimate news source. More so than MSM.🤨

Isn’t this supposed to be satire? You’re not supposed to be sharing actual news

My town set off fireworks last weekend, but had to end them early because they set a field on fire

July 4th, 2025 found the last remaining strawberries, blueberries & whipped cream left in all of America due to AI’s inability to harvest crops & milk cows.

You call it surviving?

Nice!

And Trump.deliberately signed that ugly bad bill today on our nation's birthday??? On purpose

Imagine if we actually did that? We would never get any sleep.

The Onion never fails to deliver

some of us just drink beer

bsky.app/profile/5nar...

To be honest, I thought (after election day) we'd be dead by now, and this idiot would start WW3 that would wipe us all out by now. It didn't help that I was having a near death experience from being asymptomatic to UTIs.

Happy No Kings Day everyone!!

m.youtube.com/watch?v=Tmoe...

Why celebrate Trump being an asshole and ruining our country 🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕.

I don’t think I have ever enjoyed fireworks less than I did this 4th.

Made me laugh 😃

Did we though? Did we survive?

while other nations around the world are setting off real fireworks just to survive

Celebrating the little victories. Can't help but love it.

They started setting them off here already. The sun won’t set for another two hours.

*Except for those who are missing their loved ones, who knows where, and those sheltering in place so as to not be terrorized by the infusion of $170 billion for the domestic terror campaign. The white guy at our LA mtn parade, waving his bastardized US/Don’t Tread on Me/Confederate flag was elated.

I don't think it did.

Truer words never spoken

Oof

youtu.be/MHBxGPbgH_c?...

What’s to celebrate? Americans thinking they are sooo great? My God, now there’s a change.

We haven’t survived.

leavingmaga.org

noticed that when I got spammed by SSA on the big beautiful bill of our glorious leader Donald Trump. So SSA is now spamming people with Trump propaganda, but a website has business hours.

Sanford, Florida lost it's whole fireworks show to a lightning strike. No one was hurt.

Aren’t these the lyrics to a Soul Asylum song?

We used to worry about independence of the country. Now we worry about independence of our people.

The day’s not over…

We need a mass strike date set asap & continuing at least once a week- work stoppage or halt. We need leaders and action items not threats and woes and the cliche "wake up America" we need a to do list, not a "oh no this is gonna happen" list. If we are going down- let's put on a show.

Saaaaaaaame. Weren't these people screaming about the price of eggs a few months ago? I guess they all have money for their explosives?

Not Even Funny

And the 📣GRAND OPENING OF🥁🥁🥁

SAD WHEN YOU DON'T WARCH FIREWORKS. WHEN YOU DON'T GIVE A DAME ABOUT CELEBRATING. THERE'S NOTHING TO BE JOYFUL ABOUT. LOOSING OUR FREEDOM HELL NO

Yep. Just watched the Boston Pops "We survived another day of the orange fucker" concert and fireworks on TV. Didn't feel much like cheering.

I did not celebrate the 4th this year. Our indepedance day was to commemorate our hard fought independents from the British and it's king. It no longer applies.

We can still celebrate our past!

Stick your fireworks up your ass.

Thats really true.😬

Thought The Onion was supposed to be satire. 😢

Suicide Solution

Hahaha! Awesome and sad but true

Day ain't over

Not far from the truth.

The Fourth was a day of deep mourning this year, at least for me and for all of the other lovers of freedom who can't help but fear that the last vestiges of American tradition and liberty have been swept into the gutter.

Barely.

Good one!

Crappy Farce of July

Make the Onion Satire Again

HAPPY 249 BIRTHDAY AMERICA!

I saw the large grand finale in Yolo County CA in youtube news. Otherwise, it is a waste to spew CO2 and go to crowds oohing and aahing.

In such cases survival is overrated.

The fireworks should have been canceled nationwide. There was absolutely nothing to celebrate.

We aren’t celebrating our freedom We’re eulogizing it

This feels 100% accurate. I really don’t understand or recognize the USA as a country anymore. The USA is running on hate and lies.

open.spotify.com/album/6BGUDd...

Surviving-ish

Sad state of America when one can’t tell the difference between the Onion & the actual news.

Once again, @theonion.com remains undefeated!! Thank you!! 🎉🎉🎉🎉

yep

interesting

You all must have a hell of a time these days coming up with headlines that don't reflect actual reality. This one is too real.

Surviving? You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

What’s the point now🤷‍♀️

Trigger warning, it could be ICE at your house.

It didn't though. The CSA won.

LGBT Fireworks 🧨🏳️‍🌈

The Onion got it right without describing much.

"So Now The Fuhrer donald Trumps guestoppo will grown bigger, and right under the publics nose, a New Army will arise like hitler to bring the following about; "The Awaking of The BEAST666 has begon!!"

bsky.app/profile/thee...

While we have the highest number of homeless people and military vets in desperate need of Healthcare this is where states and citys waste MILLIONS on about 45 minutes of noise and air pollution.

It would be a shame if we don’t buy up fireworks now. We could use the ammuni—I mean, sky sparkles for freedom-loving events 🎆✨🎇

Me too! 😞

It's just not funny anymore

It's a bloody joke

Dogs hide. Humans follow suit.

Funny yet true

There would be more celebration if some of us didn’t survive tomorrow I can think of a few…

Nothing says we’re all living in hell like lighting the country on fire. 😮‍💨

youtu.be/V2casy1vY7U?...

I'm honestly not sure we actually survived as a nation this time.

Did it though?

Have we survived?!!

NARRATOR: They in fact did NOT survive another day

The night is young.