Beeves, but over here

*slaps roof* yep I rebuilt this baby so now she runs on just pure feminine rage *gazes somberly into window* she is very, very tired

Yeah so basically “gray asexual” means you’ll spend four years blissfully single, goin for little walks, thinking sex sounds pretty icky, and then all of a sudden hot girl likes you back and you’re staying up late speedrunning shibari tutorials cause you’ve been outta the game too long

Pro tip, become their best, most valuable employee before you quit out of morality Your message will hit much harder when it actually hurts their business

A lot of women are in relationships with men they aren’t attracted to bc the expectation is that we’re turned on by being called pretty I’m supposed to be attracted to you calling me attractive - and you’re supposed to look like a thumb that shops at Kohl’s or else the bros call you gay I’ll pass

Friends the love of my life likes jersey sheets what am I supposed to do Do I try to change her or do I suffer

At least twelve men in the last couple months have introduced themselves to me and are visibly disappointed that I didn’t remember their stupid white guy name I’m sorry Paul/Joe/Chris/Mike/Dave, you have no discernible personality and you’re not giving me money, you have not reserved a brain cell

If your runway collection includes a “message” and a can of red spray paint please stop designing clothes and start reading your very first book

“But sometimes rich person give big money to good thing” Some fucking guy who’s grandpa owned a steel company should not get to single-handedly decide whether a hospital gets built, why are we this comfortable with aristocracy repeating itself

I have queered the algo so hard that I now get targeted ads for both menstrual cups and FFS

Sometimes I consider deleting this app and then I come on here and someone slanders the NYT so good I spit out my juice

Life is an RPG and every taco place that’s between a vape shop and a liquor store is a save point

Tipping guide: Leave an amount that you would be pleasantly surprised to receive. If you have no frame of reference, ask a friend who works a tipped job. If you have no poor friends, tip 100%.

We have been living in a post-trump America for nearly ten years. It will never be over. The damage from this administration will last as long as the nation does. That’s why it’s important that your identity, and your intergenerarional intentions, are not centered on the identity of a state.

I’m not saying break up with your girlfriend I’m just saying how good are the poems she’s written you lately

There will now be two bathroom designations, Gay and Other Get out of my gay bathroom and leave us alone Go and pee with the cis men you think are so normal and safe, Linda

Never question the commitment of a woman who voluntarily gets in a 20 min line to use the bathroom when she was assigned the express lane at birth

Maybe the reason you think trans people are taking over even though they make up 1% of the population is because trans people keep being badasses who are really good at shit Like trans people are 1% of the population but they’re 20% of the people you’ve heard of Get good

Demisexuality has fun little Easter eggs sometimes Like I just found out apparently people get very nervous about using the bathroom at a new partner’s house in case something embarrassing happens Adorable By the time I’m attracted to someone we have already shit in the woods together

I’ve spoken to two adults in their late 30s this week who honest to god believe in dragons Like “we came up with dinosaurs to explain what was actually dragons” and “there are still Komodo dragons so why wouldn’t there be other dragons” I did not headbutt either of them and I would like a biscuit

Today a man said to me “can I ask, are you tall?” Like in person I was sitting next to him I said “I don’t know sorry” Ask surrealist questions get surrealist answers 🤷🏻‍♀️

Cool I’m getting targeted ads for Datura derivatives Hey kids, please don’t eat plants just cause the Internet told you they’re magical Datura will make you be dead

I miss when journalism wasn’t designed to generate a comments section

Me in 2005: “wow 2nd wave feminism was so crazy for saying you can’t be straight and a feminist” Me in 2026, looking around at the straights: “…. They may have been onto something”

Feminism isn’t your man acknowledging that you’re smarter and wiser and more mature and more capable and carrying all the responsibility - feminism is respecting yourself enough to be with someone who’s on your fucking level.

The best place for a Nazi is in three different dumpsters

A good thing to remember at museums is that, when something is really a gift, you don’t insist on it being labeled as “gift from me” forever. Rich people don’t understand gifts.

Wow I’m really glad Suzanne Collins’ work had such a broad reaching impact and got so many children familiar with the basic mechanics of oppression & resistance However I would also like you, an adult, to please ffs stop saying “Omg it’s just like hunger games” and read a real history book

People keep being like “bc of autism I thought people were serious when they said ‘let’s get coffee’ but it turns out nobody means that” My guy we most definitely do mean it. Allistic people arent just handing out fake invitations as a matter of course. Those people are called ‘assholes.’

