🌻 worm 🌻

hey gang whats up

a perfectly symmetrical improv troop called Yes Anderson

own up right now. which 200k of you are taking the shot without the chaser

ye man

this is me btw. if you even care

this is my impression of JFK if he wanted to fuck the moon: we choose to go to the moon not because it is easy, but because i am hard

i want to travel the world! so i can play balatro in other countries

*bob mortimer on would i lie to you*: i was coronated the king of djibouti in 1983 [8 minutes of whimsical nonsense] mortimer: it's TRUE!

hey man really looking forward to the party!! is it cool if i cancel like 15 minutes before i leave on the day?

wow they're just like us

in the iceland club. straight up "bjorking it". and by "it". haha. well. let's justr say. My veanus (as a boy)

ive never made an honest mistake. only dishonest mistakes. oh i misspelled a word? did it to fuck with you

"aww the cat distribution system!" i say, stuffing a zoo lion into the back of my three door

headline: man who stole 18 animals from the zoo named me: HE DIDNT HAVE A NAME UNTIL JUST NOW???

laughing and smiling today

what the fuck does this mean

bleep n bloop

happy 2️⃣0️⃣1️⃣2️⃣

*doing that thing where someone dies and i close their eyes but i do it one at a time*

i am getting so good at identifying birds! for example, if you show me pictures of two different birds, i will almost always be able to tell you that they are both birds

guy at moorgate going absolutely hog wild on a flute over a trap beat at midnight, not even busking. i love this city so much

didn't read the "Police driver who hit" part of the headline and cheered out loud on the bog

she was so right. i AM listening to Oncle Jazz

we interviewed some people about what they make of this, clearly good news. but, for measure, we also interviewed some absolute fucking idiots

using AI to power a loud klaxon any time i think about her

uber eats: u look hungry me: ya uber eats: but ur so fuckin lazy me: ya uber eats: i bet little piggy wants a 15 dollar ice cream cone delivered me: ya

Ed Balls

i thought my 20s would be crazy partying every night but it's mostly making sandwiches. then tidying up from making sandwiches.

saw a poster for the wildlife photographer of the year competition and it had a picture of a monkey on it and my immediate thought was "there's no way he knows how to use a camera"

so is this where people hang out now

there are so many films that dare to answer the question "what if there was a fucked up guy". most of the time it's bad

there is nothing stopping you from changing your name to "fuckwit", i say to my son Jorts Shitmouth

my name is Anklebert Sandwich the 2nd and i was a production assistant on the movie President Widelegs