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Finally, a good solution to this problem, just look at this deadbeat laying in bed, I have half a mind to take away his cellphone prematurely, he never does anything!

Another bullseye.

Too real...

It could say this, on public television. And it's army of state bought media would immediately dismiss and attempt to downplay it.

The really sad part is that he would absolutely say something similar...

Democrats: "We are going to means-test the no penalty cell phone contract cancellation program for military families."

You remember back in 26’ when The Onion just started posting straight news?

With all that money you'll save, you can finally turn his bedroom into that billiard parlor you've been dreaming about

this got me 😭

lol. Onion. He spews lies like he shits in his diapers. On the regular.

Why are you blaming The Onion? Trump is the one who reduced regulation allowing telecoms to charge such high prices!

"...and oh, those Gold Stars. I love Gold Stars. I love GOLD. Beautiful, isn't it? You'll have a Trump Gold Star to TREASURE for the rest of your life, courtesy of OUR ADMINISTRATION. Won't that be just AMAZING? You should say Thank You." 🤮

The way I immediately accepted this as reality is concerning. There's no limit to how far the bar can drop with trump.

I just saved a hundreds on car insurance by getting rid of my whole family in a war

Even on his own platform, Truth Social, he had to TACO. First he said no transitioning for minors without parental consent, then he said none, period. He should've anticipated the backlash, right? But parental supremacy often conflicts with transphobia when parents support their children, supremely!

Boy just think how many sons and daughters we'll save when he's gone. What an absolute ass hole this guy is. Does he feel that way about Barron.

Give it time

Can you hear me now?

Trump found a silver lining!

The Onion has to go some to post ludicrous stuff given what’s actually happening. Sadly, this is closer to reality than I’d like.

Sorry for a minute I forgot this is from the Onion. You are coming so close to reality it is hard to tell the difference between the truth and sarcasm any more.

The fact that I didn't immediately recognize this as satire is telling quite a bit about the insanity of this administration.

WTF did I just read?! That actually sounds like DJT logic X_X

Sometimes the Onion is more believable than real life. Sigh