gadiv

The Virginia Opossum is North America's only native marsupial.

The hottest anyone has ever looked in a movie.

If you really think about it, veins and arteries are just suggestions, really.

Praying is an excellent way to do nothing at all, maybe this time I'll give it a try.

imagine what kind of dickheads dinosaurs must have been for god to dunk on them with an asteroid smh

The kitten was the size of a bag of Utz party mix.

Hanging with the boys on a Chewsday, no stress.

Thinking about young Jerry Dandridge, plotting to get revenge on all the childhood bullies that called him "Jerry Dandruff" as he researches how to become a vampire.

And some bootlicking muhfuh will be like YoU dOn'T hAve a CoNsTiTuTioNaL riGhT to SaFe cAT FoOD. www.youtube.com/watch?v=_5op...

You're never too old to get something stuck in your nose and have to go to the ER. #foreveryoung

Everyone involved in this process — including the Palantir employees — have to be investigated and probably go to jail.

🎃

We should work hard to normalize referring to baby spinach as "spinach veal" so that it's not so weird when I ask for it at the grocery store.

2026 also marks the 100th anniversary of the death of the daring Bobby Leach, who, upon returning to Niagara Falls fifteen years after he barreled down them in a steel vessel, unfortunately slipped on an orange peel and broke his leg, dying two months later after gangrene and other complications.

This Halloween will be the 100th anniversary of Harry Houdini's death and it's kinda weird nobody's interested in that, but then again Israel is committing genocide on the Palestinian people on their own homeland. #Houdini #Halloween

Objective, Honest Media: [Accurately describes a current and ongoing Genocide of Palestinians] Conservative, Jackbag Media: "You keep saying 'genocide' so much, it doesn't even mean anything anymore! Don't you know that words lose their meanings the more you correctly use them?"

It's really comin down out there (civilization)

If you think about it, Elon Musk is kind of the opposite of a eunuch. His scheming sucks, he's fathered way too many children, and he messed up his own penis.

[screaming into the void]

Calling Robert Kraft a wealthy corpsemaxxer that "builds bridges" only so the IDF can bomb them goes harder than anything the media over here is putting out

Macklemore: Palestinian children are people. Robert Kraft *actively getting a handjob from a strip mall prostitute he refuses to tip*: We must ban this hate speech from every stadium in America. Let me call up my friends, the Epstein client list. Ed Sheeran: Good point, sir. Both sides, sir.

thank god

BELOW: Donald Trump honors the victims of 9/11 by flying his eyelids at half-staff.

happy birthday star trek

Just thinking about my bud @slime-golem.biz

Roasted Insect Nachos

get it, because like

On a scale of Yee Haw to Hell Naw, I'm feeling pretty Aw Dang today.

An American Tail: Fievel Goes HAM

standing at the cash register when nothing is happening: i’m being exploited. my coworkers and customers are being exploited. every last product here is a physical manifestation of an exploitative supply chain. this place is a literal hell. me when a customer walks in: hello! how are you today? 💖😊💖

"Centrist" Democrats are conservatives. They are hijackers here to steer the party away from serving the interests of constituents and toward serving the interests of corporations and billionaires.

"I think I'm about to die," he said, half-heartedly.

Literally being the Death Panels that they used to scare everyone whenever the topic of healthcare reform is on the table. Nevermind that private insurance companies have always been Death Panels.

An account with this avatar was just blocked.

This freakin' guy, amirite?

To be loved is to be changed.

Mega Man X: "Do you know why they named you Zero?" Zero: "...why?" Mega Man X: "Because that is your value."

Knock knock. "Who's there?" Botha. "Ha ha, Botha Deez Nutz?" No. Theunis Botha, a South African hunter who died on safari in Zimbabwe while hunting elephants in 2017. An elephant grabbed him with its trunk and he was crushed to death when it fell on him after a fellow hunter fatally shot it. 🐘

thinking about the goldfish i had back when i was in 2nd grade or so he kept jumping out of the fish bowl and we rescued him from the carpet several times but now i get it i understand

If you missed the solar eclipse, this is what it looked like:

<3 @cardsagainsthumanity.com www.cardsagainsthumanity.com/elonhasnofri...

Fuck I forgot how bad Malört is. Why did I just spike a Pabst with Malört? What a fool I am.

I hope you had a good time when the times were better, dude. May your example inspire ice cream men forever.

🎯

~Oops, I did it again~ ~I ate the Hot Fries~ ~The entire bag~

It's dudes like Jared Leto that build the quiet mythology of people making deals with the Devil. How could this guy exist as he does without some infernal contract behind him? Only the machinations of Hell could have pushed such a creepy dweeb onto this career trajectory.