D.N. Schmidt, SF author🪐📚

The Star Husks is here! Eriss has four arms and an extra brain, making her the only starship pilot who is her own copilot. She also has chronic anxiety. That’s not as helpful. Her most recent worry? It looks like her brain has been hacked. #spaceopera #booksky 🪐💙 www.amazon.com/Star-Husks-B...

A man set up a table in the park. “Regrets! Regrets for sale!” “Do you have One-Night Stand?” a woman asked. “Sold out. How about Staying With The Wrong Person For Years Because You’re Too Afraid To #Start Over?” She handed him some cash. “Sounds great. I’ll pick you up after work.” #vss365

Becoming enemies with your dad, even though he’s three times your size? That’s a big faux pas. …No, YOU shut up.

Her: So, I'm into temperature play... Him: Interesting! Okay, you can be Lord Kelvin and I'll be Daniel Fahrenheit. Unless you think Anders Celsius is hotter?

Grammar tip: When you make a mistake, you did it “by accident,” not “on accident.” You aren’t sitting on top of your mistake. You’re standing next to it, about to run away before anyone sees what you did.

Pro Tip for any aliens looking to adopt a human as a pet: Glowing rectangles. Earthlings love 'em!

Fun Halloween activity: Summoning a demon and then, right as the ritual is completed, running outside so he materializes in an empty house and gets all confused. It’s devil ding dong ditch.

How long would a vampire apocalypse take? Spooky Season is the perfect time to do something that scares you, so I did some math! 🎵 I did the monster math! 🎵 dnschmidt.com/more/vampire...

The barber shaved a strip down Evan’s head and ran, vanishing into a jump portal. Evan groaned. “Another damned time #traveler!” The constant humiliation had begun as a way to ruin his senate campaign and keep him from starting a war. But years later, the time pranksters just kept coming. #vss365

Are we sure the mosquitoes are drinking our blood? What if they're injecting us with marinade so we’ll taste better for the zombies?

The liquor store is all decked out for Halloween! They even have a guy dressed up like a horrible little goblin! ...No, wait, that’s a mirror.

Hey, don't make me the bad guy here, or you and your little dog will regret it.

If you're dejected after you're rejected, that cancels it out and takes you down to just one ject.

"Happy birthday, honey! I got you a gift certificate to a crematorium!" "Um, thanks?" "Your appointment is this Thursday."

#vss365 #taper

Happy 7th book birthday to Inspiration Overdose! 💡 Like a never ending writing prompt game 🪛 Story ideas and creativity tools with endless combinations 💀 Kills writer’s block for good 🚀 Great for fantasy stories, science fiction, horror, and more! mybook.to/inspirationo...

Where to find Mercy: Books2Read.com/MercyNovel My Website: cometkins.com My Carrd: cometkins.carrd.co (Mercy cover art by Soren Häxan, Zitti e Buoni and Sir Gawain cover art by me)

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#Miles above the Earth, the Space Technology Orbital Reproduction Cannon moved into position, firing a silver projectile. The object unfurled a parachute, landing gently in a suburban back yard. Tanya opened it and the baby inside began to cry. “Oh god... Well, at least it’s not twins.” #vss365

The Necromancer's Council doesn't want you to know this, but the skeletons in the dungeon are free. You can just walk down their and take them.

Just 7 years after The War Of The Worlds, Martian cylinders return to Earth, packed with tripod fighting machines! 👽 Can 'Operation Thunderbolt' defeat them or is it too little, too late? Dive into The Martian Diaries 3-book sequel (link in bio) #SciFiBooks #AlienInvasion #Audiobooks #BookSky

Jevin Darke: Transgender Fluteblade Assassin. You already know by the title whether or not my writing is for you.

Eriss has four arms and an extra brain, making her the only starship pilot who is her own copilot. She also has chronic anxiety. That’s not as helpful. Her most recent worry? It looks like her brain has been hacked. (Cover by Miblart) mybook.to/starhusks www.kobo.com/us/en/ebook/...

And in other news, the star of Summer Blockbuster says he would be open to doing a sequel. According to the actor, “Last time, they gave me a huge pile of cash. If they wanted to give me a second pile, that’d be pretty cool. Or they can add more cash to the first pile. Either way. I’m not picky.”

Who's your favorite Beatle from a parallel dimension? Reverse Paul? Gigantic George? Too Many Arms John? Faceless Ringo? That robot shark with Pete Best's brain?

If I ever meet Tarantino, I'm going to tell him how much I love his pizza rolls.

Former classmate who always said English Lit was pointless and he would never use it in the real world: These ballot initiatives are so confusing! Is this good or bad? Oh man, if only there were some sort of class that taught you how to understand and interpret what you read!

Business idea: A haunted house for dogs. (It's just a guy using the vacuum cleaner.)

A coworker asked me to recommend a good pizza chain, so I gave him a list. I also told him where I got my burger padlock, my spaghetti safe, and my taco alarm system.

Rachel watched her daughters playing tea party with their dolls. "I #doubt women do that much anymore," she thought. "Odd that the game outlived the real thing.” The girls grew more animated. "This isn't tea! It's a potion! She's a witch!” "Girls, no burning stakes in the house!" #vss365

HR: can you explain this gap in your resume? Me: I wanted to see where a magician got the rabbit from so I climbed inside his hat and got trapped in Bunny World for a while. I had to fight an evil carrot army. It was a whole big thing. HR: ...Huh, there’s a box on the form for that.

Date: I can only get aroused when those conveyer belts at the airport are overfilled. Me: This date is over Date: Why Me: You come with too much baggage.

Eriss would want candy and pancakes, and promises that you won’t tease her for blushing and being a nervous little bunny.

Good. Those poles are cold!

When I died, an angel showed me a door and said I could go whenever I was ready. But I’m still here at the hospital. Moving on is a big #commitment. If you don’t like your afterlife, too bad. You’re stuck with it. Plus, I like haunting the nurse who never let me have an extra pudding. #vss365

This might be hard to believe, but I’m you from the future. I came back to warn you that rent gets crazy expensive. The only way to save the world from this disaster is to let me crash on your couch.

You don’t have to be crazy to work here but it helps! Haha! We’re a pretty wacky bunch. One time Deb came in with mismatched earrings! We laughed for hours! Each day I slide deeper into the abyss.

Posts not getting enough attention? As Morgan Freeman once said, “If you want people to think your bland, trivial little thoughts are interesting, put them in a fake celebrity quote.”

sexy ghosts wear satin sheets

I have a dirty mind because I won't submit to brainwashing.

Interesting point, but you didn’t mention all the exceptions in your single post. Next time, please cram your entire personal philosophy into 300 characters.

An ogre dragged Princess Bouffant to the woods. “Me hungry!” She shook her head. “Sorry, I’m just not ready to be eaten.” “Wha?” “I want to be sure I pick the right monster. Being devoured is a big #commitment.” “Me drag to date, read poems?” “…On second thought, just eat me.” #vss365

Yes, it's Regular Man — strange resident from this planet, born on Earth with powers and abilities roughly equal to those of mortal men. Regular Man, who can hold steel in his bare hands, and who, disguised as Clark Kent, mild-mannered reporter for a great metropolitan newspaper, writes the news!

Phhhhht, you believe in astrology? Bigfoot’s ghost told me it’s fake.

It’s not healthy to eat your feelings. They are being recalled by the FDA.

It's the time for spooky stories and I have a handful! From now until the beginning of November, get my selected spooks for 25% off on itchio! I got... cryptid horror, angel horror, cosmic horror, vampire feels horror, fallen star fantasy horror, and a romantic tragedy! 🎃👻 itch.io/s/205604/hal...