John P. Glynn

I feel like media are ignoring the important news angle that the ballroom really would fit up in there.

The White House Press Office's loss is OnlyFans' gain.

Today is the 2,418th day of March, 2020.

A weak Sopranos episode from 2002 is national policy now. Cool cool.

HOT TAKE: *maaaaaybe* 9-year-olds don't need to be going anywhere at 45 mph?

White Sox fans rn

I feel like there isn't enough jubilence that Dennis Hastert and Jim Bakker are dead. Guys we can't properly celebrate #TheDayItHappens with no rehearsal. We need a dry run. We need practice.

I hope disgraceful octogenarian Republican pedophile deaths come in threes (or at least twos).

Speaker of the Hearse

If you wanted to watch every NFL game this season here are all the streaming services you'd need: ESPN Disney+ Netflix HBO Go/Max/HBO NOW Hallmark+ CBS Sportsballs Plus CSPAN X PornHub NP ClaudeGPT TheBurntPeanut Tivo Classic MLBtv Extra Innings Svengoolie NP JustinTV WikiHowdyDoody

Here's a free rebranding idea for @cbsnews.com to reflect the @60minutes.bsky.social softball approach to Hegseth and other Gruppenführers ...

#NeverForget the day a few dozen men tried to compromise American sovereignty, abolish democracy and limit Constitutional freedoms by imposing a twisted religious cult on hundreds of millions of unwilling American citizens. (I'm talking about last night in Dallas btw.)

"Trump Cites Imaginary Tale of Being Rescued on 9/11. Could Joe Biden's Dementia Be To Blame?" - @nytpitchbot.bsky.social

These things come in threes and third time's the charm. These things come in threes and third time's the charm. These things come in threes and third time's the charm.

FUCKING HELL, *HOW* HARD IS IT TO EXPIRE THE CORRECT 80-YEAR-OLD, "ALL MERCIFUL" GOD?!

Renaming Lake Ontario to Lake America would change the mnemonic from "HOMES" to "SHAME" which ... ok, that tracks.

Could I speak to Arc of the Moral Universe's manager please?

Quick reminder that Mitch McConnell croaked like two months ago.

ONCE IN A WHILE ... even the billionaire nepo baby owner of a prominent NFL team has to pay for it at the Wheat Hill Mobile Home Community in East Palestine, Ohio.

Half-convinced I spotted Pablo Schreiber in Boston last week, I was inspired to rewatch The Wire S2 and confirmed: still a masterpiece. One-score-and-three years later ... props and thanks to @audacityofdespair.bsky.social!

Monicava Brauninsky over here.

[Russian honeypot agent embeds in White House, compromising America's national sovereignty] Legacy Media: "Oooh WILL they or WON'T they?!" 😍🥰😘

Imagine being the White House staffer charged with coming up with the cover story after Trump went missing for an hour and they found him in a catering cart.

This is guaranteed to be a delightful counterbalance to the [gestures wildly in every direction].

Oh yeah right, like I'm so sure THAT'S why he was hiding in a catering vehicle.

Wouldn't it be hilarious if we left the fate of America up to the selfish whims of a few assholes over 75? Like ... as a joke?

Blaming Dr. Fauci for the shitty jobs numbers in 3 ... 2 ...

Reminder, fellas: just a dainty molecule of cologne is too much cologne.

The employees at my grocery store deli could teach a masterclass in avoiding eye contact.

Those five words every fella wants to hear.

SUUUUUUUPER comforted by James Carville's prediction that Trump will leave office before next April 15.

Did WWII start this fucking stupidly or

YOU DOWN WIT' O.T.G.? (Yeah, you know me!)

"Tell Mitch I said hello."

When I meet co-workers who were born after I graduated college.

"GENERALISSIMO MITCH McCONNELL IS STILL DEAD!"

My superpower is launching a customer service chat thread then clicking on another tab and completely forgetting about it. My other superpower is antiquated joke structures.

Boomers DO NOT GIVE A FUCK about a loud ringing cell phone.

Senator McConnell is FINE. He's doing fine.

🎶 If you like Piña Coladas ... 🎶

"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take" - Wayne Gretzky "OK so turns out that's definitely true." - Argentina

Happy for this guy.

For a minute, I was afraid my YouTubeTV free trial would end before this game does.

Thank goodness Mitch McConnell is not alive to see this World Cup final.

Anxious World Awaits Point

Me watching whoever sang that FIFA song.