I hope we can all admit to ourselves that if all we’re doing is yapping about what should or shouldn’t happen, then what we’ve really decided to do is wait and see what happens.

When white people refer to colonial powers as “we,” as in “when we took over the continent,” it’s always worth asking: Who is “we?” Are they taking care of you? White people don’t know what community is because of we did, we would immediately stop thinking of whiteness as our community.

IMO calling in sick to work is part of interviewing your boss. Do it early. If they: - push you to come in anyway - imply you’re lying / need extra proof - point out what an inconvenience it is for them - try to use it to turn your coworkers against you … begin your exit.

Protect the dolls means maintain line of sight on the dolls. Place yourself between strangers and the dolls. Notice what makes the dolls uncomfortable, keep them from having to deal with it. Accompany the dolls into cis spaces, leave when they want to leave. You have an aura of privilege. Aim it.

It’s good to periodically look around and ask yourself how many of your friends would fight a cop for you Especially now

But if there was a man in my bed where would my breakfast go

What’s actually gonna happen is 1,000 years from now a trans archaeologist will dig up your bones and cry because it’s the most profound moment in her life

You live in a society that produces people who just don’t see anything wrong with murder. They want to do it. It feels cool. The state seeks those people, and gives them tools and permission to murder, when it is useful to the state. That is who we’re dealing with.

The officer took Pretti’s gun and fired it into the ground. This will be reframed in court as evidence that Pretti fired shots. This was not an accident. These dogs are not untrained.

It is not about needing a different president anymore. The movement using him as a figurehead has a paramilitary force of their own now, that your government is allowing to patrol the streets and execute dissenters. These boys will not snap out of it once he stops telling them to do this.

Don’t let your loneliness lower your bar. It’s better to have empty chairs around your table than to fill them with people who don’t get you. Your people will find you, and you want to have room for them when they do.

I gotta say I am about done with fantasy fiction’s obsession with royalty. Everybody always has to be Princess this and Duke that and The Last of the Noble Line of whatever I don’t care about these prissy rich people give me a laundry wench and give her a dragon

Me: Yeah I’m gonna have to do this thing that’s gonna be really hard and dangerous - if you freak out and dump all your anxiety about it onto me, I can’t really handle that as well, so I’m gonna frame it as a fun silly little time “Omg you’re so adventurous!” 🤗 Me: Good it’s working

Listen it is kind of annoying when men see you doing something difficult and assume you need help But it is 100x more annoying when men see you struggling and just stand there and hit on you while you’re obviously busy

You live in a country that killed a revolutionary leader and then gave you the day off school about it

I love it when libertarians say “taxation is theft” and then I say “does Hobbes’ Leviathan really apply here though?” And then they gape at me like I uttered a wizard’s curse because you actually can’t be a libertarian if you’ve Googled your catchphrases

A boycott is not an individual choice. It is an organized collective action. You are not boycotting Amazon if you don’t know which organization asked you to boycott Amazon, nor the status of their negotiations with Amazon. Hope this helps.

There’s no such thing as an ethical diamond because if you can afford diamonds you’re hoarding wealth. That is literally the point of fine jewelry. Stop pretending you’re not rich.

Truly my reddest flag in dating is someone who can’t pick friends What do you mean you’re cool and smart and kind and funny and hot but you hang out with people who treat you like shit? And you expect ME to hang out with them? Absolutely not

Target is the fae realm. 10 minutes inside Target is 3 hours in real life. I know we’re not supporting Target right now I just wanted to let everyone know this also applies when all you’re doing is peeing.

The dazed, leisurely pace of rich tourists at a busy truck stop bathroom has made me realize rich people probably don’t normally pee and they’re just trying it out while they’re on vacation

Excellent banjo player, this guy. Will be putting him on even heavier rotation now.

Just so we’re clear, even if we buy the ICE narrative: the way to neutralize a threat when they’re driving a vehicle toward you is not to shoot and kill the driver. That’s a great way to make the problem immediately worse. Nazis are always stupid. Remember this.