Jason the Spooky ®️ 💛🤍💜🖤

Cracker Barrel is what happens if you let white people run a soul food restaurant.

Here I thought it was a follow up to The Wicker Man, not just a movie about a wicker man.

The Dark Tower Between My Legs.

Everything, Everywhere, All at Once Between My Legs.

It’s Monday, which means our computers aren’t working right. Every. Damn. Monday.

I bet Bluesky has a higher percentage of desktop/laptop users than most socials.

Coffee isn’t doing it this morning. May have to break into the cocaine.

gofund.me/5b960d72e

My Airbnb host is making me let them pet the two wolves.

If you need someone to talk to, call me. It’ll go to voicemail, and you can leave a long message for me to delete. Not too long or it will cut you off.

It’s wild how often I come up with a great skeet just to forget by the time I get my phone.

Posting hole

It’s wild the noises I make as I get older. So many noises.

Happy hump day to those who celebrate.

Apparently I type “oof” in response to enough texts that my phone now offers that as a suggestion. So much “oof”.

At least we can all agree Shane Gillis isn’t funny.

Problem is I work with the public and I lowkey hate the public.

Add a photo you took of something good

Apparently, telling people you’re a lawyer doesn’t get you as far as you might have thought if you’re not actually a lawyer.

I know it’s just religious trauma, but it makes my skin crawl when anyone says “have a blessed day”.

Folks, I know it’s still October, but it will be Christmas in 11 days.

Little known fact: El Niño is actually Spanish for The Niño.

If you’re wondering if I have you muted, I probably do.

Does anyone know if Jimothy is alright?

Got an email from Ancestry that said my dna had been updated, and now I’m questioning whether we are all AI.

“I will buy you a new life” by everclear just came on and I feel like I traveled back in time.

Add a photo you took of something good

I’m bored. What are y’all’s thoughts on pancakes, waffles, and French toast?

Notarizing my poop time for tax purposes

Thought you’d all like to know I’m a licensed notary. Do with that as you will.

Me hyping myself up: skeet through the pain man, skeet through the pain.

Crossing the rainbow bridge should really be a term for coming out.

My coworker is sleeping on the job again.

How much longer until Saturday?

Sometimes you type a joke and realize it’s not funny. Sometimes you have to post it and let the internet tell you it’s not funny.

“Doing it” is such a vague, generic phrase, yet we all know exactly what it means.

We just don’t see urban legends about minor celebrities dying from eating pop rocks and coke like we used to.

If you think I’m annoying, you should meet you.

If things keep up at this pace, I’m gonna need better drugs.

Trying to figure out if I’m funny or just mentally ill.

Weird how many shows feature a narcissistic, abusive mom character, and everyone is just like “you gotta love her”.

I drank a whisky drink I drank a vodka drink

Wonder why we quit using death masks.

I feel like every week we’re learning about something new that can cause diarrhea. This is where science has taken us.

Or, perhaps, just close enough