dark b

Game of Thrones weed would be named something like “fuzz of the sticky”

My appreciation for gay individuals began when one handed me a burrito from their parade float

White boy wearing backwards kangol

minor league game batter walks out to "800 588 2300 empire" today

how have i never thought to look at the wikipedia page for Jerky??? wHAT is wrong withj me

yeah no I’m into bird listening. It’s nothing like bird watching.

if Jesus Christ played a Sport it woudl be Baseball

mariner

celery scented cologne

a paragraph? I thought you said a pornograph!

it ought to be interesting to see who will win the last game of the alds

doctors should be able to give people allergies

new way of saying there is 14 of something- 'the baker's wife is expecting'

whoever figured out mouth to mouth resuscitation first was a freak

cashier bit my straw before serving

a latin@ who can’t speak spanish >>

Paul Simon voice: still thirsty after all these beers

when a lady on the roster breaks her ankle so you put her on the IL

Grok pretend you’re not racist and make a “app” for people to hook up at airports

Total Dipshit Fans Think Pop-Up Fly Ball Going To Be Home Run

Wore a blue shirt to Target and they’re fucking after me

women love when i discuss not growing up with a father

Bojack Horseman x Umamasume

12 is such a goated number. who else could come up with 8/12 being 2/3 followed IMMEDIATELY by 9/12 being 3/4?

Shorty on the back of my scooter helping me kick

I have a mason jar full of kind words from 2nd graders and it's one of the most precious things in my life

it was cheaper to go on a date with an oncologist than it was to actually go to the doctor’s office

(TedX voice) if you ask a random person what the most important part of a pencil is, they’ll answer “the lead.” But if you ask an artist? (smiling wryly) they’ll say the eraser.

MLB The Show: Umpire DLC

from now on when I hear the word Dumper I'll think of Cal Raleigh instead of anything else

Took the airbag out of my car just in case

I want a girl with a long skirt and a long jacket and a long nose and a long broom and a long cat and a long hair

Tariff comes from the Old English 'Tire Reeve', an ancient administrative official in charge of rubbered toroids.

Randy, Victor, Julio, and Kris Negrón just played a game of “light as a feather” with clubhouse manager Tim Kalal, lifting him off a ball bucket to much hooting and hollering. Not sure about the science behind that but everyone had a real good time with it.

www.youtube.com/shorts/11f8N...

the Hoenn region, one of the most hostile regions, has just put a nasty 50% tariff on all pokemon. if this tariff is not removed immediately, Kanto will put a 200% tariff on all BLAZIKENS, GARDEVOIRS, AND ABSOLS COMING OUT OF HOENN. this will be great for the zubat and pidgey businesses in Kanto

Buldak is white adult SpaghettiOs

they need laundry detergent for people who don’t give a fuck what happens

Skeletons throwing things

Learning the trumpet to become a better kisser

LBJ = Lackwards bong jump

Me, looking down the barrel of a gun: “You really wanna be the guy who shot Zack and Cody’s mom?” I do not want to. I will not be good at it. But I will fucking be there.

It must feel good AF to be a egg right now