Liquid Jade

Vengeance is mine! But first snacks! www.etsy.com/listing/4324...

Democrats can do two things if they fucking try.

Trump to rename the “Specific” Ocean next.

The iPhone Duo has iFolded

WIFE: Pancake Sundays sound good. ME: Like pancakes à la mode? WIFE: What? ME: Pancake sundaes. WIFE: Did you hear what I said? ME: You don’t want a pancake sundae? WIFE: Fine. Make me one on Sunday.

400 out of ≈5,500,000 registered voters

They literally invented numbers.

[I sit down with my dinner and the cat immediately jumps on my lap] ME: What is it, Mister? WIFE: He’s angry I don’t have salmon. ME: I’m sorry Mr. Obligate Carnivore, we are having vegetables tonight. There are no kitty options. WIFE:

Want to kill data centers, make them do NEPA and an EIS.

The VP pulling a smaller audience than a traveling sideshow.

Isn’t there a song called “My Sharia”?

What could go wrong?

I’m reminded of how much people hated spending time with their children during COVID lockdowns.

4.6 mile downhill run today. That’s the longest run I’ve done since my heart surgery. Still working up to a 10k if my arthritis cooperates.

Remember when Trump denied he said, “shit house countries”?

I washed and dried the Vibrims I’ve been wearing for the last 4 years and they look like I just stole them from the Wicked Witch of the East.

Perhaps a controversial opinion but the Devil's fiddle solo in "Devil Went Down to Georgia" actually goes unreasonably hard.

And that, hopefully, is my last lawn mowing until February or March.

I got a pumpkin spice beer & some nachos during the break. #thelastdrivein

#Hair is basically what happened to me in middle age except for the going bald part. I got more & more hair in weirder places. My wife shaves my forehead when she cuts my hair. #thelastdrivein #bodybags

ME: The nurse is Debbie Harry. WIFE: What is it with you & Debbie Harry. ME: What do you mean ‘what is it with me and Debbie Harry’ besides its Debbie Harry. WIFE: I don’t know what that means. #TheLastDriveIn #BodyBags

I shouldn’t complain about a car battery dying after 11 years of service, but I am.

Democrats are going to repeal the social security tax cap about the same time I hit it.

That would be an ecumenical matter — #FatherTed

Putin is such a humanitarian he opens windows for people before pushing them out.

We don’t cook meat very often, maybe every 4 - 6 months. Right now the kitten are in heaven with the smell of bratwurst & salmon.

TRUMP: We gave nothing in exchange for Stephen. We never give anything in exchange for hostages. TRUMP LITERALLY MOMENTS LATER: If I implemented sanctions on Russia, Steven wouldn't be coming out right now.

I know this sounds weird but alpha bro culture is men performing masculinity for the pleasure of other men. Trump thinks this makes him and his alpha bro sound more manly.

Hey, the US is finally leading in something!

$10 bucks says Trump breaks out with the “Pez Dispenser” joke next.

It’s unsurprising as the lack of empathy exhibited by white evangelical Protestants is a causal factor in the ≈6% decline in their percentage of the US population over the last 20 years.

How can I go to work on time when I have this cuteness going on?

“Nones” being the most empathetic portion of the population tells you all you need to know about modern Christianity in America.

Marx criticized people who compared women to resources.

This is 100% “a period in time in Christianity.” That doesn’t mean it’s a good one.

Watching #HighValueTarget with my wife and all these clips of Rumsfeld, Cheney, & Bush43 are extremely triggering. My wife is calling me “Statler and Waldorf” because of my heckling.

Two weeks until Election Day. Figures.

#MedicareForAll?

Show me something people will say is ironic but is actually the opposite of irony.

A “New America” presupposes there is an “Old America.” In related news, the US started a war with Mexico and bought (stole) half of their country at the end of it. The least we can do is let them retain the name. Personally, if we are renaming New Mexico, can we try out “Mexistan” or “Mexiland”?

Save me from neocons, democrats who think it’s still 1990, and news organizations who think Carville is still relevant.

Summary of growing up #GenX.

Trump is an ally of Putin but is Putin an ally of Trump?

Vance is unironically doing the hotdog guy meme and Republicans are taking it seriously.