hux | vtuber

28 Aug

💟 Disabled LGBTQIA+ Couple Needs Help!! I do really hate this. I hate feeling like we cannot make things work on our own but we are extremely nervous about making it the next 4 months. My mother cost my wife her job after I stood up to her severe abuse. We need help. 🧵 ko-fi.com/10centz/goal...

hux | vtuber reposted

I have been in mental health crisis for over a week, at this point and my wife had to take FMLA from her new part-time Spirit job to care for me and it means we have NO INCOME right now, not even Unemployment. Please help. Please spread this. I have never struggled this hard in my life.

hux | vtuber@1ocentz.bsky.social

I'm so sorry that my feed has become ... despair. I miss myself. I miss being who I was before all of this scary shit started happening. On Friday I called a mobile crisis unit and people came to my house for an assessment. They told me they would check in twice a day. They haven't.

After the psychosis on the 17th, I experienced hallucinations for 8 days. With nothing other than "try breathing exercises" to help me. It's hard to count my breaths when watching true horrors staring at me. I don't sleep well. It's been hard to focus or enjoy things. It's been a nightmare.

I don't even know why I'm typing. I feel like I'm not even worth helping let alone saving. I want things to get better. I'm fighting for my life right now and I know I'm not the only one I know so much scary shit is happening for everyone but I cannot even trust my own head anymore. I'm scared.

My emergency counselor appointment was cancelled. My emergency appointment with my psychiatrist was pushed back. The ER booted me the moment I acknowledged I am not a threat to myself or others. I have been in tears, begging people "please help me" for a week. I'm trying so fucking HARD.

hux | vtuber@1ocentz.bsky.social

I just feel so fucking hopeless.

Today was the first day in over a week where I did not experience hallucinations. I'm starting to think this can actually be managed. I'm exhausted. I haven't slept through an entire night for the same amount of time. Please tell me your sleep hacks. Your go-tos. 🥲

Weed is out. Melatonin does very little. I will not consume ZzzQuil. I do not consume alcohol. Honestly I'm too tired to list anymore limitations. I just need help. I wish someone, ANYONE, would actually help but it's been me and my (understandably) tired wife handling it hour by hour.

Another update: emergency appointment today. I am still experiencing hallucinations.

hux | vtuber@1ocentz.bsky.social

As an update to this: I'm doing so much better. Thank you all so much for the well wishes and concern from those who got in touch with me. I am on the mend, but I am very much on the right track.

As an update to this: I'm doing so much better. Thank you all so much for the well wishes and concern from those who got in touch with me. I am on the mend, but I am very much on the right track.

hux | vtuber@1ocentz.bsky.social

2 nights ago I experienced a mental break with full blown hallucinations and psychosis. I was released from the hospital yesterday. My emergency crisis appointment for today was cancelled and I have to wait until tomorrow. I'm not doing very good. I'm very slow and keep crying and shaking.

Hayley has put in FMLA for work so that she can stay home and take care of me. She just got this job. I feel terrible about everything. I'm scared and I've never ever been this tired.

Cool, so. I have never been this emotional in my life.

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Not only has he never laid a hand on a woman, he tried to take her to court at 20 to get his name put on the certificate, but my family won and basically told him to fuck off. And for 36 years I was told he did not want or love me. Today I found out he tried to find me. Mother knew this.

He was elated to speak to me, to find me. He was so excited to tell me that I have 3 half-sisters, one of whom lives in the city I am fucking living in. I do not have words ... for how this feels. I can't fucking stop crying. I have a dad.

Cool, so. I have never been this emotional in my life.

Today, at 36 years old, I spoke to my biological father for the very first time. This man's name is not on my birth certificate, and my mother made it very clear that this was because he is a terrible person who was violent with her when she told him she was pregnant with me. Turns out, she lied.

🔴 LIVE!! @ www.twitch.tv/1ocentz #gaming #re4remake #re4 #vtuber I have done some fiddling with settings both on my computer and in-game, and I am seriously hoping that it'll behave today. We're back at it!! God, wish me luck. We're on our way to 100 followers!! ✨ [91/100]

I'm so excited to get back into playing the #RE4 remake tomorrow. I haven't played this game since it was on THE GAMECUBE -- and it has been such a fucking blast. #vtuber #streamclips #horror #gaming

If you only do art for attention and numbers and attach your self-worth to the engagements your creations get, you are going to be miserable for the rest of your life and that is a fucking promise. You will never be satisfied. You will never be happy. It will never click and suddenly be wonderful.

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Please take pride in what you make. Please love it so much yourself that it doesn't matter what anyone else says. You gotta be your own biggest fan, fuck everyone else. Your work is wonderful ... and people WILL FIND IT.

