Winks

My least favorite parts of watching the big game are the breaks where a parade of cattle-eyed sexual deviants tell me lies

Sneezing is the only time I’m granted the liturgical authority to perform blessings.

I have created a resource I think we could all benefit from. www.heavymusicwithin60or70milesoftoledoohio.com

Millennials love to listen to their books and read their movies. Okay???

We must kill Pando before it covers the entire world

Why do John Husted’s eyes look like his mouth

Pop of Roach

Grok, how do I escape the clutches of a world-bestriding empire rending itself apart before my very eyes?

"Right on" is the sort of weird affect I would also find myself putting on for no reason in this kind of situation

God willing I shall never become embattled

Jon Taffer's mosh call before the breakdown hit at the 2015 Americans For Prosperity convention still hits all these years later. The pit was legendary.

"'tis better to be feared than loved" - a scary guy

V should be later in the alphabet

If a midwesterner says “Hwelp” let them go. The conversation is over. Any further talk will feel to them like being physically detained, which they will express by occasionally rocking back on their heels.

Fuckedupedness

you know when Matthew McConaughey listened to a recording of nature so his animal body could tolerate being isolated in the vacuum of space? that's podcasts for us

Brian is actually the dog. The baby is called Brian’s Monster.

Regarding VAR: Why the fuck would you show me something if I can't have it?

If LeBron was born 3000 years ago we’d be studying poems about him in college

Switching back to boxers so my daily experience of getting dressed is like trying to stuff a sleeping bag back in its case

If England gets its own World Cup team so should Ohio

Seeking out the most blockheaded, idiotic, knuckledragging acid doom. Sonic Demon might take the cake. youtu.be/G4hVAh57Vfo

Getting kicked off of Jeopardy because I scream FUCK!! after every wrong answer

I’m thinking of Bill Simmons in these trying times. And I’m smiling!!

Reading about ethical debates

I came here to kick ass and chew bubblegum. And boy is my jaw tired.

Beef Stew, I salute you

Moderate Dems trotting out the slime covered pig roast of The Obama Years and insisting “It’s still good! It’s still good!”

Logging on and getting insanely mad at moderate democrat posts. This is good for me.

Trust me, I’m normal

Heard my wife say "Where are all the table spoons?" from the other room and I haven't the heart to tell her I've bent them all with my mind

We all hoped Caitlin Clark would be Steph but what if she’s Monta Ellis

They should walk around with a platter of free cigarettes for the parents at the zoo playground.

Al Cisneros can't be releasing Sleep singles that don't have Matt Pike on guitar. That band already exists, it's called Om.

JD Vance is like if a troll had a pituitary gland problem that shunted all of his growth-energy toward producing grease.

I have a koi pond if you want me to help with the reflecting pool

Remember last year when the Inside crew did a whole goodbye tour and took over the all star game and now they’re on my TV still?

Insanely ugly championship shirt. 60 year old smoker stepmom chic.

Donte Divincenzo sitting at home staring into space smiling peacefully

Now I have to watch baseball?

Spurs guard are freaking the fuck out

In a tied game, four minutes to go with your season on the line you’d be stupid not to play your Luke Kornet and DeAaron Fox lineup

Watching Wemby play dirty against the Knicks is funny but the instant he does that shit to Cade Cunningham I’ll be calling for him to be broken on the wheel

Is Rudy Giuliani dead or what

I can't group chat because I won't give bluesky my birth certificate or whatever but you guys have fun