Dan Castrogiovanni

Just remember every stranger you meet is just a potential member of the audience for this stuff. Hate should be the baseline. It's up to people to prove you wrong. Assume everybody is a massive fucking cunt. It saves time.

How come yanks hate the word cunt, but throw spazz about like confetti? Are they fucking idiots? LOLZ

I reckon I'd ace Last One Laughing, cos 99% of it is painfully unfunny. Then I'd kick absolute fuck out of Jimmy Carr.

Bash from #CelebrityTraitors looks like a Fluppy Dog.

The Ghosts film is good stuff.

I fucking love Give It Up by KC & The Sunshine Band.

Buggerlugs is a fucking good word.

Scamacca's got too many tats for my liking.

"Stop calling people you don't agree with racists!" Well, you've just gone in TV and said I'm not English so... I think you're racist.

#MCFC fans are getting wildly high on copium.

"What made you such a cynic?" GHOSTWATCH, THAT'S WHAT.

People in the UK need to stop calling police "feds". Fucking shocking behaviour.

Points of View is infinitely more entertaining than Gogglebox.

Who the fuck is in charge of naming at IKEA?

www.facebook.com/reel/6468098... This one is 19 today, and still hasn't forgiven @benwillbond.bsky.social for singing a different king's line once. She is however extremely excited for the Ghosts film, so she can't be that "fewwwwmin" with him.

When you got movies like Tom Cruise in them, you can't lose.

🚎 TOWN AWAY TRAVEL 🚎 🆚 Bollington Town 📅 Sat 3rd Oct 💷 £20pp incl. match ticket 🚌 The Nelson, 10:45am 🍻 Macclesfield post-match 🏠 St Helens approx. 9:45pm Book: 07810 372181 Over the hills with Town away! 🔵⚪️ #TownTeam #ExTerraLucem

I've not got a fucking clue what Carabao is.

Fun fact: If you eat a Trebor Mint then drink some Vimto it tastes like the mouth rinse at the dentist.

A poem: Winona Ryder, Was not in, Bill & Ted, That was Jane Wiedlin.

Just caught the end of the news and glimpsed a shot from the new Oasis doc. Did Noel really tip up to practice rocking this look?

I hope this cunt is being investigated by the police.

I fucking hate Gogglebox me.

I think we need to normalise knocking fuck out of these daft cunts who just walk round the streets filming people.

Are you in or around Edinburgh and would like to come to my show but maybe can't afford it? Send me a message and I can comp you xo

youtu.be/X2Iy4-1OgyI

🚨ATTENTION MERCH. unique, original animal drawing with a QR code for my last 3 shows and more on the back! PAY WHAT YOU WANT! For the Edinburgh fringe xo

Norris McWhirter would be so conflicted.

Gianni infantino abandons plans to sell World Cup to private equity and Kushner/Trump family after massive pushback. The plan would have increased his pay packet from £4.5m to £47m. Such people can't protect the game or supporters. Sack the FIFA board.

I know Boy George says he "wrote" that "song" with the help of AI, but are we SURE it wasn't with the help of Steven Seagal? The daft fucking cunt.

If you take tips on how to use Photoshop from an AI generated tutorial then just fucking hook your brain out through your ears using a wire coat hanger and feed it into the toaster you absolute fucking idiot.

Daily Mail doctoring images to post actual outright lies (see whole thread for how this image is NOT in the book!). I hope the author, illustrator and publisher sue them.

I need to come up with a new reason to feel superior to you scumbags after the final tonight... #BoycottTheWorldCup

I'd just like to remind you all that I boycotted the World Cup because I'm morally superior to you scum.

Just been to church and saw this sad little kiny fella.

Sky News have gone all "Kent's People" again over the tragedy in Bangkok.

Posh kids waiting to get into Wimbledon are absolutely insufferable.

I've finally figured out a P5.js problem that's had me stumped for a couple of evenings. Very happy.

I'd love to have fuck all to do today, sit outside with some whiskey and ginger ale and listen to Street Legal. Still, at least I've got my dream job*, so I can go do that in a sweaty office all day. *Biggest lie we tell kids, they're mutually exclusive concepts.

Nigel Farage is a Daft Cunt

The rich love Fire & Rehire policies so much that Farage has done it to himself.

Tantrum is it

I'm boycotting the World Cup because I'm better than you, however I did look at the foul that led to the latest reason on the list of reasons to boycott it. Why are people saying it was a harsh red? He's gone in completely blind and could have snapped his opponent's ankle. Shocking challenge.

UK has a high rate of infant mortality compared with peer countries. 5-year-olds 7cm shorter than children of the same age in Europe. 1m children in England referred to mental health services. Child poverty results in economic loss of £40bn a year. Yet no govt plan to eradicate poverty.

Just seen the news, stay strong @limmy.com

When you're playing LinkedIn games at 8.05am and only cleverer than 95% of CEOs.

Why don't people just accept that humanity's doomed? We should just wind up Trump until he presses the button and puts us all out of our misery. Hopefully he's so demented that he just thinks the Hamburglar is going to blow up the White House with a space laser and does it on his own.

The POTUS is demented.