jack's microblog

gay breakup so bad it makes you apply to obs and gynae training

the chicken thigh radiates a joy and lust for life that the chicken breast will never understand

im an italo futurist in the sense I cant what to see what wacky new shapes of pasta those nutters can invent next !

there should be a social democratic Rick and Morty @amdyburnhan

(Kate Nash rejected draft voice) You said I must eat so many gourds, because I am so bitter!

just queered airfriers, cheers all

bishops stortford. quintessential market town. nuff said.

cameron winter has debuted a moving song about feeling like the wilted spinach leaf in a meal deal egg pot

jeedy peeyar

exciting! the vampire's castle!

teenyboppers and lounge lizards alike can find something to get their toes tapping with BBC radio's diverse musical offer

lets just say my ward round documentation tends towards the baroque ...

miss spinach and ricotta tortellini did what she had to do

might compromise on flavour tonight

mind if i infuse your surf rock style with indie sensibilities?

andy pandy fell off

bro last night was an incriminating audit trail fr

medical school equips you with the skills to handle a situation like this

pilots and cabin crew are snappy dressers, its their calling card

(not understanding anything): yannis varoufakis is jarvis cocker's wife

the hyphen key on my laptop hasn't worked for some time, so i have bookmarked the wikipedia page for hyphen and copy and paste as required, have a good weekend all

the central dogma of obstetrics is that the babies should always come out, what if i flipped that on its head and put some babies back in ?

whenever i see two guys with a mullet and a moustache it's like oh i didn't realize Getdown Services were here ?

last night was a german compound noun bro

as teenagers me and my brother would occasionally take a crisp £5 note to the bureau de change and swap it for an unusual currency

they are closing the post office near me and are going to replace it with a counter at the back of a kebab shop

join me at the community centre open plan bidet, playboy?

me and 16 of my buddies are gonna optimally pack ourselves in a square later if you want to try and squeeze in

common misconception but the band is actually call Wet and Leg, its the names of the girls

(kate nash voice): he said said you must eat so many olives cos you are so, umami

lead your donkeys over the bones of the dead

just executed a textbook rolling boil

every episode of 4 in a bed has to have the sinister gay couple

5 martinis at rasputin's has me feeling like i could moonwalk up the side of the shard

doinky ploinky by which i of course mean Druve Your Plough Over The Bones Of The Dead

Recruiting the Somerset Gimp as an Iranian proxy for a series of incidents which will bring terror to the communities of Street and Burnham on Sea

we need a mission economy national push to breed an affordable and delicious alternative to pine nuts

(getting killed on a dark web live stream for rich sadists) Masked Torturer smashing my knee with a hammer: Tell the camera how that feels. Me: It smarts...

lifeguard kept blowing his whistle at me because I was going down the flumes with too much melancholy

does anyone know if how we spend our days is how we spend our lives ?

you are not a right wing commentator developing a worldview based on a deeper meaning around lanyards and their symbolism, you are someone experiencing low grade psychosis

a time I have had to make a decision under pressure ? I'd guess I'd have to say the time i decided not to approach laura marling and her child while sobbing immediately post relationship autopsy walk with the ex in london fields