Ben Zelevansky

Heck yeah we do!

I have always been opposed to capital punishment, but am reconsidering now that I’ve learned about “couples comedy.”

Phoenix, sonned. #TBAGTWTC #RCOTA

TBAGTWTC IYKYK

One thing I do at the Noho Home Alliance when there’s downtime at the mail and hygiene window is parcel out jumbo packs of Q-tips into baggies of 6 so that as many of our guests as possible can have a few days’ supply to take with them. Anyway, yes on 40. No on 41 and 42. nohohome.org/donate/

I too enjoy missing the entire point of a movie

It’s a good one, folks!

When the right wing ratfucking squad sends their people…they're not sending their best

It’s official. I have been Digger-pilled.

I don’t know much about baseball but it may be time for the Dodgers to consider signing some high-priced free agents

And Zaslav wept, for there were no more vital pieces of a formerly thriving industry for him to fuck up

There was a time in this country when it was considered no big deal to name a child Mortimer

“One thing I’ve learned from all this is that it really is a mad, mad, mad, mad world.”

Great news for Sophie Cunningham who now has a nice long offseason to make as many cringe-ass TikToks as she wants

While you were partying, I studied the blade. Then I studied another blade, then another, then another. And that’s how I invented the Schick Quattro.

The eternal struggle: make progress on any one of three projects that I’m legitimately excited about or go over to the other site and scroll through what the world’s loudest dumbest most toxic bigots have to say about women’s basketball

Jackie Young dogging Kelsey Mitchell’s every step. CC giving Stephanie Talbot a full five feet of space in the corner.

WHY DON’T I HAVE TEN MILLION DOLLARS 🤞🏻🤞🏻

Why does Lynne Roberts still have a job

Sure, gas may be $38 a gallon but at least it’s safer to consume than beef

Mulling over a new story for Deathbed about a terrifying shadow dimension populated by all the people who send the automatic “Hi, is this available?” message on Facebook Marketplace then immediately vanish forever

They should have a “Previously on…” but for books. How the hell am I supposed to remember who Reggie is

Congrats to the amazing Widow’s Bay and hey speaking of horror/comedy subscribe.deathbedwriting.com

I will also say that a lifetime of playing head, shoulders and torso better than her competition has done Caitlin Clark’s mindset no favors at the professional level

I’ve noted an interesting phenomenon wherein I seem to appreciate Breanna Stewart’s game way more when she’s not playing against my team

Crazy that there’s only one truly funny person in this lineup and even crazier that he’s also an NBA Champion

Oh cool an all-new set of size templates on the way for social media posts, can’t wait to redesign everything and for all previous designs to look fucked up

Just got back from the meeting, we in the Oaf Community have voted unanimously to censure and expel John Fetterman

I get that people want to demolish the ballroom ASAFP but converting it to federally subsidized housing would be much less wasteful and would make him way madder.

This is fine, but I would appreciate it if foreign heads of state would just post stuff like “The American president is a lying incontinent halfwit and there is no earthly reason for anyone to pay attention to anything he says”

I wonder if there’s like one guy who is in charge of all of the country’s food safety and if that same guy slashed budget and personnel for inspections and whether any journalist might ask him about the near constant daily food recalls we are dealing with

“Why don’t they just follow the rules instead of coming here illegally”

What is taking the leader of the free world so long to inform us all that Dolly Parton was overrated

What on earth is the point of making piles of money if you don’t do what Dolly Parton did with it #RIP

LMAOOOOOOOOOO somebody finally asked the transphobes if they know any WNBA players besides and NOPE

The phrase “American business leader” can kick rocks, just say “some rich guy”

Disappear forever