Beaker

Really did not want to see a picture of UFC fighter Conor McGregor's penis this morning. I was looking for a picture of my neighbour Conor McGregor's penis.

My girlfriend introducing me to her parents: And this is my mum, Margot Me, getting extremely nervous and putting on a Chief Keef voice for some reason: That's the shit I DO like

Guy who knew the guy Frankenstein’s dick came from seeing Frankenstein nude: “Hey is that Hank’s dick??”

Ah fuck. I'm a guy

Zootopia 2 sounds like something a rural loner gets charged with

When it comes to turning a can of Mountain Dew into a stream of hot piss you've really gotta hand it to the human body

New name unlocked for the dog: MC Goodboy

Is it 'Hasbro's lawyers'

Just watched The Godfather. I thought it was going to be about my dad's friend.

good time to get your novel about a literature professor who keeps having to dodge the advances of his most beautiful students published

When that guy from The New Radicals shouts WE'LL KICK YOUR ASSES... chills

Seeing Luis Antonio Tagle test driving one of those cars with the massive bubbles and sprinting to the bookies

Man's on that shit that made maui lose his hook

She prader on my willi till I- (my boss approaches and I expertly switch to the Yahoo Finance tab)

Yeah I think video game characters should have bigger tits. All of them. Imagine a whopping great pair of spaniels ears bouncing off Rayman's knees.

How it feels going out to pick up my dog's shits in the morning

Me, age 12, passenger seat of silver Volvo 240: Here we go, Dad. I'll put on my wu-tang tape. There's a bit of swearing and stuff but I think you'll really like them! 🤓 RZA: 99 CENT BEER DRINKIN, PUSSY STINKIN, FUCKIN SO MUCH YOUR ASS AND TITTIES START SHRINKIN

Dude you gotta check out the short story that chatGPT wrote. yeah it sucks ass but I actually really liked it, due to my low IQ

People say you can't give dogs chocolate but I just gave my neighbour's labrador a kilo of dairy milk and he ate the whole lot

They say do what you love and you'll never work a day again in your life, and it's true. I started harassing motorists with a cricket bat eight hours a day and haven't had a job since.

Hey man still got those walls

The Rolling Stones would be a pretty good name for a band

"There was so much food there mate you'd think they'd got... bloody... professional caterers in" An incredulous R Kelly

AI is incredible. Four years ago we had shitty pictures where you couldn't even tell what they are, and now we have shitty pictures and you CAN tell what they are

Girls that have a sort of low cunning 😍😍😍

A Facebook reel plays silently on your phone. I am standing at a urinal. I pull my trousers all the way down to my ankles, turn to the camera, shake my head and wag my finger. A red cross appears on screen.

A Facebook reel plays silently on your phone. I am standing at a urinal. I pull my trousers all the way down to my ankles, turn to the camera, shake my head and wag my finger. A red cross appears on screen.

If Paul McCartney dies first, Ringo should immediately announce a new lineup of the Beatles

The hamburger should be called the hamburgerburglar. Otherwise he's just some asshole who burgles ham.

Garfield the cat eats the same meal every single day. It would be very easy to assassinate him. I would hit him with a stick.

Guys that do heroin are fucking obsessed with it