LED Headlight Enjoyer

[crappin’ my ass off on the toliet] *unmutes Teams to say something at the exact moment a turd bloinks into the water* No concerns

hey guys how did the eagles do last night

Everyone’s acting like they wish they were dead. Some Philly sports team must be playing.

There it is. The ultimate Bluesky post.

We’ve officially entered post-wokeism. Not utilizing tech billionaires’ earth-killing plagiarism machine is privileged, elitist, and dare I say, maybe even ableist(?) Please adjust your behavior accordingly.

Thoughts & prayers

High-speed rail? Heh, but enough about me and your dad last night

Remember Tommy Teepell? This is him now. Feel old yet?

If you're gonna watch the Eagles, might I suggest a slight alteration

Did our very good and normal president have a massive aneurysm last night after he made that big post and shit himself to death?

To everyone celebrating Lula’s victory in Brazil: have you considered how your gloating is making the defeated Bolsonarists feel?? A bunch of neofascist losers are upset and you’re laughing?? Here’s why you’re actually what’s wrong with the world, my NYT Op Ed:

Hearing reports that upon seeing the Brazilian election results, Jair Bolsonaro got so mad he died

Sounds like the people of Brazil said bolsoNAHro am I right folks!!

Poop pile. Never flushed.

Imagine if Twain & Hemingway had to deal with these kinds of restrictions. This website is a prison.

Seems like some folks don’t like LED headlights after all. I wonder if perhaps instead you’d prefer LEDeez NUTZSZ!!!!

Love to drive to see the foliage while coal rolling and blinding other drivers with my ultra bright headlights

I think @ironghazi.bsky.social was just in front of me

Very generous but how much is he giving to bottoms?

Very generous but how much is he giving to bottoms?

No problem, any time

If you love my post, it was all me baby! But if I said something problematic, well then; I think we can all agree I was hacked

What’s everyone up to tonight? Oh Sports? No way

It’s illegal to say I was owned btw

You can get in a lot of trouble for calling 911 when you shouldn’t. A dear friend of mine called 911 and he got in so much trouble that a bunch of navy seals went to his house in Pakistan and killed him

Just got done reading a book wherein the author talked about berniebros and getting piled on with tweets featuring pigpoopballs following the 2016 election. I’ve never felt so close to being in a book - like when your neighbor is on the news for something bad

Come to Philadelphia in the next 5 minutes if you want your ass kicked

Yeah they’re not even lopping people’s heads off, so much for tradition

[borderline illiterate US idiot voice (8th grade education)] look at what france is doing to their own city. That's not very french of them. How can they do this. That's not how you change things in france

Finding out Tommy’s dad’s name is Timmy

Tommy Teepell trotted out tropes to try and be tricky at a townhall but was tragically trounced

His last living act was shitting his pants while the team band played "Dixie" at halftime

🏈 Fun football fact: the guy who founded the Washington Commanders got so mad about black peoples playing in the NFL that his brain exploded and he died 🧠🪦

A pool repair was attempted and the paint didn't stick. No other important details to include in this headline! We need harsher terms for journalistic malpractice and media complicity of this magnitude