Fintago

I keep writing here because I need to get it out in a way that someone might see it. It feels less real or cathartic when it is just sealed away in a journal, almost masturbatory. It is not out of my head then, it is just infecting another part of my space. Typically, my form of healing involves

so it gets harder every day to not say fuck it. It is my hope that it never comes to that as no problem has even been improved by adding street grade pharmaceuticals to the mix, but unlike checking out early, it is not something my brain simply refuses to consider out of hand. I have never been a

I keep writing here because I need to get it out in a way that someone might see it. It feels less real or cathartic when it is just sealed away in a journal, almost masturbatory. It is not out of my head then, it is just infecting another part of my space. Typically, my form of healing involves

the storm, if only for awhile. It does not give me any such relief. I am stuck here white knuckling it and hoping it will pass but not having any alternative other than just holding on. The closest thing I have is the knowledge that if I am ok with throwing away everything in my life, I can go buy

I keep writing here because I need to get it out in a way that someone might see it. It feels less real or cathartic when it is just sealed away in a journal, almost masturbatory. It is not out of my head then, it is just infecting another part of my space. Typically, my form of healing involves

have burnt out and I just seem to sink deeper and deeper into a sharp stillness. I tried to make my doctor understood and I thought she did, but it seems like the urgency left her once I was out of the room as well. I am not suicidal, I do not want to die and I do not think of death as a relief or

I keep writing here because I need to get it out in a way that someone might see it. It feels less real or cathartic when it is just sealed away in a journal, almost masturbatory. It is not out of my head then, it is just infecting another part of my space. Typically, my form of healing involves

really stay friends with someone who is literally sad all the time. How long before who they were becomes less important than who they are? The depression isn't lifting and I am losing touch with the "reality" that I previously used to get me through depressions. Knowing that this thought or that

I keep writing here because I need to get it out in a way that someone might see it. It feels less real or cathartic when it is just sealed away in a journal, almost masturbatory. It is not out of my head then, it is just infecting another part of my space. Typically, my form of healing involves

I made my world to small. I was convinced that a few truly solid places to stand would be enough and that if I ever really needed more I could simply find them as I always have. But as my body and my mind begin to show their failing I am coming to understand that my plans made many assumptions about

healthing, and growth. I am simply no longer able to be the person that was able to fashion these connections and I don't have the time to do so even if I was. My decline has not been sudden but it has not been subtle and gradual either. As I have leaned on my support system more and more as my

I made my world to small. I was convinced that a few truly solid places to stand would be enough and that if I ever really needed more I could simply find them as I always have. But as my body and my mind begin to show their failing I am coming to understand that my plans made many assumptions about

I don't know when it started happening to be honest I'm falling apart but I don't know for certain what that means because every time I try to pin point the "start" the timeline moves further back. My life is objectively great. I have a good, stable, fulfilling job. I have a beautiful wife who loves

road because if that happens I don't think I can rebuild in my current state. The help I am getting is insufficient but more critical care would likely ruin my life and I don't seem to have the right words to ask if there is something between the two that might serve me better. I'm going to keep

I don't know when it started happening to be honest I'm falling apart but I don't know for certain what that means because every time I try to pin point the "start" the timeline moves further back. My life is objectively great. I have a good, stable, fulfilling job. I have a beautiful wife who loves

Actually "solve" my problem so please have no fear that this is some kind of goodbye. I just needed to spew this out in a place that my loved ones wouldn't have to see me suffering yet again. I have never been a particularly happy person and that's ok. I found joy where I could. But the last few

I don't know when it started happening to be honest I'm falling apart but I don't know for certain what that means because every time I try to pin point the "start" the timeline moves further back. My life is objectively great. I have a good, stable, fulfilling job. I have a beautiful wife who loves

and I don't know that there was a reason. It just kept happening. I feel my world getting smaller and smaller and less control over my body and mind every day. I am a constant roll of anger, sadness, emptyness, and pain at all hours. When I mask they get to relax because I'm "getting better" and

I don't know when it started happening to be honest I'm falling apart but I don't know for certain what that means because every time I try to pin point the "start" the timeline moves further back. My life is objectively great. I have a good, stable, fulfilling job. I have a beautiful wife who loves