J.D. MacGregor

Yes, I am smarter than your brother.

I moved to Baltimore City in 2014, and it just keeps getting classier by the day.

Don't Google Orson Scott Card.

What the hell happened to Gen X!? One minute ya'll were well dressed pumpkins the next you were Billy Corgan.

Living, laughing, toaster bathing.

One hundred percent of all people who have seen Defending Your Life agree that's what they'd like the afterlife to be.

I can tell that I'm getting older because I'm starting to become a real boomer about password requirements.

This is lucy! She gonna bork at you.

Movie Tariffs. We are a stupid country, and we deserve this.

All ketchup should be spicy ketchup by default.

Armed with the knowledge that African Elephants perceive human beings in a way that's isn't dissimilar to human beings perceive dogs really makes you wonder about the experience those animals had during the Second Punic War. That is an experience reality can generate. Be happy with your life.

To understand these people, you have to acknowledge that they are operating under the presupposition that homosexuality is contagious. It's the reason christofacist evangelicals in America lose their minds regarding gay folk teaching in public schools.

Videodrome doesn't really hold up as a modern horror film, but it's still worth watching because bad things happen to James Woods.

You could give those guys knives, and I'm still picking the gorilla.

The very best Bethesda game is always the one you played first, and all of you god damn nerds are wrong. You should have started with Morrowind.

It's the only thing that works. The problem with Jon Stewart is that his whole bit is trying to talk authoritarians out of being authoritarian with clever reasoning and articulate debate. But that doesn't work. You have to mock them.

Okay. He's got my attention. I'm taking notes.

I'm just throwing this out there, but Pete Buttigieg never killed the pope. Not one pope.

Did J.D. Vance kill the pope?

Today is a holiday in my religion. We gather together to blaze it in order to honor the imprisonment of Derek Chauvin.

You can not convince me that RFK Jr. isn't wearing a mask of his own face. He was clearly involved in some kind of a Darkman-esque laboratory accident, and that's how he chose to cope rather than becoming Liam Neeson.

George, on one hand, I'm sympathetic. You're an artist, and the world isn't owed your work, but on the other, nobody made you gaslight your audience for over a decade. www.msn.com/en-us/tv/new...

Dana Carvey has to soldier through life every day with the knowledge that he peaked during Wayne's World.

I love how litigious Games Workshop is despite their sole IP being 'What if Dune, but cocaine?'

I have a feeling that a lot of Natalie Imbruglia's problems would go away if she just stood up and got dressed.

Okay, here's the plan. We're going to remake Ender's Game, but we're going to do it 1981 and cast River Phoenix and Kurtwood Smith.

Michael Ironside was absolutely correct. Nerf Football, Neon Violin, and Keg of Beer is the best. A man can aspire to no higher things.

I started doing old people exercise classes because I thought it was be fun and kitschy to be the youngest person in the room only to realize to my shock and horror that I am in fact old enough to have voted for John Kerry.

One of the things I find frustrating about getting older is watching Jon Stewart struggle with his role as the scion of liberalism.

I am seeing Millennials start to post things like “You can’t scare us, don’t mess with us, you don’t know who you’re dealing with, we survived 2008!” and no. No. Absolutely not. We are not doing “we drank out of garden hoses” posts like a bunch of Xers. Have some pride, for heaven’s sake.

Balatro is a really fun game right up and until fuck this game.

Okay. Do we have tariffs or not?

Mikey 17 ... it's a movie. I'm not saying it's bad, just that it has beginning, middle, and then an end.

Does anybody remember when we used to print the internet on dead trees?

It's high time ya'll just admitted that Robinhood: Men in Tights is Dave Chapelle's high water mark.