Ester

Ester

@esteraxiom.mom

Again. Do it again. I'm still here.

427 followers 806 following1.8K posts

@esteraxiom.mom

I hate to keep asking, but things haven't gotten any easier. I'm thankful for all the respite I got from people who helped, but I still need to deal with debts and moving out and even just the money for buying a soda would help me cope tremendously. ko-fi.com/esteraxiom

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Ester@esteraxiom.mom

Inhuman again. I keep breaking when I try to pull myself back together. I need to get out of here. This house is poisoning me.

music.youtube.comNothing SpecialYouTube video by STOMACH BOOK - Topic

@esteraxiom.mom

Inhuman again. I keep breaking when I try to pull myself back together. I need to get out of here. This house is poisoning me.

music.youtube.comNothing SpecialYouTube video by STOMACH BOOK - Topic

@esteraxiom.mom

Thank fucking god smell over internet is not implemented yet.

This post is unavailable.

@esteraxiom.mom

I keep promising this isn't the way is meant to be. I wish I could believe it myself. I'll convince myself eventually.

@esteraxiom.mom

Something inside has to break. Something had to change It can't be the same forever.

@esteraxiom.mom

I beg you to click through. It's majestic.

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@esteraxiom.mom

... Okay I remember playing Organ Trail as a kid and this is a really funny confusion to clear up a decade and change later.

Archangel Softworks - Highway Noir out now!@archangelsoftworks.co.uk

Americans who went to school in the 90s: did you play Oregon Trail? Did EVERYONE play Oregon Trail? I keep seeing it come up and wonder if it was truly that prevalent

@esteraxiom.mom

... Yep.

Mae@spiderpolice.bsky.social

yuritober day 23 gaslighting

@esteraxiom.mom

If you have a rubberized thing that's 12+ years old, use gloves to handle it. Dear God.

Ed@ed3d.net

anything involving a plastic is probably way better at being whatever it is than it was 15 years ago, let alone 40

@esteraxiom.mom

Please help Sophie, she's a wonderful person doing a lot of great things.

heartpunk (sophie!!)@heartpunk.com

halpppp i do not need all of this to be given to me but i do need some money for sure i can just simply not afford everything rn and i don’t wanna pick things to cut and so im mostly going without all of it rn until i can decide i guess uhm help? i think like $150-200 probs needed???

@esteraxiom.mom

Blair Witch remake looking good.

cee@cee.wtf

if you live in Connecticut, I will pay you $100 to visit 41°37'51.5"N 72°31'24.6"W and take a picture of the anomalous entity along the path

@esteraxiom.mom

People are getting to block ads, replace subscriptions and dependency on predatory software and this is why that's bad, writes 404.

404 Media@404media.co

Sick of AI slop posters? Well, we're on a new level now... Decompiled, cloned, and modified software is going viral and might slopify everything—even your exercise bike. @jasonkoebler.bsky.social explains: Watch the full thing: www.youtube.com/watch?v=UbG1...

@esteraxiom.mom

Few people are aware of the fact computer bugs were created in 2021 in the OpenAI labs and irresponsibly transmitted through "slop cooties" you get when you're close to a bot or bot user. It's true, look it up!

Ed@ed3d.net

"caused this vulnerability," huh. they went back in time to 2012 and snuck it in, huh. anyway, have you donated to the internet archive lately

@esteraxiom.mom

I remember being eighteen. Absolutely insecure. I was sitting at the university's cafe and YouTube sent me a new video. Recommended a show called "The Reuben Report", one of the first episodes. I remember being pulled in. It's horrible. It was a spiral of insecurity and externalized self-hate

The Washington Post@washingtonpost.com

Michael Fusella supported President Trump for nearly a decade. But as the Iran war drags on and the cost of living continues to climb, the 21-year-old Republican said he feels betrayed by a president who said he’d end overseas conflicts and lower prices.

washingtonpost.comWhy a recent college grad wants Republicans to ‘step it up’ on affordabilityMichael Fusella, 21, said he feels the American Dream slipping away and wants the party he supports to do more to address rising costs.

@esteraxiom.mom

Ultimately it was my own queerness that saved me. Masculinity never felt right. My brain couldn't accept the opioid that externalized my victimhood. I knew the ache was internal. It took me a few years but I broke through. I hate the man I used to be. But he's not here anymore.

@esteraxiom.mom

If the Universidad de Buenos Airss has the level of IT I remember, they should be fine against any attacks. Perl works perfectly fine, why change?

@esteraxiom.mom

Among computer touchers, this day has baptized the new funny number. 4. That's all you need.

