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The math is easy enough, but the question is wrong: no train in the US would ever get consistently above 40 mph.

Now this is a classic fucking Onion bit.

LOL

Where did this happen, and how long after leaving the station?

@sakarafox.bsky.social, do you know anything about this case that can be helpful?

BUT WHERE DID THEY MEET?!?

OMG!!! 😆🤣😂🤣

"or d) none of the above" 💯

Damn word problems

Investigators currently defining variables.

Lol

Yall had me for a second, sitting here like "I thought this was a satirical account".

OK, but at what rate of speed did the train slow down before arriving in Indianapolis, and conversely, what rate is the acceleration?

I really thought the joke was going to be that they were travelling at 75 or 80 miles per hour. Trick question. Trains don't travel that fast here.

trick question. They never meet because it's not a real route bsky.app/profile/sill...

this is no time for a backstory, there's a crash to solve!

assuming this was the amtrak floridian, apparently somewhere between pittsburgh and alliance, ohio

… Math story problems are real??? … BRB, I need to track down every math teacher I ever antagonized so I can apologize. I might be gone a while.

Authorities quickly give up and move on to next investigation

There was no smoke because they’re electric

This is the kind of veiled joke that I live for, bravo Onions

But the scores went up!

How bout them apples

Pardon the self-promotion, but I wrote a song about this. Track #4. zircona.bandcamp.com/album/passiv...

When will you guys get on the metric units train like the rest of society?

Wow, where did they bury the survivors?