Not JimboSlice 🍋#️⃣🍰

Luke, Han, and Leia The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe Men, Elves, and Dwarves Snap, Crackle, Pop Harry, Ron, and Hermione The Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit Lindsey Graham (✅), Mitch McConnell (❓), and Donald Trump (❌) All good things come in 3's

I've been doing my best to get sued by Trump by posting on all the big accounts on Xitter that he's a fucking pedophile, but I've yet to receive a summons. I'll keep doing my best!

Schmitt: Is it your testimony today, that you orchestrated the total destruction of Lord Cutler Beckett's armada? Smith: I believe that was Jack Sparrow.

I'm honestly stunned lol mydialect.us/quiz-standar...

Gays are so nice!

Wordle cannot be serious.

I don't write the rules.

The FIFA World Peace Prize ain't paying off

I'd like to see him fucking jog

Regarding Mel Brooks: Blazing Saddles is my favorite movie. I wrote a business college essay on it and got 195/195 points. I even dropped a censored hard "R" in it and my black professor still gave me that perfect score.

If it takes another 13 years to get GTA 7, the ultimate edition for GTA 6 would cost $7.69/year, or just 64¢/month to play it. And you get god-tier content for the entire lifespan. Just sayin 🤷🏼

Knicks!! East Coast!!

I can't believe it took me so many years to find out you can personalize the ads you see on YouTube. IMMEDIATELY turned off ads for gambling. Gtfoh Draft Kings.

Up-and-comer Marty McFly has backed out of Freedom 250

I spoke Mandarin to my waiter for the first time tonight and he did a double-take 😭 I is culture 谢谢你，帅哥

Hey @timheidecker.bsky.social why won't you talk to me bro? I'm a better comedy writer than anyone you got on staff right now. That's true as fuck

DYK You can get Afroman's sunglasses at Walmart? www.walmart.com/ip/OWL-Aviat...

Those Trump-Epstein Files have got to be insane

If your kid ever wants to do something really fancy for dinner, just say "The PacoJet is the appliance you need." Then watch them work their ass off for 6 years to make $8k. Store it in your house for safe keeping. Use for training purposes.

Whenever I say "GOP", I make it sound like I'm gagging and retching. "GAWWHHPPP" 🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮🤮

I know schadenfreude is a word, but we need a new word for enjoying seeing Republicans eat each other alive

Why did Pusha-T perform at the Grammys if he's in the Epstein Files?

50 cent has gotta be the biggest hater out there, and I'm all here for it 🤣

No joke, I thought Vince McMahon was gonna appear in the Epstein Files like

IMDB says that Melania is as INSANE as The Terrifier 🤣 Bro ☠️

Okay Google, Is it legal to: Stomp Piss Shit Vomit on to another person's grave?

Andor seems like a really fitting show to watch tonight. Might learn some stuff

"I would've nominated Sinners for a 17th time"

I'm so happy for my KDH ❤️

I don't understand why rich folk don't just fly to parts of NV, THE hotel in Germany, Amsterdam, Mexico, parts of S. Korea or Japan, where prostitution is legal. There are plenty of legal ways to get your freak on, and you choose the lowest hanging fruit. Idiots thenationaldesk.com/news/enterta...

Please be 69 🥺

BREAKING NEWS: Local pedophile attempts kidnapping a child, only to end up with grown-ass 63 y.o., instead.

If we're bombing Venezuela, the Epstein Files must be pretty bad

I watched Kpop Demon Hunters 2 days ago for the first time, and have been playing the soundtrack on damn-near repeat. Get those Gammy's and Academy Awards!! Holy smokes!!

If you ever see people saying, "I don't want spoilers for Nolan's The Odyssey!", just let them know that the poem was written 2.8 millennia ago.

Tomorrow is gonna be so lit 😱

Timeline Of Katy Perry And Justin Trudeau’s Relationship https://theonion.com/timeline-of-katy-perry-and-justin-trudeaus-relationship/

Dinner was fast and great. 12 ravioli (goat cheese and spinach-filled), pork loin and bacon, tossed in a brown butter sauce with garlic salt. Cooking at home isn't hard.

I really like Pokémon ❤️

Why has YouTube turned into Ad-simulator 2025?

Imagine defending a bully, just because they share the same kink as you.

Ryan Day is the new Woody?!