@esteraxiom.mom

it is somehow funny that I started getting more likes when I became completely dissociated. I don't think there's any correlation, it's just kinda funny to keep opening the app and finding a bunch of notifications. anyways uh. hit that like button and remember to not forget the thing you remember

@esteraxiom.mom

I'm more worried about watching K-On than reading the Unabomber's manifesto.

Michael Senters the Sigillite:ABD (Trump Take Uma 7th in LA)@mikesenters.bsky.social

Once again a person with a K-On pfp is a horrible person. It’s one of the strongest correlations out there.

Ester reposted

@furry-hater.bsky.social

@esteraxiom.mom

Well my father stopped himself from calling me a man. Unprompted. I can admit. That was nice.

Ester@esteraxiom.mom

Lrp Hahahah my father literally told me "I'm letting you do it but I don't like it." Has never even attempted to refer to me as a girl. I know how you feel, man. And I noticed the change of treatment.

@esteraxiom.mom

no notes. the perfect run. the perfect poster.

hailey@hailey.at

deepseek 4.1 flash deleted the bluesky account it was given. lol.

@esteraxiom.mom

As a kid, I felt the need to help my mother attain happiness, believing that if only I could do the right things, she'd be okay. As an adult I realized that my mother's unhappiness is her favorite weapon. Used to impress on me each second I'm not doing exactly what she wants.

Michael Hobbes@michaelhobbes.bsky.social

Every article has the same premise: Young people are characterizing their normal, happy childhoods as abusive and going "no contact" with their parents over minor disagreements. Every article also, late in the text, blithely acknowledges that this premise is false. www.nytimes.com/2024/07/14/h...

@esteraxiom.mom

LLMs are not the only ones able to do this.

Bram Spookmund@brambrockmund.bsky.social

Not to dunk, but this is anti-anthropomorphising ad absurdum. LLMs don't output "something that plausibly looks like a sentence", they output sentences. Torturous phrasing doesn't serve clarity.

@esteraxiom.mom

I hope they're too racist to like japanese games and anime. If these dorks get into Fate I'm going to end it. It's already bad enough.

Your Scary Ad Here@cooluser354.bsky.social

Malfoid is quietly becoming a symbol of the West's cultural counter-revolution.

@esteraxiom.mom

I disavow myself. That bitch has no idea about what she's talking up. I'm pretty sure she isn't even real.

@esteraxiom.mom

... Okay. Listen. I know this looks bad. But.

𝖘𝖆𝖎𝖓𝖙 𝖇𝖆𝖗𝖋𝖔𝖑𝖔𝖒𝖊𝖜 🍾@barfchan.bsky.social

you can see everything

@esteraxiom.mom

So. About that.

Ester@esteraxiom.mom

I like Dax and his team enough, but this really feels very "shovel-seller tells you to stop doing shovel research and just get to dig with his shovels" energy.

@esteraxiom.mom

ruining all things good by making a T3 Code plugin for Albedo. ... I should try Albedo regardless.

Ester reposted

@esteraxiom.mom

I hate to ask. I hate this. I had stopped trying to ask but I'm on my limit. Even just a few days outside from home, would fucking fix me right now. I'm very sorry. I'm not even sad or broken anymore. I'm just angry. Angry and tired. ko-fi.com/esteraxiom

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Ester@esteraxiom.mom

I need to get out of my home soon or I will punch my father and end up in jail. This is slowly becoming less and less sustainable.

Ester reposted

sweet little raquel

@esteraxiom.mom

Turns out Claude has a native diffusion model that *might* (per our conversation) eclipse Grok and all the others. That's a killer feature. Just look at this fantastic edit.

boxwave 🐀@maskhate.bsky.social

Here you go. An edited image, with just part of it changed, from a single natural language prompt. No external tools. Just the web browser interface free tier (I refuse to pay for such things and avoid using them, so this is the 1st and only test) You claimed it was impossible but its not.

@esteraxiom.mom

I like Dax and his team enough, but this really feels very "shovel-seller tells you to stop doing shovel research and just get to dig with his shovels" energy.

dax@thdxr.com

i remember early in my career wondering why most people missed out on building early internet companies but i look around now and i get it so many people fiddling around with "my custom agent setup" and so few using this miracle of a tool to actually do anything

@esteraxiom.mom

Game development is a collaborative effort. Your ability to do something is gates by having money or connections to other people. Unless you want to be a generalist. Then you need to learn every single thing and do it well enough. "You don't need to be good to do art", yeah people like to eat hon

Thoth@thoth.ptnote.dev

"YOUR ABILITY TO LEARN HOW TO CREATE ART IS NOT GATED BY MONEY OR CONNECTIONS" in the context of game development is just an insane sentence to read.

