Champi(JUMP-SCARE)

My wife doesn't like the smell of WD-40, can anyone suggest a better lubricant for sex?

Must be hard to become a celebrity when you don't have a name.

For the avoidance of doubt, I was joking. Unless it wasn't funny, in which case I was being sarcastic.

Waiter, do you have frogs’ legs? No, this is a Wendy’s.

In my mind it’s right, looking in my cupboards it’s left.

Don’t cha wish your chocolate was hot like mine? Don’t cha?

Nearly changed all the clocks now, but my toothbrush still thinks I’m leaving it a bit late to clean my teeth.

Sad to say that whenever Google* say they are doing something for my convenience, I just assume it’s another chance for them to grab more data. *other data scraping companies are available.

Gherkins AND boiled sweets? In this economy?

There is probably a non-zero number of people who have suggested "Take it up the" as one of those amusing names for gritter trucks.

Scary thought for Halloween: Maybe all these leaders aren't as stupid as they seem, and are doing all this for their own personal gain.

Yet when I do a doodle of my cock…

Seems legit.

Sandra Hüller IS Olivia Colman AS Imelda Staunton In "Dame: The Dame Judi Dench Story" AS "M," who will return in "Avengers: Doomsday."

Middle aged rocking out The Tragically Hip Replacement

Rattle be the Day #ASongOrMovieForAnimalSounds #HashtagGame

All this talk about buying a self powered radio, it’s a wind-up, right?

“Tell us how we did” Your printer needs fixing.

This used to be our local, literally lived across the road from it.

Middle aged rocking out Kid(ney Stone) Rock

A socially responsible form of mutual annihilation.

I like big buttes and I cannot lie...

NHS criticised over early release policy. #SixWordStory #WritingCommunity #Halloween

Delight: Darken #UxbridgeEnglishDictionary #UED

The Gooch, the Pad and the Googly #SportJargonInASongOrMovie #HashtagGame

LBDouble-U Indemnity #SportJargonInASongOrMovie #HashtagGame

Apparently, when the missus asked me to take her to Poundland, it wasn't sexy slang.

Face/Offside #SportJargonInASongOrMovie #HashtagGame

Out of Africa for a Duck #SportJargonInASongOrMovie #HashtagGame

Halloween candy is expensive this year, so I'll just be playing tricks on anyone who comes round.

Nosh for Our Two #TameAScaryMovie #HashtagGame

Hall O’Weenies #TameAScaryMovie #HashtagGame

Online review sites: Let people give zero stars, to shut up their whiny “If I could give it zero stars I would” #VizTopTip *I realise they would just start saying “If I could give it negative stars…”

Man who barely does his own job, rants about others not working hard enough. #EvergreenPost

I may have to re-evaluate 99% of my posts.

✅ Thunderbirds ✅ Thundercats ❌ Thunderdogs

Is it telling that when the clocks go back, people say it's an extra hour in bed, not an extra hour to do lots of things?

Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the... Prompt? #ASongOrMovieForAllAboutDrama #HashtagGame

"I make pussies wet" not the boast it appears to be.

If they can get ai to come up with a way to desalinate sea water, generating energy in the process, then I might be less concerned about building more data centres.

A Chorus... Line? #ASongOrMovieForAllAboutDrama #HashtagGame

Anything off U2's Acting Baby #ASongOrMovieForAllAboutDrama #HashtagGame

Thriller, where the protagonist breaks all sorts of laws to prove their innocence, but that all gets forgotten at the end.

I’m struggling with the hundred things to do to get my new business off the ground, but at least I won’t have trouble explaining it to investors. That’s right, I got ninety-nine problems but the pitch ain’t one.