There is a difference in talking with people about your work when you are starved for the attention/engagement VS. when you already feel content and now you get to pleasantly engage with what is more of a nice surprise rather than WHAT YOU NEED TO SURVIVE. You deserve the good things. Allow them.

If you post your artwork and love making it, people will notice in time. If you are active in artistic spaces and interact with other artists, you will slowly grow. It doesn't happen overnight. It's a lot like watching a pot of boiling water, obsessing over engagement. You need to stop doing it.

And this is coming from someone who used to absolutely be trapped in this same mindset. Art is all I have. Art is what I am proud of. Art is what I want people to see and connect with, but my pride and value as an artist has NOTHING to do with who does and doesn't click a button. Learn this.

You post art. 1❤️ You post another. Nothing. This makes you wonder why you didn't get that 1❤️. So you push a little harder and make another. New post. 5❤️! 5 is now the number that you have attached to your happiness and worth. 5 is a small number, but this number WILL CONSTANTLY CHANGE.

And you obsessing over getting that number is ruining the enjoyment of creating the art in the first place. Only YOU can make your creations and I know that you want people to see it and love it and talk about it ... but that shouldn't be the constant priority. That shouldn't be THE GOAL.

Character.AI filed for bankruptcy.

Using @obsidian.md to get super ready for this year's #NaNoWriMo!! I am having a lot of fun. This is only my vault for planning -- I have 2 more vaults: one for worldbuilding/character information & one for planning the story/book itself. I might do a video about them if people are interested.

hux | vtuber reposted

Preptober stuff as I get ready for actually participating in NaNoWriMo this year. I'm really excited, so I set up a little Obsidian Vault to make a bunch of plans before writing actually begins.

Preptober stuff as I get ready for actually participating in NaNoWriMo this year. I'm really excited, so I set up a little Obsidian Vault to make a bunch of plans before writing actually begins.

Just got a product magazine in my mailbox, opened the front cover, and was immediately greeted with a (labeled) AI image. The advertisement was for a shirt. A shirt. Not only that, but a shirt for BIG BODIES ... and they couldn't be bothered to show their ACTUAL PRODUCT on an ACTUAL PERSON. 🗑

This is the IDEA of a fucking product. I am a big & tall person ... I *NEED* to see how clothing fits ACTUAL HUMANS with my body type and instead I am given a "just give us $60 and trust us, bro." Fuck off with that shit. I'm done with KingSize. I'm so fucking sick of AI. Genuinely exhausted.

hux | vtuber reposted

wired-west.the-comic.orgWired WestSomething Hard To Name

I put my comic up on ComicFury, today. It makes sense, even if it's mostly for me. I'm really not looking to do anything fancy for the site for now; I really just wanna focus on making comics on occasion and posting them. I'm sorry that I am so low-energy with creating right now. I'm tired.

wired-west.the-comic.orgWired WestSomething Hard To Name

hux | vtuber reposted

[🏦🍀] WIRED WEST. #OCs A comic about something hard to name.

[🏦🍀] WIRED WEST. #OCs A comic about something hard to name.

22 Sept

Being an artist is so fucking exhausting right now.

22 Sept

This was also my immediate thought. Hopefully they will be open about needing help with some funding to stay up if they need to expand for more room. That being said. Neocities, y'all. You can hop from host to host but nothing is 100% promised. Make your own site!! There are templates to do so.

SarAAAHH N. 🎃@vermillionworks.bsky.social

Now going to be debating if I should half-ass revive my Webtoon mirrors, and/or dust off my ancient Drunkduck account and start uploading stuff there again. Hope ComicFury can handle all the incoming Tapas refugees. 😥

12 Sept

Better things are coming. I have been working very hard on my mental and physical health. That is the focus right now as I try to survive and rewire my nervous system. I am working on a new project occasionally, one that is entirely selfish, that I will likely wait to speak about or show off.

10 Sept

God I fucking hate what feeds of artists have become. It's just people barely holding onto a fucking hope, reposting each other's cries for help because we can no longer make ends meet, let alone find the emotional drive to engage with each other's work. We can't help each other. We're all broke.

It feels so hopeless. The rise of GenAI. The state of the world. The death of media literacy. Making art is exhausting. But I still think it's worth doing. I still think people should try to connect with each other with ways only human art can allow. I still think there is time. Create.

10 Sept

You may need to put art down for a while to stay afloat yourself -- but please... don't give up on art. Listen to music you love. Watch things that inspire you. Read books. If you look for it, art will be there when you get back. Things will get better. We're going to create again.

So many amazing artists I follow used to have Etsys, used to immediately back each other's Kickstarters, used to subscribe on Ko-Fi or Twitch because we acknowledge the effort it all takes -- these things were a given. Now? Our pockets are empty and we cannot show appreciation in this way.