Bloom 🐣⁉️

It makes sense to me that I've never had a dream job because I do not dream of labor, but it sure has made it difficult to find any sense of direction for anything I'd remotely enjoy doing long-term.

I think I just have this overarching feeling like this world was not made for me. Obviously true, but I feel I have tried so hard to adapt. But it feels like the numbness has been my only way of surviving. I'm trying so hard to break it, even if I will just end up in this same place again

It makes sense to me that I've never had a dream job because I do not dream of labor, but it sure has made it difficult to find any sense of direction for anything I'd remotely enjoy doing long-term.

I'm trying so hard to do all the "right" things. Working to support myself & my partner so we can have health insurance. Saving what I can. Going to therapy. Trying to maintain connections. But everything feels so dull. It's hard to find any meaning on any given day. So often I just want to give up

It makes sense to me that I've never had a dream job because I do not dream of labor, but it sure has made it difficult to find any sense of direction for anything I'd remotely enjoy doing long-term.

I scored low on all my test results. All categories of job can go up to an interest rating of 40. My highest was 11. My biggest priority was "time freedom", which tells me my biggest priority for a job is how much I'm not forced to interact with said job

It makes sense to me that I've never had a dream job because I do not dream of labor, but it sure has made it difficult to find any sense of direction for anything I'd remotely enjoy doing long-term.

I really tried earlier this year. I registered with a career center, did some assessments. I thank the counselor I spoke to for being so patient with me.

It makes sense to me that I've never had a dream job because I do not dream of labor, but it sure has made it difficult to find any sense of direction for anything I'd remotely enjoy doing long-term.

I think I don't have any strong feelings towards the oot remake, but I always wonder when the pendulum is going to swing the other way. It's cool that Nintendo is making these incredibly-detailed remakes now that they have the capability, but I'd rather it not stay this way

I've seen a handful of people say "this is what the game looked like to me as a kid", but for me...no? Like I understood there were hardware limitations, but that graphical simplicity was part of the game's identity. Things are lost when you push things towards photorealism

Happy Birthday worm family!!! 💛🧡💚💙💜

Trying to read more to understand where my therapist has guided me. I just keep coming back to the topic of emotional numbing. It's not as if I don't feel joy or sadness. But I draw blanks at "how do I want to spend my time", "what makes me feel valued", "what gives me a sense of fulfillment", etc.

It's just frustrating. Being in your 30s, having lived life, having been able to answer these questions at some point, but now it's just.. blank. I can recognize when I'm doing something I "like", when acts of kindness are given to me, but I can't point to anything that really resonates

Even though I'm not involved with sm64 whatsoever, this tas is one that feels very close to my heart. 2009 was the year I discovered all the incredible tas work being done in SM64, and what ultimately got me into speedrunning half my lifetime ago

I recently came across the word demigirl, and idk how I hadn't seen it before but something about it feels like it fits. I'd say I definitely lean femme most of the time

I've been doing some speedruns for Project Reignition; an excellent fan remake of one of my favorite Sonic games. Here's a playlist of all my runs so far youtube.com/playlist?lis...

Met with a career advisor today and found it interesting that both her and my therapist say I'm in an "exploration phase." I'm 33 next week and it feels more like exploration life 🥲