gapernet

I'm weary from a lifetime wasted singing camp songs in my head. I can't even find peace down by a bay without them invading my thoughts. I'm sick of this shit. Whoever wrote all those summer camp songs can suck my John Jacob Jingleheimer Dick.

Is the plural of plethora 'plethoræ'?

I ain't smoke weed in 15-16 months and deadass I haven't really craved it, but juicy nerds gummy clusters are SO good that it makes me wanna get stoned just to see if it's possible to appreciate them any more than I already do.

Carob is gaslighting.

One of my favorite bits to get my wife's goat is, if I time it just right, her watch's voice-to-text records my interjection right after she hits send, so it transcribes it and she can't cancel. This was her to our babysitter.

One of my favorite bits to get my wife's goat is, if I time it just right, her watch's voice-to-text records my interjection right after she hits send, so it transcribes it and she can't cancel. This was her to our babysitter.

Listening to Werner Herzog read the audiobook of his memoir Every Man For Himself And God Against All is beautiful and absurd. He watched dozens of weasels run down a hillside! He stabbed his brother in an argument about their pet hamster! His mother was a Doctor of Biology who studied fish hearing!

cold water is a tasty treat

Needs a stick figure @spicybigdad.bsky.social getting toppy for accuracy www.opb.org/article/2026...

Summer camp songs are such annoying earworms. 30 years later I'm still thinking about Ite-ite-iting eyepples and banigh-nighs. Ever since I was 11, every time I meet someone named Joe my first thought is "He must work in a button factory." I'm tired of this shit.

Y'know how British people call "H" "Haitch"? And how older Brooklyn guys pronounce H words with with a Y instead? Like how Mel Brooks says "Yooge" and "Yooman" and whatnot? Bernie doing his alphabet at school if he moved to East London when he was nine: "…dee ee eff gee, YAITCH aye jay kay…"

I am going to have to buy a key-locking gas cap for my truck; I fell victim to siphoning again last night. I can only hope is was some jerkass way into huffing who can't afford their habit, rather than a poor soul who can't afford to drive their kids to school

Me: I used to think Andre 3000 was the best rapper, but now I am certain Big Boi is the best rapper ever. Biblical Scholar: ahh, yes, 1 Corinthians 13:11.

Been seeing a bunch of worms lately after it rains. That's kinda nice. I'd rather see a worm than not see a worm. If seeing a bear is 200 exciting points, seeing a worm is 1 exciting point. I've definitely seen 200 worms in the last few weeks, so in aggregate that's as exciting as seeing a bear.

@early90spants.com Hey Producer Dan my buddy and I are going crazy trying to figure out what the YKS bumper music is, like coming back from ads and whatnot. We are both sure we've heard it before but we can't place it. My guess is it's from a sitcom I never watched on purpose. Please help us!

For some reason my wife's glasses came with this cum rag with good cumrag advice printed on it.

Thinking about how horny springtime used to make me when I was young makes me really horny.

Dogg the app added more stats for NYT Connections and I am so psyched. 'Purple First' is an excellent stat to see I look at the wordlebot after every puzzle and for crossword data I actually use an external site, xwstats.com.

Chili Restaurant. 4 base chilis: •red w/ chunks •red w ground •green •green w/ pork •1 (maybe two*) rotating chili Toppings bar Fried okra, beans & rice, collard greens, cornbread, house-made little flour tortillas. *maybe 1 rotating house chili & 1 rotating guest chili

I've been noticing huge loogies on the drivers' sides of cybetrucks after I walk past them. I'll be walking up and I don't see anything there, and then after I walk past when I look back there's a big gob of boogs and spit right there where you open the door. It's the damnedest thing.

I've seen plenty (PLENTY.) of porno videos that purport to be truly amateur, but they obviously have a giant special effects budget to make the guy's hog appear to be huge. I can't concentrate when they use VFX to make it look more than 4". That's too unrealistic and I can't suspend my disbelief.

If Resist Liberals were serious about opposing PresidentTrump they should have pulled a Dirty Work during the car commercial he did today.

I think only worms should be called "worms". We need a different word for all those other animals called "worms" that aren't worms. None of those those marine worms or insect larvae or microscopic creatures should be called "worms". Worms are worms and that's it.

We're teaching The Boy people make bad choices, but there aren't "bad guys". He asks "I need to ask you something. Police put people in jail when they make bad choices. Why do people wanna do that?" Right away my brilliant wife said "we don't really know why people want to be police officers.".

The top five beneficiaries of masking were: 1) piggy-nosed women with decent bods 2) people who would die otherwise 3) people who have to look at people with severely ugly faces 4) people with severely ugly faces 5) loved ones of people who would die otherwise

Tony Blinken was strong determined evil, boasting "Good news Bibi, I persuaded Joe to throw in an extra $100 million worth of bombs for those refugee camps." Little Marco is pathetic evil, sheepishly muttering "I'm sorry President Zelensky, but President Trump says you gotta go home now."

Somebody needs to invent a modular bun that can accommodate either a burger or a sausage with grace.

Boner Boperator: long-hail trucker / sex worker. always pulls a double trailer. back trailer is the payload she's hauling; front trailer is a fancy bordello where she does sex work. Boner Boperator.

I've been thinking about that scene in Basic Instinct where you see Sharon Stone's pussy. I think one of the best things about that scene is when you see her pussy.

Weed bubblegum should be a popular thing.

I never could have accurately predicted how much were gonna be accurately using the terms "henchmen" and "goons" during this administration.

It's cool that The Brutalist has an intermission so you know when to re-up your weed gummies.

Just saw that new Timothee Chalomet movie. Apparently that guy Bob he played was, like, a real person in real life.

Slick move, @chriswade.bsky.social. I caught how you used the Grateful Dead playing at the pyramids as bumper music after hot pyramid talk.

The Narduwar interview of Andre 3000 is tight cuz Andre 3000 is the first person Narduwar has ever interviewed who is exactly on Narduwar's level. Narduwar never perplexes Three Stacks, he just really feels everything Narduwar throws at him.

I do the NYT Crossword every night. I put a lot of pressure on myself to complete it quickly. I do the crossword as if I'm being scrutinized by another party even though I know no real person cares. And I didn't talk about it cuz I know it's boring. I still pressure myself as if everybody cares.

Call me Nancy Pelosi's fake boobs the way I'm performatively standing up for the Liberal Resistance.

I used the chrome extension Porto to import all my classic hilarious tweets from X™ THE EVERYTHING APP™ so that's why all that brilliant shit may have just hit your timeline at once. Now I'm gonna delete my account with X™ THE EVERYTHING APP™.

The jizz totally dissolved the lint. There's no practical reason to replicate it, and it was a utilitarian act (closest possible jizz rag), not something that turned me on. So there is no reason for me to do it again ever.

The way my laundry machines are configured I think you would need either a 16" dick or a 26" waist to get your dick into the lint trap. I'm about ten inches off on both of those measures

When I was a kid everybody thought you had to eat the whole bag of mushrooms. It wasn't until after 9/11 that we as a society started just eating just a stem or a couple caps or whatever.