Chris Jones

Umm...

Ah, 'tis the season of spooky savings, apparently

Find someone who loves you as much as whoever coded MapTap loves statistics

Do actors dislike playing total losers in film/TV or is it just another job? Thinking, for example, of Daniel Betts who plays Brendan Harrigan in Mobland.

"I, Solomon the Wise, decree that this baby be cut in two, with half to be given to each of these women." "What? No! Give it to her then." "Yeah, what the hell do I want with half a dead baby? She can have it." "OK, this isn't how this is supposed to work."

Changing the clocks again tonight. It's bloody expensive.

Buying a show on Amazon Prime is fantastically difficult. I've given up

I think there's a fair chance Rio Ngumoha will be regarded as England's best player of the next 10 years #LFC

Well, you can't now

30+ years ago, one of the peculiar joys of a Saturday night in central London was buying the Sunday papers at midnight on the way home. Now they're just on your phone.

I'm winding up a company. Unfortunately, it has no sense of humour.

I disavow to thee my country All brotherhoods above

"Customers" ?

52-48 for Leave, you say?

I'm on the verge of closing my account with a particular service provider, who earns a lot of money from my business - because they insist on routing all queries through an AI bot. The 2026 version of the infuriating phone tree.

I hope they're providing restaurant vouchers

Sorry, I refuse to take seriously a missile called the "badger". What's next, the chipmunk warhead? The water vole torpedo?

I just got a text about my auto loan. I was going to put it off to tomorrow, but my wife said I should deal with it right away. She pointed out it was a car-pay DM

yeah specifically it's the Persian one

I struggled with fantasy football last season to be honest. Couldn't seem to buy good players within the £100m budget. Luckily this year some Emirati bloke gave me an extra £900m, and I'm finding I'm much more talented at the game.

Manchester refs. Lovely

Excellent, a player falling over and grabbing the ball is penalised for handball. Doesn't happen often enough.

Honestly, Anfield not as brutal as I'd expected

Shame there isn't extra time today. The 115th minute would be entertaining. #LFC

Lovely soft questions to the Man City boss from Sky

I've had two Logitech Lightspeed keyboards, both of which have developed key chatter (two characters for one key press). Looking for an alternative, I see similar reports for Asus, Corsair etc. Are any keyboards safe from this issue?

Banter outcome this season is that Spurs are saved from relegation by a 90 point deduction for Man City

$247m. Wait for the streaming platforms I'd say tentpolegame.com/m/FfSGhJeVIari

Did... did Trump just misunderstand the meaning of Red Diesel?

Sorry, Slow Horses has just destroyed my suspension of disbelief. They showed a character finding a convenient parking space in Camden.

Quality finish from the Czechs there

How was your mission in Finland, Number Two?

Doesn't sound good

Mm kay

I endorse his candidacy

Queueing for fallen English monarchs - a recent history:

My wife says she wants to go the British Museum to buy a tapestry. Don't know where we're going to put it.

I'm pondering which social issue creates more fury and division: 1. Shoes-on vs shoes-off in the house 2. Seat reclining on planes

Lady in Blue, Trafalgar Square

I think I'm at Leicester Square but the roundel says "Opening Night". Dumb.

Best 7-0 I've seen since Liverpool thumped Man Utd in 2023

Croatia just needs six goals in five minutes to take a well-earned point from this game

England split the Croatian defence again Split, see? Hahaha Ok fine

I am not very worried about about the Tory Tapestry’s misuse of “doth”. What worries me much more is this sequence of panels which seems to show a small boat full of brown-skinned people followed by a plague of rats running riot and then a lot of dead white people labelled tax payers.

He could have done the cat thing