Jasper J. Jaspers

I apologize in advance to all y'all, I'm going to be spending the next four years Tweeting through this

"Candle Cove is a story about a children's puppet show that grows steadily more unsettling and horrifying, meant as a parable of the dangers of unchecked media consumption and the negligence of broadcasters towards children." (SyFy Channel) "Got it. Tooth monster."

Light grievance, I was the only one in the theater for Resident Evil who laughed at the green herb. Enough people got the typewriter immediately, but I was the idiot who was laughing alone at a potted plant. I don't know who to be upset at here.

A new neologism we need to join the likes of manspread, mansplain and manterrupt: Mandignation When a woman makes a mild criticism of male behavior and some guy online decides to take umbrage, trying to spin the circumstance, making the woman seem hostile or immature.

(Votive featuring Mary Pickford burns solemnly in a darkened auditorium)

Down in the mouth, senator Eric Schmitt returns to Missouri, hoping to lift his spirits and downplay his tarnished reputation by arranging to see the Blues home opener

Step 1: Create a network of LLMs and Image Generators Step 2: Lobby congress for Kafkaesque roadblocks to adult websites Step 3: Convince the world data centers are a trillion dollar necessity Final step: Own a smut empire the likes of which Larry Flynt could never have dreamed of.

Watch, Bilibili and OK.Ru are about to become the two most popular streaming sites in America

Heel not greeted as face as he steps on others. (reads that) ...There are many reasons I didn't major in journalism.

Crushed by corporate interests is the most inglorious way for a spider to die

Uh-oh, my aunt* in Boulder is going to use this as leverage† to get me to visit. * pronounced like the insect † two syllables mydialect.us/quiz-standar...

This is something I've noticed with increasing frequency: Anyone can direct a bad movie. There are lots of reasons why things go south. Instead, a bad director is someone who makes a good movie and then spends the next decade making you feel like a fool for liking it so much.

Means, motive and opportunity are all right there for all to see. No doubts there. The question is instead, is crime illegal?

No bad thoughts tonight, but I did encounter two young girls playing a new variant of the Penis Game, except instead of saying "Penis" in increasingly louder volumes, they were saying "Elon Musk" Now that is more vulgar, longer, and wittier.

Fear me, suburban America. I not only live in the city, I have opinions on car-centric infrastructure. Boogedy-boogedy-boogie!

Renegade Magic 8-Ball answers: "You know damn well what you should do." "Oh gee, maybe try being an adult?" "I don't know, did you even try finding out youself?" "I'm a damn toy. I'm sold next to Slinkys." "Oooh, Magic 8-Ball! Meemeee mee mee mee. That's what you sound like."

Steer half the people towards the inappropriate relation, steer the other half towards her clearly toting around a diaper bag. Make it so defenders never know which argument to be focusing on.

Clear takeaways: - All art is a labor of love - Always challenge yourself - Children deserve quality media Lesser takeaways: - The 1950s were a really boring time to be a kid - Publishers will always screw you - Don't write a book about novelty food. You will have to eat it forever.

A small percent of you are still on Xitter for whatever reason, and you do you, but god damn, stop screenshotting the most vile takes and posting them over here. I don't want to see them. That's why I left. Your caption 'Look at this fucking asshole' is not as transformative as you think it is.

(Tournament announcer voice) In this corner! The youth of America! Who decide what trends live and die with their disposal income and influence as they enter the work force! And in this corner! Billionaires! Who have burnt their goodwill, survive on bailouts, & haven't had a good idea in 15 years!

Tournament of all the things from the past decade we thought were jokes that turned out to be deathly serious: this doesn't even make the quarter-finals. It gets knocked out alongside La La Land's BP Oscar.

A cynical me thought for a moment this would just lead to more unboxing haul and AI meme TikToks. But then I realized: What would TikTok look like if creators made videos they actually wanted to make because maximum engagement wasn't a financial imperative?

Tournament: Something that abhors ties Tourniquet: Something that must be tied We can therefore deduce Mentors are people who give up, and Quettors are very determined.

Of all the things I miss from the pre-slop internet, it was the impetus of people to write things out when no one else had, especially when they were really bad at writing.

(lies back in easy chair, resting a cool towel over my eyes) I can't believe we're doing "you have to have a very high IQ to understand Rick and Morty" again.

Offer me whatever cope you want concerning Binface/Farage, I've seen what happens when you have an election between an open Fascist who's already shit the bed and literally anybody else. It's not going to go the way you're wanting it to.

Me: Still me: Pierre Coffin: The Minions were never implicated for crimes against humanity at Nuremberg

Me visiting the reflecting pool