FoggyTLD

I have scaled the 3-stair step ladder to retrieve the heavy old pet coffin to fish out the final, missing Halloween item. I'd be depressed that there are only 5 more spooky days, but I'm extending the holiday so I can leave stuff out for a visiting friend next week. So say I. So mote it be.

Six days later and I'm still in a hopeless funk. Endlessly scrolling IG is, surprisingly, not the answer. Excuse me while I creep out a bunch of Bluesky folk by liking a weeks' worth of their posts that i missed while I wandered astray...

Dammit dammit dammit. Saw Brandi Carlile on my IG feed--shredding Uninvited by Alanis Morissette--and her guitar playing, her look, her energy reminds me of my wife in her prime. A million daggers to the heart. I miss that version of her, which #dementia has stolen. 💔 #LewyBodyDementia

Well, at least I got a couple hours of really good sleep. And now I'm awake. Dammit.

Have been on ADHD meds for several years now. This doctor's appt was the first time they drug tested me. I never knew that was a thing. I'm still somewhat indignant about it. 😤

@onenerdyopinion.bsky.social

I got to pet a very soft black n white kitty today!!! And a beautiful German shepherd!!! Worth getting the required smog check just to visit with the "locals." (Sorry--forgot to get pix)

FoggyTLD reposted

Matt Ramsey

7 Aug

My friend’s daughter has been diagnosed with Leigh Syndrome, a mitochondrial disease which currently has no cure. They are fundraising for a clinical trial but the goal is astronomical. Please share this around and give if you are able. give.curemito.org/fundraiser/7...

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Good lordt, the wife is in SUCH a MOOD lately. But when she swears at me and such it's mostly just funny to me because it comes out so clearly, while her speech is usually garbled the rest of the time these days. Gotta laugh when we can. #dementia #LewyBodyDementia

She healed an abscess by herself, w/ only the help of antifungal meds. This tiny scab is all that's left. How? The antifungal meds treat the underlying cause: valley fever. It's a fungal infection common in dry areas. Usually presents as mild respiratory illness that clears itself.

But she had to be special. First time she abscessed, we thought the usual--a wound. Nearly $4,000 of surgical intervention & testing later, valley fever ID'd. So, we skipped the xrays & surgery this time. Now we're down to occasional $400 test to ensure she's getting enough of the meds. Whew!

22 Sept

Gotdammitall. Gallbladder is all stabby after two days of black bean soup. What a stupid thing to react to--beans. Dumb gallbladder.

20 Sept

This good girl got to share a breakfast of eggs, sausage, and waffles with her humans. She absolutely does not care if you think that's a no-no.

8 Sept

What's it like inside your head

Big Bearded Spookseller@bigbeardedbookseller.com

What’s it like inside your head

27 Aug

Oh no! Another icon!

Robin Rimbaud - Scanner@scannerdot.com

Farewell today to the high priestess of polka dots, Japanese artist Yayoi Kusama (1929-2026). Her work was unforgettable and for her, a means to survival. It’s playful, psychedelic, compulsive, beautiful and slightly unsettling all at once. Into infinity and beyond Yayoi! 🔴🟡⚫️

26 Aug

NOoooooo! First Dolly and now Tim Curry?! Too much light lost this week.

People Magazine @people.com

🔗: bit.ly/3UmWc0D Tim Curry has died at age 80. The British actor was known for iconic roles like Dr. Frank-N-Furter in 'The Rocky Horror Picture Show' and Pennywise in 'It.' 📷️: Dimitrios Kambouris/WireImage

25 Aug

I'm SO glad I'm back on my meds, because all of the lovely accolades about Dolly, and THIS, woulda done me in.

Jonathan Edward Durham@thisone0verhere.bsky.social

I know it’s hard to watch all these beautiful things be carried away by time and see the wrong things growing in their place. But listen. Listen. We have to be the beautiful things now. It has to be us. It has to be us. Courage.

21 Aug

Why does watching the musical stylings of The Blues Brothers make the tears start flowing? I'll tell you why. I ran out of my stupid antidepressants 4 days ago. That's why. Dammit. I'll just be over here choking back the sobs for a bit. Carry on.

25 June

We started hospice care today, and, oof, I did not expect these emotions. It feels a bit like defeat, or not working hard enough, or something. Even tho many in the #LBD groups stress that hospice isn't just imminent end-of-life care anymore, 1/2

25 June

it still feels a bit ominous. But it's a resource, where so few are avail to caregivers. And it could still be years. The LBD rollercoaster is a helluva scary ride. 2/2

29 May

She's gone over the rainbow. Very peacefully, if only that would ease the heartbreak.

FoggyTLD@foggytld.bsky.social

Status: Stupidly proud I know the date while filling out forms. Status 2: Facing the possibility that our old girl will have to go over the rainbow because of an infected tooth. She can't go under sedation because she's in congestive heart failure. Waiting on the vet's verdict. 😭

27 May

4 May

Y'know those disorientingly deep naps, when you drift off watching Big Bang Theory and wake up thinking you slept all day but it's only been 30 minutes? Except I did. I slept all night. More like passed out, I think. And now I'm a fan of Peppa Pig?

