jfarren.bsky.social

The scene in the 1933 film classic King Kong had a notable scene cut from the final edit where the misunderstood beast took a huge shit in Time Square. The directorial decision has been debated by cinephiles for almost a century, but I get it.

Can’t wait to hear what Scaramucci says about this!!!!!! Get that man on my TEE VEE can’t fucking wait, so exciting!!!

What a crazy day.

If someone violated my personal space while I was jacking it I would use my free hand to establish boundaries I was comfortable with.

I would be a regular and loyal customer of a shop that only sold artisanal croutons. I would patronize it on the reg.

Give him the dignity of a full sized gun. He deserves no less.

Milan Kundera describes the “untranslatable” Czech word Litost as a state of torment and helplessness caused by the sudden realization of one's own misery, usually provoked by comparing one’s self to someone else's ease, success, or status.

Soi Nana in the rain can be magical. #Bangkok

I'll give you my butthole laser when you pry it from my cold, dead hands

LEARN 2 PIRATE - dashare.zone ADMIN

Have you ever met anyone in your life

I love farts and piss and turds but I don’t like jokes about them. Nothing funny about farts and piss and turds.

At this point, I’m ok with him choosing either one.

Come hell or high water? Not even a question. I’d rather drown than go to come hell. Gross.

People say it’s doesn’t cost anything to be nice, but it’s also free to be a huge asshole.

Calling out all wasps.

Last night customer at the bar was chatting with me about wrestling and said “Member that one guy Randy Man Nacho Savage” and I almost immediately shed my human shell and ascended from this mortal coil.

I engage each activity in my life with maximum chalance.

Saw an article about new genetically designed pets. We don’t need no new kinds of pets, we have dogs. And for people that don’t like pets we got cats. Done. Finished. Move on.

Awfully smug for someone who didn’t throw in a single baht for this rice cooker.

After hundreds of years with “poop” and “pee” it’s high time we came up with some new stuff for penises to be used for.

Sorry but it’s pronounced GIF.

I think one of the biggest misconceptions about Hell is that the Devil will torture and rape you for all eternity but odds are he’s not gonna have time for you at all. He’s gonna be super busy, and you will (fingers crossed) get alone time with him 1-2 times a millennia. At best.

A friends aunt spent the last month of her life planning every detail of her funeral and wake, which is lively, but for me I will use the last few weeks to find the cure for the disease that I’m dying of.

Imagine putting clothes on your infant boy? How emasculating.

This guy always tries to start up some bullshit conversation at the bar.

Suffering from true, unmitigated love is blunt-force trauma. A concussion of the heart, rarely subtle. I have bent my head to the cudgel only twice and never as deeply and as happily as I have with Atsuko.

I’m sorry to tell you this but ACAB does, in fact, include The Ghostbusters.

Only *actual* rich people know that the onion ring anus is a true delicacy.

None of me or my brothers believed in the tooth fairy, because we lived near an old ass decrepit cemetery and we each tried to put human teeth under our pillow and didn’t get shit, except all these trauma scars from seeing all them human teeth.

Did you know you can close the doors on the wardrobe after putting in or taking out items? At least one person reading this doesn’t know this fact despite an almost daily reminder.

Name one baby. You can’t even name a single baby. They are irrelevant.

A scary movie scene would be a door that is swinging open and closed & there’s nothing there and the guy is walking toward it and can’t see anyone inside and then one time it swings back & there’s a person with a terrible grin and then it swings again & they are closer, boy that would scare me!!!!!

What????

It was when I did not pity the fool, that I realized I was the fool all along.

When my dad died this year, without question, the worst moment of all of it was when my mom texted me she was taking him to the Cream Atorium”

Saw this T-shirt on a baby talking about “if Mom says no, ask Grandma!” . Was so close to telling the baby, “Or you could ask Science.” but they walked off too fast and the moment was lost.

Customer left the bar last night and immediately proceeded to throw up on the street. Didn’t even bend at the waist or make a single sound. Just standing straight at attention with his hands at his side throwing up just a beautiful perfect cylinder of puke. Was mesmerizing.

If was a zombie I wouldn’t eat your brains, I’d only eat the ugly thoughts That make you sad or fearful I’d take away bad memories And things that made you cry, If I was a zombie I wouldn’t eat your brains I’d try to leave you whole.

Growing up dirt poor hearing people call it the “Hershey’s Squirts”. Brand name diarrhea? An unfathomable luxury for me as a child.

Let’s talk about Mrs Bojangles.

As anyone in publishing will tell you, women do not resist reading books by men, but men will often dismiss books by women. This is not a publishing problem or a failure to target men. It's a misogyny problem.

Jacking off in the shower? In this economy?

I have never and will never eat a banana split. If you try to reply with banana split propaganda I will take out a restraining order upon you.

They turned their faces away from the howls and gnashing of teeth that would have forced them to face the reality of his fall. Honesty forces accountability, so they created their own truths. They refused to see the blood and hair on the floor of the madhouse.

Buzz Aldrin pissed on the Moon. You got your hair combed back and your Sunglasses on baby I can tell you my love for you will still be strong After the boys of summer, have gone

I wish I believed in a god that answered prayers because with the amount of people asking for the same thing to happen as soon as possible, it couldn’t be ignored, and we’d all be free of that dipshit right now.

It must be so unbelievably exhilarating if you are Jason Vorhees and you’re just waiting patiently for a teenage camper to turn around and realize you were standing behind them the whole time!!!

I can tell when she’s fired up at me when I ask her if she’s had a good weekend and she replies, “So what if I did?”

My Lilliputian wife exasperated: For the 20th time —quit talking about how huge his turds must be!!!!!