Boo! viated

My name is Flavio and I lost an election so hard that I have to flee the country

If you're updating your Instagram chat bubble status you are a different kind of creature than me

Maybe this is #JustaGuyThing but who else thinks they could win over the trust of a pack of gorillas by cooking a few morsels of their food for them, and maybe by fending off a jaguar or snake with a rudimentary spear? I think about it a lot.

Jerking on and off. Jerking back and forth. Jerking to and fro. Jerking fort and da.

Tinder has a thing for 'Group Dates' now. So sometimes a single guy like myself is shown a group of women to swipe on for some reason, I get to imagine how three different bombshells might react to me asking them collectively on a date, I get to imagine that they aren't even laughing at me.

Nuclear level hot take, but the only people still opposed to Coke Freestyle Machines are gatekeeping Sodajerks who don't want the Other creating their own unique takes on floats, malts, or heck, even just a classic Coca Cola with a spritz of Hi-C.

I first knew that I wasn't like other guys when I said that Fairuza Balk in Waterboy was kinda hot, and my friends on the football team said "What, bro?"

Did you guys know that this is the jacket that Mr. Rogers was wearing when he said "Look for the helpers" www.youtube.com/watch?v=1geW...

I think I will have to die tragically and prematurely for people to finally get around to watching my movie recommendations.

Okay I think I've read enough about this horse.

YouTube comment from someone who imagines that he is the horse Secretariat when he's sad. Reply from Brenda Dale who says the horse is their personal hero.

Pierogie mid-yawn into Pierogie mid-yap

A guy like me needs to read more things like this

Pretty girl on Jeopardy 🙂 She acts like she knows everything 🙄

A Like is a smile expressed in ones-and-zeros.

Trying to break some guy on the wheel, not really getting how it works, just spinning him around. I guess I thought centrifugal forces would hurt him or something. I can tell he's trying to act like it sucks, like he really hates this. I get frustrated and try to stop it real fast and hurt my hand.

They messed up when they made idle hands sound kinda sexy

Last night I dreamed up the perfect beat for Ice Spice, but now I don't even remember how it sounded. I don't even like Ice Spice, I don't think anyone does. A torturous tantalism or glimpse into a better world?

Earlier tonight I caught myself knocking on wood after making a joke about Freddy Krueger burning to death

Another endearing image decorating the wall of my gym. A tribute to Chief's Wife.

Gym I go to has a lot of amusing brickabrack on the walls, among them is a tournament bracket from 1989 documenting a dog show for Pit Bulls featuring a dog named "TNT Otis"

You don't have to be goth to gatekeep goth, funnily enough.

People who judge me by my behavior never consider my incredible intentions.

A period of history that I'm fascinated by is the era when fitted caps went out of style and snapbacks came in. An era when a lot of intolerable knuckleheads had to reflect and admit change, most for the last time in their life.

There's a scary narcissism in saying that you think a movie is good just because YOU liked it.

Great @npr.org piece, biggest takeaways: • extra bananas are not a long term replacement for grooming time • gorillas might be the strongest, but the orangutan's wit is unmatched • when it comes to 'monkey business ', it's not all fun and games

Someone shared this insane YouTube channel they found in a discord server, and imagine our shock when we connected the dots and realized where we recognize the couple from. That's good.

I used to think ATMs were connected by underground tubes.

Tim should be grateful.

You ever look at Instagram on your phone while you're sitting on the toilet and see a nice picture of a pretty lady who you're friends with while a turd is slipping out of your ass — and you think, sorry? Like, this is probably the wrong moment to simulate eye contact with a pretty girl? I'm sorry.

What??