Lunchmonkey

If those old Redbox machines hadn't disappeared so fast, they would've made great Spirit Halloweens

I have just learned that Inspector Gadget's real name is "Augustin Tamare" I have no idea how to process this information, so I'm giving it to you guys

I always suspected "deep six" was intended to be sexual slang term, but a time traveler stepped on a butterfly or something and ruined it

No offense to the performers, and it might just be weird lighting or AI, but all of those faces are the creepiest fucking things I've ever witnessed

The rights to this character must be free by now Let's make a horror movie franchise Maybe he shoots acid out of that snout or something

no....no!!!!!

Today's Falutin' Level: MODERATE

I'm going to start the rumor that autism is communicable and highly contagious but there's a vaccine for it And see what happens

risk it for the biscuit Take a Chance for the Pants GAMBLE FOR THE CAMPBELL'S

Polly didn't want me to leave

24 hours from now, you'll have read this post yesterday so now you know what to expect

I have to keep shaking my water bottle because it keeps separating into oxygen and hydrogen Yeah I bought the cheap stuff again

If Abraham Lincoln was alive today, he'd be dead from extreme old age

Another apocalyptic West Coast sunset 👍

Me, when I wake up hungover earl-eye in the mornin': hey why is my belly bleeding

Sure the Flock cameras are kind of invasive, but the good news is no criminal will ever escape justice ever again!👍 unless they're above a certain income bracket. and white.

I have no idea why "A Man and Contaminated Clothing are Soon Parted" isn't already a common aphorism I think back to all the occasions that it would've fit perfectly, and kick myself

"YOU WILL ENJOY THIS STRANGE BOOK BECAUSE IT IS VERY FIRMLY ABOUT SEX" See, that's it. That's all ya gotta say. Simple as.

God bless middle-aged local business owners who think they're charming and charismatic enough to appear in their own tv commercials

It sure does

Fun Fact: if your haiku accidentally rhymes, it no longer qualifies, and must legally be considered a limerick

Arguably not the best way to sell the concept

Lotsa uses for this one Keep it handy

Alphabet Soup on other planets:

The Wonderful Wizard of Oz (1900) Children of Oz (1902) God Emperor of Oz (1905) Oz: Messiah (1910) Heretics of Oz (1914) Muad'dib of Oz (1928) Chapterhouse: Oz (1929)

I was about to make fun, like "Wow, past Us was SO stupid," but then I noticed this is basically the same interface technology we're using now. Stupid accurate prognosticators. BUT: "reduces human error to an improbability"? haha, wrong-o

Do crunchberries count as fresh produce? Asking because of parasite concerns

You ever think that maybe the Michelin Man (Bibendum) is actually just the larval stage of a blood-drinking insect so huge and terrifying as to stagger the imagination? Me too

You never get a 2nd chance to second-guess yourself

It's easy to laugh at yourself, but it's more important to laugh at others

These are all drinking holidays, btw

Fresh produce is so expensive, I'm just gonna build my OWN crunchberry bog

My heels are my Achilles Kryptonite, so to speak

Music historians agree, this man's version of "Froggy Went a-Courtin" is FAR superior to Kanye's

Sure I'm shallow but deep down we're ALL shallow

"What is the meaning of this" is actually a very good question, tbh

The flagpole at work was at half-mast and I got SO excited, but turns out it was just some guy in HR 🙄

One of my main career goals is to be able to say "Guards! Seize them!" and, inevitably, "You bungling fools! THEY'RE GETTING AWAY" I prolly need to beef up my resume though

Only God can judge me and I'm an atheist so who does that leave? Nobody, that's who

If you don't practice how will you get good at it

The AMC Pacer, in post-coital refractory period (left) and aroused, fully engorged (right)

I'm getting tired of the inexorable march of time It's starting to get old