Bria Bryant

Vulva sounds a little bit like a Pokemon “Vulva used wrap! You can’t escape!”

My favorite part of the fake moon landing conspiracy theory is that it required a very famous director at the time to pull it off. Like if instead it happened today, 20 years later people would be saying actually it was directed by Yorgos Lanthimos and A24 produced it.

Ed Sheeran and The Weeknd’s corny asses probably thought they was Remmick and Sammie on Dark Times lmao 🥴

I hate reaction videos unless the reactor is 75+ years old. Only old people have anything funny to say and it’s because they are often the only demographic that you can trust are not hamming it up for the algorithm/ thumbnail

Zoe Kravitz the only person to have a half black half white mama and half black half white daddy and come out one eighth black

The way some of yall talk about your baby daddies/baby mommas I think I would simply invent time travel, go back, and create my child via splitting like an amoeba instead

If you still have the chance and haven’t seen Your Mother Your Mother Your Mother, go do that.

Have y’all noticed that high-pitched speaking voices went out of fashion and now all the teenagers seem to intentionally sound like Billie Eilish

A lot of little music edits in reels do not hit as hard as they think they do. but Plug Walk x Heaven or Las Vegas / Rich the Kid x Cocteau Twins mashup is kind of 🔥

I forgot JD Vance had a job so I saw something he shared labeled VP and was like “why is this guy posting from a VP account? VP of what??”

Bout to sleep on a 50 minute flight ya girl is fucking exhaustedddd

The sense of superiority I feel when I’m a normal customer in line behind a complicated customer >>>

Girls who like really do ballet: do you ever feel the urge to show up at one of those influencer pop-up ballet class events that have little frosted cookies and sparkling cider in baby flutes and a cutesy color palette and just smoke everybody

Airports! start labeling the last bathroom before the exit

One of my more cancellable airport tweets is “some of y’all coughing so much you sound like you’re flying to attend your own funeral”

Couples if you get in a fight at the airport yall better really be in a fight. None of that “I’m kind of annoyed with you so I’ll walk one and a half shoulder widths away” shit. Yall are easier to manouver around when you walk either close together or far apart

It’s [BLUESY POP BALLAD PLAYING] season bitches

Alternate universe country but with public transit Carrie Underwood going to jail for domestic terrorism because her man cheated

Carrie Underwood’s ex buying a cheap $60 bicycle off Facebook Marketplace so the financial risk profile next time he cheats is lower than the last

Just finished rehearsing Waltz of the Smowflakes, sweating, kind of loving life rn

People who park over two parking spots should get picked up by a claw machine and moved somewhere else