Chip Chantry

Hey Blue Sky. Consider taking a short break from reality this weekend, and watch my comedy special, MOVE CLOSER. It's roughly 2 episodes of Mr. Belvedere long, and will hopefully give you just as many laughs. youtu.be/_QKarKuuTdU?...

☠️NEW EPISODE☠️ @chipchantry.bsky.social and I chatted with comedian Jake Mattera about “Hubie Halloween” and all things Spooky Season including awesome kids’ costumes, Halloween candy alternatives, Mogwai, Dana Gould, Edward Scissorhands, Ken Burns and more! www.junkmilesshow.com/talking-hubi...

The data center that was powering Katie Zacharia was bombed right in the middle of the press conference.

I heard that in order to get into heaven, at the Pearly Gates, Boomers have to correctly pronounce the word “Chipotle”.

The 9 albums that shaped me.

The death penalty is like rebooting a sitcom; I don’t think people necessarily need to do it anymore, but if you’re gonna do it, do it right.

I called in and asked for a suggestion of a good cardio workout. 

Self-Owna Lisa (2026)

Christa Pike’s execution was just halted. I was supposed to be on a podcast today, but they had to cancel last minute, so now I have my afternoon free. So I get it.

Sometimes I close a door and then open a window. BECAUSE I AM GOD.

From our family to yours, happy National Strawberry Cream Pie Day!

From our family to yours, HAPPY NATIONAL CHOCOLATE MILK DAY!

Hey @christianalsis.bsky.social I am officially backing out of being the front half of our Clavicular costume for Halloween this year. I’m gonna do my own thing. 

Happy Fall to my friends @jon.wprb.com and @chipchantry.bsky.social

You know those heartwarming videos of when a toddler gets his first pair of eyeglasses – he’s struggling and doesn’t want them on, but then when he finally gets the glasses and sees for the first time, he has a big smile? That’s what I do every time I’m at the eye doctor.

F ederal B eagle I mpregnaters

Back in high school I didn’t smoke pot because I thought I wanted to go into the FBI, and I thought that they would find out about it and disqualify me. Man, apparently I could’ve been having WAY more fun than that.

"They're saying Coffin Flop's not a show."

The 90s was about having everything stripped away of its glitz and glamour, and just getting to the down and dirty soul of it: MTV’s Unplugged, CLERKS, Polly-O String Cheese, etc.

I just Google Image Searched "Sleestaks when they start dating again after the divorce".

As a child, I learned about late stage capitalism at Vet Stadium in Philadelphia while at the first home game after Mike Schmidt hit his 500th home run. Before the game they presented his SON with a Nintendo because his dad hit 500 home runs. And the announcer pronounced it “NINE-tendo”.

Great. Well, I guess NOBODY wants to read my screenplay about how ska defeats AI.

The economy is in ROUGH SHAPE. My coffee table book of boudoir photos of Disney adults in NOT selling well.

If you're into audio books, you should check out video books. They're called movies and they RULE.

I hate to break it to you all, but AI is just your parents.

As society collapses, I’m hoping that one cool thing will be that we hit different stops on the way down – like in a few years we will be 1970s Taking of the Pelham 123 New York.

Even though there is only a slight chance of thunderstorms, we are cancelling today’s outdoor steel drum rehearsal, in light of what happened last month. Also, we are still taking collections for Keith’s wife and children.

I'd rather have drug dealers on my corner rather than this goddamn ice cream truck.

Well, now blueberries can kill us. We are living Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, except the winner is going to be Veruca Salt.

Happy birthday to @christianalsis.bsky.social, a man who, despite the allegations, never stepped foot inside that Little Caesar’s location!

Season 3 of Tires on @netflix.com rules. I swear to God.

Exciting personal news: I’m heading to Penn State to start a new business!

Well, GREAT. The other people in the bunker are mad at me because I got rid of just a FEW gallons of potable water to make space for the karaoke machine that EVERYONE can enjoy.

I'm starting to realize that this beehive I built in front of my house looks a LOT like a little free library.

Just booked the Presidential Suite at the hotel I'm staying at. It's just a room on the 2nd floor, but they take you up inside a food cart.

Lot of buzz around this show...

I’ll be at the brand new Claude’s Comedy Club in South Philly this Sunday night at 8pm. I’m closing my hour by doing my new Beard of Bees demonstration. I’ve never attempted it, and in such an intimate setting, this could be extremely dangerous. See you there! tickets.venuepilot.com/e/sunday-gra...

Sloppy steaks at the diner

The kids today are not talking enough about the seminal 1997 album Too Far to Care by The Old 97’s, and it shows.

I got hit by an F#!!!

Hey guys, I want to get ahead of this. Yes, @chipchantry.bsky.social and I broke into a French chateau and stole Daft Punk's helmets and have been touring the Northeast (Philadelphia) pretending to be Daft Punk and an angry Philly crowd chased us and beat us with the helmets when they found out.

QUESTION: if you could be President of the United States for ONE day, who would be your diaper changing assistant? 

There’s nothing stopping you from bringing an urn to the beach, filling it with sand, and then walking around, spreading that sand all over the crowded beach.

As my wife and I walked on the beach to watch the sunrise, I whispered in her ear, “The guy from the band Folk Implosion who did the song Natural One on the Kids soundtrack is actually the bass player for Dinosaur Jr.”

Only been on vacation for two hours and the week it already ruined by the amount of grown men I’ve seen wearing Crocs.

UPDATE: My alpha male training camp has been cancelled, because it’s a little too muggy out. We’ll shoot for next weekend, boys!

It’s so weird how some middle schools and high schools make kids take showers after gym class. My middle school never did that. They just had us take baths together. 

“Sovereign citizen. Sovereign citizen. Sovereign citizen. Watch out- Sovereign citizen.” -me, pushing to the front of the line at Dairy Queen

Please have some compassion. Regardless of your political affiliation, allow the White House time to step back and reflect(ing pool hoax).

When you meet someone, instead of asking them what they do for a living, ask them a much more interesting question, such as: “What are you passionate about?” “What scares you when you are all alone?” “Who is your least favorite Harlem Globetrotter?”  “Why did you kill her, Geoff?”

UPDATE: The barbershop quartet that @gojeffgo.com and I co-founded is officially ceasing operations due to continued hazing allegations. Jeff, myself and the others are taking time to reflect and be with our families.