Listening to the radio, another song about the mountains they'd climb for love. And I love these songs, but am now wracking my brain for any that talk about the mutual indignities they'd endure for love. Not to pick on it, because it's one of my faves, but will you do 500 1/4

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Become an unpaid secretary, financial mgr, patient advocate, med researcher, shuttle driver, cook, maid, personal shopper? Will you slay the demons of your own inadequacies, so you can fight still more? Dry her tears, endure her curses, decipher gibberish, and guffaw when the sass is clear? 3/4

Can you still see in her the sexiest woman alive who stopped your heart, go dizzy at the thought of her scent and thrill of her breath in your ear, swoon at the heady memory of those days, so long gone? And say you'd do it all again? 4/4

@harpergruffy.bsky.social

loads of laundry soiled with all manner of excretions, and then do 500 more? Glove up to dig out impacted poop? Pop out the dentures for cleaning? Sacrifice your back to pick them up off the floor? Give up travel, sleep, alone time? 2/4

FoggyTLD reposted

harper gruffy 💛

23 Apr

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ko-fi.com[SKEB] Cat doodleCommission available on Ko-fi.com

21 Apr

Today, we both ended up on the floor, in a puddle of spilled coffee and flavored water. No harm. Just. <sigh> #dementia #LBD

11 Apr

Not a moment too soon. Oh happy day--both brain meds were filled. Now I wait to see how long it takes for the glitchiness and the leaky eyes to go away...

11 Apr

And these astronauts are NOT helping on the leaking eyes front...

youtu.be8 HOURS of Purring Kittens | ASMR for Relaxation, Sleep & Comforting CatsYouTube video by ClaireCats

I just found this. Why did it take me so long? Here, for those nights that only a purring kitten, or two, can help: youtu.be/u5UXqm4tFSE?...

Oh, I get it now, thanks to the electricity crackling in my head. It's colored red, tho I don't usually see what I hear. But it's red, & it's staticky. A walkie talkie of mental un-welfare. Which I bat away as annoying background chatter, until it's too loud to ignore. 1/3

And then it's clear. These tears coming, unbidden, for the 3rd time today, are wet reminders. The charged red noise tells me about missed doses. It will shut up when I feed it meds. And the tears will stop. Numbed away. But functional. 2/3

So call the doc. Call the pharmacy. Stress the urgency. Until they remove whatever obstacle is causing delay. Drug away the infernal clatter. And free me from these feelings. 3/3

8 Apr

Finally brought her home from rehab yesterday and Tigger is Tiggering and this Eeyore is SO tired 😭

5 Apr

Tigger is sleeping! So, I could be sleeping! I *should* be sleeping. But every time I start to doze off, a thousand tiny electrical pulses zap me awake. No idea why. Not a fan. Do not recommend.

2 Apr

I have moved to the we'll-try-just-about-anything stage of looking for sleep solutions. As in, please, please, just go to sleep Tigger! And stay asleep! Trying pink noise and a grounding mat tonight. But nothing will make a difference until she lays down... Waiting... #dementia #LBD

31 Mar

I hate it when doing things like *sitting normally* and *standing a lot* turn my lower legs into stumps, reminding me to take better care of this stupid corporeal form.

30 Mar

Ummm... The head social worker at the nursing facility is channeling Mimi from the Drew Carey Show. I'm ded.

29 Mar

For all your resin casting needs...

26 Mar

You know that episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer when Joyce & the hospitalized crazies are all seeing what people assume are hallucinations? Tonight feels that way at the nursing home. Multiple voices--not the usual ones--calling out, talking, making strange noises, against a 1/2

26 Mar

quiet background. No TV sounds, no bustle of busy staff. Which makes it more disconcerting. & Tigger. Hyperkinetic motion. Nonstop action. Extreme restlessness. Her voice, crying, begging, rising, falling, articulate, gibberish, adding to the odd chorus. If only Buffy could save us. #LBD

24 Mar

The poor nurse. Tigger fell during her watch. Because Tigger gonna bounce, no matter how hard one tries to keep up with her. So, now Tigger starts spewing vitriole and profanity whenever she sees the nurse. Others are amused. That poor nurse is mortified #dementia #LBD

24 Mar

Forgot to grab a caffeine pill before heading back to the nursing home, and I can already feel what a mistake that was. A venti macchiato isn't gonna do the job. 💤

We're not in the crazies wing, but you sure wouldn't know it from the night sounds. There's a Danny Trejo sound-alike who hallucinates loudly, cursing his family's (hallucinated) killer. A crying lady, who simply sits and sobs, so heartbreakingly. And one I think of as the bird. 1/3

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The exhaustion of staying nights (yes, still) with her may send me to the loony wing. Physical therapy and post-op rehab with LBD. Not for the faint of heart. #dementia 3/3

My heart. I want to go pet the bird, who is making pitiable little noises as the nurse administers midnight meds to others but not to bird. No words; only the wimper-squawk-mewl of a night creature who wants more meds.

The bird sounds like a cross between a raptor, a cat, and a baby. I think of this one as a tiny thing with downy wisps of hair. Their vocalizations escalate when yelling Danny Trejo gets going. I almost forgot the singer, who serenaded us w/ Patsy Cline's Walkin' After Midnight. 2/3

18 Mar

Reality hitting hard now. I have to leave her in the hands of strangers tomorrow, and for who knows how long. Rehab to help her walk and sit and stand again. Necessary, but how to tell her I can't stay the night anymore. How to leave, knowing the crying and ranting that's sure to follow? #LBD