Nora Moth 📓🩷💜💙🔓

Unless you are a witch… in the at case, who am I to tell you what to do.

If you aren’t dating a witch, then you aren’t doing it right.

The box left on the doorstep had no markings of any kind but, when I went to pick it up, it vibrated in annoyance.

Remember, when they go low, we go, holy shit, man, they did WHAT?! that’s fucking low like oh my god I had no idea there was anywhere lower to go but holy shit those motherfuckers are finding new fucking depths just holy shit holy shit wow fucking wow

The evil version of myself that I trapped in the mirror is always saying stuff like "let me out, I'm not the evil one, you're literally holding a skull right now". Be quiet or I'll throw my skull at you

Shirley leaned and whispered that she been trying a new moisturizer. Her breath smelled of vodka and spearmint.

When a celebrity dies who is your age, you should get a postcard to inform you.

I just bought beachfront property and I’m going to wait a couple years for the tide to come take everything.

These days, who has the time to get their skeleton perfectly clean?

He turns on the high beams and goes heavy on the accelerator, winding us up and down the old country road.

I looked for my keys everywhere. Turns out they were in my hand. In my other hand was a pitchfork and I wasn’t wearing my own clothes and I didn’t recognize anyone in the conference room.

Tammy and me clinked glasses as we toasted her dead husband.

The floods have turned our small town into an island again, drowning the non-believers and letting fall back into the realm of myth.

My new summer friend turned into a cloud of butterflies and migrated south.

Now that it’s colder, I’ve been doing 5Ks in the endless hotel hallway.

There are several things - one of which can’t be named - that have come to the attention (because of course it has) of an ill equipped local government official, who - despite prevailing evidence - should, as has been noted elsewhere, without formal authority, as to which, hereafter, therefore, uh…

I ask my neighbors what’s going on and Linda says “All I know is that whoever set fire to that house did not care for yappy little dogs that wake them up in the morning.”

Oliver eats olive after olive and then signals to the bartender for more - all because I made one comment about his name.

Wendy tells me that she only meets guys who are secretly aliens hoping to implant her with their offspring. She crosses her legs and looks out the window. I wonder if she is still thinking of becoming a mom.

With the seasons changing, kids are outside before the sun rises, waiting for the bus to take them to the reprogramming camp.

Looking for that single yellow-brown leaf to float gently to the ground, signaling the start of fall.

Tomatoes ripen and leaves fall, as the seasons stay too long and arrive too soon.

Ah, look how the cosmic squirrel nibbles at the edge of the moon tonight.

Drinking coffee and peering into the corn field that has moved closer to my front door in the night.

It’s important to make time for scurrying across the roof to properly connect with the insects of your home

My cat keeps trying to chew on the mask for my strange and secret rituals. It’s like she can sense its ancient power.

I heard a black hole described as a “yawning enigma.” I can be described the same way.

Police solve another murder by saying the killer was “the lessons we learned along the way.”

All birthing pods in front the courthouse were occupied this morning. Congrats everyone!

You know spirit that climbs into pots of water when you aren’t looking? She’s really good at blowing bubbles.

Are any of you in contact with the dentist who works out of the veterinary clinic. It’s kinda urgent…

I appreciate the dawn ritual to three-headed god as much as the next supplicant, but it’s still hard setting an alarm on the weekend.

I can’t remember which tooth I hid the cyanide capsule behind.

In reaction, I’ve been putting LSD in the coffee pot to microdose the office and jumpstart the singularity.

A coworker made up statistics for the financial reports. When caught, he said he was hallucinating. He was immediately promoted to Head of AI Integration.

It’s Monday morning again and the office is just endless hallways with doors that lead to other hallways. I’m glad I remembered to bring coffee.

The city has instituted volunteer-driven garbage trucks. There were just so many people who wanted to go through everyone’s trash.

No one else has shown up to work in the last three days. I’m going to assume everything is fine.

These new smoke alarms just whisper “Let the flames grow higher.”

If only we could harness the energy that comes from bewildering other people.

Nature sighting! The misting rain today will allow people to glimpse the outline of the invisible creatures that live outside your house - how fun!

News! The city’s recycling program has taken the monster formed from the remains of your enemies and entered it into a dog show.

Ending every sentence of every email with an exclamation mark!

Bad news! The city’s recycling program has taken the remains of your enemies and turned them into a multi-limbed monster crying out for revenge!

Good news! The city’s recycling program now accepts the disemboweled remains of your enemies!

Starting to think something is wrong with that tree that is bare in the summer and leafs out in the winter and whispers to everyone the day they will die.

Going to the park to feed coolant to the radioactive ducks.