Killeumier

When democrats get back in power we need to send this Stephen Hubbard guy straight back to Russia. We don't negotiate with FACISTS.

Good. Losers.

Yeah uh I also saw that Devil movie by Kurt i mean Ken Russell. I saw it too. And I liked it or hated it depending whatever everyone else is saying.

At this point, the blue wave is going to be so big and overwhelming, you really don't have to vote. I'm not going to.

The only voicemail I have saved on my phone is this one second recording of someone addressing me as “Captain” before it cuts out.

I'm the guy that holds a pencil near every animal at the zoo. 75% of their operating budget goes into the various pencils I buy and hold. It's a bad zoo too.

Meeting with and boosting far-right Canadians - that's the Democrat promise.

i got up early to explain Supertramp to a Caribbean prime minister

Jets win. Fuck to the Browns and the scumbag known simply as Deshaun Watson.

My NY district is solid blue with no exciting races so I'm trying to funnel all my enthusiasm into voting for Hochul. I coughed up a bunch of blood this morning.

Another weekday. Another message from daycare that pinkeye is going around

My only major gripe with the original Star Wars movies is that they should've called him Dark Vader. That way we know he's bad right from the start, instead of revealing it at the end.

i finally did it

I probably won’t see Digger but it would’ve been an A+ Letterman topic. “Hey Paul, uh, you seen Digger?” etc.

Apparently they added a deli counter

Making my kid a damn omelette every morning like she’s Richie Rich

I really thought he died or something. Too bad.

guy who fell into a coma after the last episode of fawlty towers wakes up and looks at the internet

Farming Simulator 25 Beans & Alpacas Edition (PS5/XSX) up for preorder at Best Buy ($59.99) buff.ly/PNLqczk #ad

Tom Brady just called a big throw “an absolute piss missile”

They taught it to gamble and how to find indexed liveleak vids on the wayback machine

The blue wave has gotten so big at this point, I don't need to vote anymore.

Me watching my daughter on the daycare webcam putting another obviously sick kid’s pacifier in her mouth: ooo mama can’t wait to get those germs all up in me

Gotta get me some of that strong, durable Israeli lumber

“So the movie’s called Digger. And I’m Digger. I think your fans will “dig” it!”

lmao

Nate Silver? The Gambling addict?

25th anniversary of me beating THPS for N64

Regarding the terrible events of 9/11, you do not, under any circumstances, "gotta hand it to em"

I’m in the mood to watch a DIY-style documentary about the skateboard scene in Southern California during the late 70s into the early 80s and also I’m in it and no one can do better tricks than me and I win the Xgames if that was a thing back then. Any recs?

this is the look of a man who just took a big dookie in the bathroom and is surprised to see someone waiting outside to use it.

No.

This totally ignores that these are official “Baby Day” screenings where the lights stay on and the volume is kept low. They even play a warning before the movie that the showing is for babies and crying is allowed so if you weren’t aware you can request a refund. But go ahead and shit on parents.

thought The Odyssey was broadly really really good but Nolan, going back to at least Batman Begins, has never met a fight scene where you can barely tell what’s going on that he didn’t like

Nobody ever explained to me what a passkey is or how they work. Websites just started asking me for passkeys like it's something we talked about.

new Strokes album today. pretty cool that's still happening in the year 2026.

They’re putting Haims in all sorts of movies now

how many GULP sexual erm.. (tugging my collar) p-p-partners have i had .. ?? well ah.. nine (reading the room and feeling like a loser) hundred (realizing this might make me seem like a womanizer) men (afraid of coming off like a serial monogamist) at once

It’s not coming home

Lol i did not know she sounded like that

Covered in spicy rib sauce, handling my baby like a bag of mulch