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👍👍

Don't wait, just buy the rescue

This is the The Onion is the only news I trust.

Sounds good to me 😂

Checks out. I did this a few years back, really improved my health.

I mean Fuckin based

*hit da bricks meme intensifies*

I followed that recommendation 20+ years ago and can attest to its validity.

Doctors Prescribe Universal Basic Income

9 out of 10 employers hate this one secret.

As a retiree, I can confirm that this is great advice.

Unfortunately, it didn’t work. I mean quitting was fine but I passed by my place of work the other day and it was still standing. Well, you always don’t get what you want.

Always give them what they’re asking for.

Try tomorrow

Word

Fixed it

Hey, it worked wonders for me! 10/10, would definitely recommend!

#FckTrump and all his staff

Nope as a black man I'm not quitting without a new one lined up.

I needed this laugh today. Thank you Onion!

Jesus H I really din't need to see this right now. 🤣

Sorry but I’ve no idea what you’re talking about.

I remember a time when I could convince myself that work wasn't all bad But now it's micromanagement, KPIs, OKRs, meetings that could have been emails, extra tasks unrelated my job, "hi" DMs, shoulder surfing, ageism, open office noise, lack of parking, tiny COL bumps, dumb "training" videos...

Permanently on my desk (from @adbusters.bsky.social )

🤣🤣🤣

"We need you in the office so the executives can swing by with their golf buddies to show off how many lives they control"

Also my job at a meeting yesterday said there is not technically a law that prohibits how many hours we are limited to work in 24 hours, and that the max of 18 hours is just a old suggestion that can be subject to change…and it’s mental health awareness month at work too 🤣

The Onion is a National Treasure, thank you.

@woodrow.bsky.social

If I had done this I would have no retirement savings whatsoever and I would be dead because there’s no publicly funded health care system. I guess that’s why The Onion is what it is.

Agreed!!

Truer words were never spoken!

Saw this earlier today. Pretty sure it’s just for Government employees.

Done.

This joke was really funny back in 2017

I did it once early in career. Had a job offer but current employer promised “things would change” and gave me big raise. New employer knew the guy and said “totally understand, I can wait”. Month later, no change and $$ never materialized. Walked out, took other job, got the money in a lump sum.

This is the first bit of medical advice I’ve ever taken.

God I want to do this one day.

I did. And now I'm finer than frog hair.

I actually tried this “stand up and never come back” thing — turns out, walking away literally made me healthier 😅 No joke though, walking is kind of the real life cheat code for health. This article nails it 👉 glassalmanac.com/the-ideal-da...

A time tested management technique

We gnomes have never y seafood why they do it

Can recommend!

Most health experts I know would also recommend the abolition of Capitalism.

Once he's gone I am hoping they spend a lotta time in the federal government's "service"

Whoops, he accidentally wandered in front of a speeding truck…

This is the way.

That's what I did 5 years ago and I don't regret it!

A-wo-men

LMAO

I did, and it works.

😁😁

One weird trick

sounds like my mantra:

hysterical! thanks!

I did this once... 🫡👌

sounds good. today i spent ten minutes in the office because i had to double check the coordinates i submitted for an upcoming installation. (at no point in my life has doing office work been more than a tiny fraction of any job i've had, but i've had many friends who lived it)

Larkin's 𝘛𝘰𝘢𝘥𝘴 𝘙𝘦𝘷𝘪𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘥 is called for here. You're welcome. www.nybooks.com/articles/196...

Lmao