doc stach

MY MAYOR MUSLIM MY BAGELS JEWISH MY SUBWAY SMELLS LIKE PEE KNICKS 0-3

i know john tesh when i see him

the dentist is telling me I need to floss my teeth??? like uday hussein did? no thank you sir!

i had always assumed that the MCU meant the MajorTom cinematic universe

*max cavalera voice* BONE-IN GOAT CUBES

why on earth do I need to listen to "choosin texas" when I could instead listen to "break stuff" for the fifty thousandth time

hangin out with my boys sully sullenberger and mr beast. sully keeps trying to get mr beast to invest in his "sullen burger" restaurant and mr beast is just staring at him with those cold dead eyes. this is the type of night that song "some nights" is all about

i did not realize george lucas was 4'11"

fsu can't keep the lights on? and I thought the acc was a power conference

BREAKING: the senate has voted largely along party lines to confirm the bad guy from roger rabbit as mayor of toontown

oh great spurs are back

hanging out on the shore of a lake with your dog and a beer? 5 stars. i get it, country singers

i have spent weeks workshopping and refining the following post for BlueSky optimization: "martial farts"

I love the orcs in LOTR because it's like "here's these unstoppable killing machines who know nothing but pain anyway a normal dude with a sword can kill like nine of them"

the ladies are going CRAZY for this dude's spheroid head "it's like a basketball covered in hair!" exclaimed one fan "it's a basketball covered in hair!" said another "no it's literally a basketball covered in hair. what cruel God would make a basketball covered in hair sentient" screamed a third

trying to soft launch a new product called OCCAMS RAZR, the first shaving experience powered by ai. it costs way more than a normal razor and uses much more resources and it also keeps accidentally slicing people's throats. don't know the problem is but i'm sure the explanation is convoluted

gustav presidential pardon

people keep asking me for my morning yoga routine. here it is: 1. move in now move out 2. hands up now hands down 3. back up back up 4. tell me what you gonna do now

jd vance sure does talk a big game for someone with "wendy koopa nudes" in his search history

people don't fall into a canyon screaming "YA-ha-HOOEY" anymore. back in my day we fell into canyons screaming "YA-ha-HOOEY" and we drank straight from the garden hose

"the summertime is for posting" say experts across the globe

brb becoming ungovernable

DRAPER: Tourists can get beaches anywhere. What they actually want is to experience something unique. Something where they can go back home and tell their coworkers "I did this, and you didn't". AQUIDNECK ISLAND: *nods pensively* DRAPER: Aquidneck Island has that type of experience. Here it is.

YOOO KENDRICK BROUGHT OUT DANISH ATOMIC PHYSICIST NIEHLS BOHR

made tacos on a Tuesday and have consequently become a calvinist

DOOF TRAM

wild how head coaches from rhode island have won more NBA titles this year than all other head coaches combined

if you ever have considered hosting a birthday party for your soon-to-be 7-year old and all his friends please know it is easier to cut out the middle man and simply set off a batch of fireworks inside your house

going sicko mode* *slicing up a tomato, sprinkling a little salt on that bad boy

mavis beacon typing

they got steely dan playing at the dentist's office. is this what people are referring to when they are talking about the singularity

miss rhode island is from woonsocket this year which means if part of the miss america contest involves assaulting somebody with a snow shovel she's got this thing locked up

spurs win and arsenal fall short of the title?

0. me 1. shawn michaels 2. the WWE intercontinental championship wait I forgot the assignment

i would like to extend my best wishes to all, even the haters and losers, on this special date, rhode island independence day

tell me you're an arsenal supporter without telling me you're an arsenal supporter

i cannot understand why rich people invest so much in politics. buddy if I had that much money 80% of my non -sleeping time would be occupied by blasting around Miami in a speedboat cranking "unchained" by van halen

a fun thing about education is that a lot of the ills we associate with schools can be ultimately traced back to captains of industry messing around with teaching and learning. anyway I'm sure this will go great though

who you callin gormless? buddy i am so full of gorm you wouldn't believe it

what you see when you look through the special sunglasses. the majesty of the universe

i regret to inform you that we're back with another one of those block rockin beats

AI company: we trained this dog to talk. It doesn’t actually understand language, but it kinda sounds like it’s having a conversation by mimicking the sound of human speech. CEO: awesome, I’ve fired my entire staff, how quickly can it start diagnosing medical disorders