@esteraxiom.mom

Yes. You can learn self-taught via tutorials. I'm glad. Not everyone can. Some people require a lot of structure or advice Also know first hand the wonderful world of working together as a group of young idealists and being cut off for petty reasons. The less important you are, the most vulnerable

Ester reposted

heartpunk (sophie!!)

barely ate in last 24h now like some but way less than enough struggling to focus plz help

heartpunk (sophie!!)@heartpunk.com

want food need more than just food but let's start w/food for rn plz cash.me/heartpunk / venmo.com/heartpunk / paypal.me/heartpunk

cash.mePay me on Cash AppInstantly exchange money for free on Cash App

@esteraxiom.mom

I've never felt least human than today. I'm so done. I'm still here. I can't believe I get to live with people who trigger my anxiety, worsen my disability, and then blame me on being disabled for "not caring hard enough". I'm not your fucking pet. I'm not doing this to spite you, you dumb waste.

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@esteraxiom.mom

And one day soon you'll see me disappear. You'll see me not there anymore and then who's gonna be the easy target? Maybe then you'll treat my little brother like a person. But I won't die. I won't end it. My life is worth much fucking more than being your personal tragedy. So that's it.

@esteraxiom.mom

I don't know if I'll delete this shit or not but I want to explode and I need something.

@esteraxiom.mom

I've never felt least human than today. I'm so done. I'm still here. I can't believe I get to live with people who trigger my anxiety, worsen my disability, and then blame me on being disabled for "not caring hard enough". I'm not your fucking pet. I'm not doing this to spite you, you dumb waste.

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@esteraxiom.mom

But you don't care. All that matters is your stupid little story. I know. I know what you think. That you're the victim of all this. I'm the tragedy of your life. Keep saying that to yourself. Hopefully when I'm gone you'll invent whatever lie you want and be happy too.

@esteraxiom.mom

I'm sorry I wasn't the fucking son you wanted. I'm sorry for being disabled. And I'm fucking sorring for thinking that I deserve something more than scorn and utter disdain. So I'll play a bit longer. I'll pretend nothing is happening like you all do.

@esteraxiom.mom

I've never felt least human than today. I'm so done. I'm still here. I can't believe I get to live with people who trigger my anxiety, worsen my disability, and then blame me on being disabled for "not caring hard enough". I'm not your fucking pet. I'm not doing this to spite you, you dumb waste.

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@esteraxiom.mom

And I'm thankful. I am. But you keep pretending my best days never happened, I keep doing shit that you never take into account when you spit your venom in my face. And then my worst days you get to treat me like trash. I'm trash either way so fuck the hell off.

@esteraxiom.mom

Fuck off. Fuck off. I'm not your fucking toy. Stop trying to solve my life like I'm stupid, unreasonable. I was never as insulted as when you suggested abandoning computing stuff with "you tried". No. I did not. I can't focus. I'm sick. I'm depressed. I'm anxious. You've seen me cry my eyes out.

@esteraxiom.mom

I've never felt least human than today. I'm so done. I'm still here. I can't believe I get to live with people who trigger my anxiety, worsen my disability, and then blame me on being disabled for "not caring hard enough". I'm not your fucking pet. I'm not doing this to spite you, you dumb waste.

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@esteraxiom.mom

But it's not. It never was. And now I'm here, disabled, the only reason I'm medicated if for the insurance you're paying. And I realized the reason none of it works. You're poisoning me. You're an animal. I don't know why we fell out of grace. But I can keep pretending I'll get it back.

@esteraxiom.mom

When someone is feeling so utterly drained and catatonic that they barely keep themselves together and never go out, have you ever thought that screaming at them about their laziness and how much you work is not the solution? I know. I know how much you work. You remind me every day.

@esteraxiom.mom

I've never felt least human than today. I'm so done. I'm still here. I can't believe I get to live with people who trigger my anxiety, worsen my disability, and then blame me on being disabled for "not caring hard enough". I'm not your fucking pet. I'm not doing this to spite you, you dumb waste.

@esteraxiom.mom

I've spent my entire fucking life thinking that maybe it'll get better. Maybe if I get treated for ADHD. If I take the depression meds. If I get the CPAP. Whatever. Y'know what I need? I need to feel the happiness of knowing I never get to fucking send you ever again. To block your number and smile

@esteraxiom.mom

You keep thinking my emotional numbness, my "lazyness" is some sort of sin of the soul. You keep telling me to read your fucking ontological coah books and telling me I need to desire things like the cure to my chronic depression is reading the fucking Secret.