El Borscht

a message from the future

Andy Breckman is most famous for his vigilante campaigning against the scourge of porch piracy.

My siblings and their ages: Area 51 Studio 54 Heinz 57 Airport 77 Star 80 Playhouse 90

I feel like somebody made the wish (with one of those irony loving genies) "make me a genius" and so now everyone is stupider.

A lot of your favorite seemingly non-Star Trek favorite TV shows are actually Star Trek spin-offs that take place entirely in the Holodeck.

When I hear the phrase "dirty tricks" associated with politics, I can't help think about my recipe for "Dirty Trix", which is bits of Cajun sausage mixed with fruity cereal. Super not for kids.

Bam Bam Rubble was adopted and there's that episode after he marries Pebbles Flintstone where they find out he's Fred's illegitimate son, and it is POWERFUL. Nobody did tragic family dramas better than Hanna-Barbera.

I’m getting word that a water molecule created last week at a nearby suburban high school science class is in the same glass of water on my night table as a molecule of water that existed before Earth formed.

Russell Dickert 308 Echelon Rd, Unit 1 Voorhees NJ 08043 Dob 1/20/55 Employer: Harsco Metals and Minerals

Sorry, not sorry. The President of the United States is a traitor and a rapist.

Ants will soon master clothing. Are YOU prepared?

Share if you agree

Yup, that’s me in the kitchen washing dishes and yelling at the oldies station on the AM radio playing “Tuesday Afternoon” IT’S BECAUSE YOU ARE TRIPPING, THAT’S WHY

Natalie Harp is a young woman who is simply trying to be helpful. She’s just a child, for Pete’s sake. For crying out loud, I was still in high school when she was born! Have you heard about Yo La Tengo? They’re pretty great, dude.

Frankfort, KY. Weird recalled film that I chose to shoot instead of return. #filmphotography #film #kentucky

Sometimes we’re carrying burdens, weighed down by trouble, living worried. We're trying to fix it all in our own strength. The scripture says, “Cast your burdens on your dick, release the weight of it, and it will sustain you.” If you’ll release the burden then your dick will carry you.

Medical debt is a great opportunity to learn how different types of frozen foods seem to have synchronized their cooking times to allow for a big baking sheet of different items cooked up together, each and all ready to burn the crap out of your tongue.

I need to bone up on the kind of rhetoric that makes one a shout-em-down kinda guy.

The moment is swiftly approaching when Western Culture must stand up and defend the values and the complex belief system that brought goodness and light into the vast expanses that had previously not learned of and benefited from the presence and the actions of great men such as Eric Clapton.

I’m no historian, but AI might be the most jiveass gimmick ever.

It's absolutely insane we've somehow let the Covid recriminations debate become like "why didn't we reopen in person schools before there was a vaccine" and not "why did none of the trump guys go to jail for stealing PPE from New York hospitals in March 2020"

20: “Look at me cracking my knuckles.” 30: “I like getting my back cracked.” 40: “Damn, my elbow just cracked. Ow.” 50: “HOW THE HELL CAN AN ENTIRE TORSO CRACK??”

Al Michaels looks like he feels like he’s on a spaceship.

Jumping beans are horrific.

Forever using “nigh” rather than “soon” because I lost a bet once.

There’s a moment in Moby Dick where Melville is all like “Dude, it’s like 85 degrees in New England right now. And here I am sitting in the loft of the barn in the backyard drinking hot black tea and sweating my balls off. I mean, I’m dripping all over my manuscript, my editor’s gonna be pissed.”

Bought a 10 pack of Toast Chee packs and each of the 10 6 pack packs of Toast Chee in the 10 pack of Toast Chee was labeled for individual sale so now whenever I eat one of the 10 6 packs of Toast Chee I take the wrapper to the 7-11 down the street and make them scan it cuz I pay for my Toast Chee.

Workshopping with the team a restaurant venture. Could be a trailblazer. Blessure à la Bouche is the hottest (ha!ha!) trend in Parisian culinary arts, and it is most definitely not for the faint of heart (or tongue). Serve all dishes still boiling, and force patrons at gunpoint to eat immediately.

1995: Dude, I’m standing here at the bowl and I can’t even piss because I’m tripping balls and the water looks like it’s moving up and down. 2025: Dude, I’m standing here at the bowl and I can’t even piss because my prostate is immense and the water is moving up and down because it’s windy outside.

Grover’s just doing the job he was hired to do. He really doesn’t even like kids all that much. Dude’s just happy to have a paying gig is all, and good for him.

Just woke from a dream wherein Frank Sinatra reanimates as a stout, horseshoe bald black guy and drops a single titled “Bullshit to Be With Her”

James Taylor forgetting he’s in Two Lane Blacktop is the is the Norman Mailer biting off a piece of Rip Torn’s ear during a hammer fight of Academy Award winners not being present to accept the award.

The Haggen? Two blocks down, make a left on Electric Avenue, take it higher, the Haggen will be on your left hand side.

I once came out of a blackout at the bus station on Electric Avenue. Not sure how or why I rocked down there.

Rocking down to Electric Avenue will in no way help us to take it higher.

Mitch just texted me all like “yo, I’m dead, wanna hang?”

My real poll numbers still suck pretty bad.

The death rattle of white supremacy has become the MAGA death march. They'll destroy everything, including themselves. Really sad and pathetic to watch. It would be pitiful if it weren't so dangerous and violent.

Samuel Alito's dad was born in Calabria, Italy in 1914, which was a completely failed state shithole at the time. You either spent your life farming dirt or got killed at 16 working for an Ndrangheta underboss. Now his son spends all day panicking about uncivilized Haitians.

Pepper Jack says let’s go.

Hate to complain, spell check, but I spell it aluminium.

Groups reject me, thanks anyway.

Platner very much is a discernible type, but it’s not “flawed but basically decent working class joe.” It’s “prep school creep with a sadistic streak and an ironclad confidence that it will never catch up to him.“

Ice Cube’s whole schtick has been hilarious since 1989. Terrific rapper, though.

ACHTUNG! Icy Hot Stuntaz have pulled out of the maga rally thing