David

mo / momo (born: Moritz Mozart De La Hoya) turns 4 on the 27th so i collected a few dozen pictures of this photogenic lil shit which i will share in this thread over the next 10 days

If you see this, you got a really good Discount Oracle card this Friday. I mean, wow. Fortune in ALT text 🔮👇

wanna feel old? this was helen mirren in Jurassic Park (1993)

Tin Cup (1996) has some of the worst sex puns “I kinda shanked that” “can I get a mulligan” and “get on top I’ll tee it up” all of these, to be very clear, were purely sex related and happened during a single scene

so this is us, 4 cherry tomato plants in their pots they’ll grow to be 6 feet tall and each of them should produce 200+ tomatoes eventually got some basil in the dirt and started a batch of carrots too so nice to go and grab fresh stuff in the yard don’t mind the dirty pots

🐶GRAMMAW TIME 💕

took a minute but i am very pleased to inform you all that we now have a brand new set of panels on our gazebo it’s very cool when contractors stick to their word it was all falling apart, being 15yo and all (don’t tell anyone but i was kind of hoping they’d break it)

despite what the cook seems to think you can tell by the look on the girls’ faces that they are looking at jackie and not jerry from Panda Plan

watching: Conan the Destroyer (1984) for the umpteenth time it’s never been a particularly good movie but it aged gracefully like a bag of cheetos that’s been handled with care in a supermarket

sometimes i’m like “time to drink a bit of water” but the little angel on my shoulder is like “nah, dumbass, drink the whole glass then go to the kitchen, fill it up and drink another one” ok little angel, thanks for looking out

it’s sean connery, he’s wearing a weird suit and wielding a gun. what’s your next move?

how do i get a job being mean to people who deserve it

if i put as much effort into shitposting as i did in my work i’d be ceo by now but why would i want to do that

“exactly what sock are we talking about” the dog asked, feloniously

her (feloniously): “mind if i grab one of your fries?”

Today’s other band names: Willfully & Feloniously or Felonious Milking or Mourning Mrs. Checkley’s Milk or Running About the Cows or Evil Disposed Persons or Feloniously David (Thanks for the inspiration! Good luck w/your new solemn vow, @dondanger.bsky.social.)

how’s your night going?

[Puts a snorkel & flippers on my horse] Water polo ref: still no

PSA

Panic at The Office

what’s your standard sandwich, in 300 characters or fewer: bread: toasted or not, any kind or thickness mayo ham: 3 slices, twisted cheddar sliced tomato w fresh cracked pepper puck of Iceberg or romaine heart yellow mustard bread cut diagonally

throwback to when Mrs D heard me going “ooooh” and she was like “are you watching porn?!” but no, i was just looking at some deep discounts on really good cuts of meat in the grocery app

lil dude had a day, long walk, played ball and is now spent sweet dreams bud, please don’t wake me up at 4:30

this pm a telecom guy for the other company came to my door to offer me some deals we sat down on the front porch had a chat about what he had to offer and how all companies kind of suck it gave him a break from people slamming their doors at him and “a positive interaction” no sale but good talk

wait, are we saying “put all the things on both sides” or is it “make sure both sides have some of the things”? concerned about the former tbh kinda weird if people just didn’t put anything on one of the pieces too

Pool day at doggy daycare: #AGoodPlace Source: www.reddit.com/r/MadeMeSmil...

creole rice and beans with black tea it was the typical meal Sister Stacey made for me while i lived in jamaica for a few months in my late teens figured i’d try and recreate it today and relive some memories grateful to have easy access to all kinds of food when so many people don’t

"Let me tell u, being a stay-at-home-dog is erxh.. emhxshaust... it makes me tired."

Action movies: Male lead:”oh no i’m an important character and got shot in the shoulder” Female lead:”oh no i’m an important character and got a cut on my cheek” Everyone else: (heads blown clean off)

❤️

“by the makers of Lucky Pierre” (1925) cool time capsule of a thread

[allergy season] wiping the snot off my nose with the back of my hand has done wonders for my skin

His palms are freezing Pulse weak Chest is wheezing It started off as sneezing Allergy season.

10 actresses to get to know me: Sigourney Weaver Eva Green Emma Watson Mia Goth Helen Mirren Viola Davis Tilda Swinton Michelle Yeoh Rosario Dawson Rosamund Pike kinda need a movie with all of them now, would rock

mowing too early is poor form power tools all day every weekend sucks, non stop noise pollution, but ok roofers starting at 6:30AM with pneumatic hammers right over your bedroom is brutal, esp if you have a hard time finding sleep

well this was good tried cooking the pasta for half the time in water and the other half in the sauce with a bit of cooking water, was nice 8 1/2 hours from start to table, thankfully most of that time was spent doing other things no regrets, don’t know if I’ll try again given the effort

me: gonna create an LLM and call it Ai dente, it’ll only answer queries about spaghetti and will be wrong most of the time investors: how many billions do you want

The Sauce is finally underway, gonna let it simmer slowly for the next 5 hours or so will be adding more meat, veggies and seasoning as things progress really interested to see what kind of flavours the roasted marrow bones will bring - my first time using them

gang wars at the bird feeder: between the dog, racoon, squirrels, chipmunk and the various groups of birds things are heating up lots of quarrelling in recent days, entertaining as long as no one gets hurt

Drop some BOOKS 📕📗🖤📘📙

dog woke me up at 4:30 this morning, pawing at the door and barking semi quietly, to go find a squirrel to chase perhaps later barked for 2hrs when he realized MIL was coming over paced and whined for 2hrs after she left went for long walk with Mrs D and now he fully melted into the couch 🙏

Old boy (2013 US) Spike Lee, Josh Brolin, Elizabeth Olsen, Sam L. Jackson is a bit messed up and worth a watch Old boy (2003 Korea) which it likely was inspired from, goes extremely hard and is a must see, no Olsen though, but features a hammer prominently

post your getaway vehicle