Mark Agee

I feel like a lot of people are going to see 'You Can See Everything' thinking Elizabeth Holmes is just some lady. 'Zone of Interest' probably looks very different if you have no idea what the characters do for work

My wife wrote a Christmas movie. (She's not on the internet, but she exists, trust me.) Comes out 11/5, feel free to sleep in line in front of your Roku

NYPD hate when anyone stops them from shooting.

Quick question: What important police operations were scrambled by the mayor using the basketball court

I feel like Cheesecake Factory servers are about to see a huge uptick of 8% tips

If you need some good mood music, the new Anderson Paak and Cordae album is 👍👏❤️👑

BREAKING: Very long sentence launders obvious lie by following outdated sourcing conventions created for an era when people had a modicum of media literacy, people not born yesterday notice

The Cowboys play football like they’re working at an office at 3pm the day before Thanksgiving

There's a very simple solution to ""The Cousin Problem"" already arrived at by both hillbillies and the Roosevelts,,, if you'll join me for the world's least well-attended TED Talk

"We could call it... 'Golden Girls.'" NARRATOR: Lena Dunham is in fact only eight years younger than Rue McClanahan was when The Golden Girls premiered

I don't think about Hitler very much at all. But this thing where a bunch of guys with toothbrush mustaches quote Carl Shmitt and say stuff like "I dunno, six million??" and "He was right about remigration" and we all have to be like "Let's get back to carried interest" is a bit weird

If the Roko's Basilisk fake god is benevolent the first person it frames for a crime will be Sam Altman

How does he look worse than all of his boyfriends who died in mysterious accidents

I wonder if JD Vance is still an acolyte of The Vampire Oprah of Silicon Valley MAGA

Arike Ogunbawale playoff hoops

I feel like people would trust A.I. more if tech could invent a vegan cheese that didn’t taste like ‘chewy wet’

"NPR sat down with this solar calculator and asked it to explain this poem about God"

FBI Applicant Polygraph Administrator: "This is very important. Who came first, you or the emu?

The Rams sleep science jet lag plan was so funny. The sample size was negative-one so it was never gonna prove anything except that Californians obey wearable electronics

Does anyone know the mechanism by which AI is supposed to kill us all? Launching the nukes? Designing a disease? An agent mass emails our nudes until we kill ourselves?

Wait one of the cut-out companies paying Kawhi for fake endorsements was Boingo?!! The wifi provider that charges $14 a minute when you’re trapped in a cave? “Hi I’m Kawhi Leonard and when I fall down I mineshaft I use Boingo to check my Microsoft Outlook”

“Furious” is one of the best shows I’ve seen in a while. Thriller, funny, heartbreaking. 100/10

🎵It’s getting hot in caarrr, So leave your dog in theerrre🎵

I love the pro-AI civilians kicking around ideas to make the public more pro-data centers. My passion in life is also rooting for sociopathic strangers' investments to pay off. Next let's do my second cousin's garage full of Herbalife

How dare you impugn the honor of the lady who changes the president's diaper by insinuating that she would do something gross like have sex with him, when she is but an innocent young girl of only nearly 40

Silicon Valley keeps turning out products whose non-sociopathic use cases are like 20th on the list of possibilities. "We've launched a child-sized combo flame thrower and dildo gun. It's for reading"

Jon Ossoff casually mentions Natalie Harp's first name in a throwaway line, and a thousand purported defenders screech "HOW DARE YOU CALL THIS INNOCENT YOUNG TEEN A WHORE" and she's 35? With friends like these who needs internet bullies

I know the "Jefferson Davis wore his wife's dress to try to escape" thing is fake, but it's still far more dignified than "the president hid under frozen lasagnas to use his own employees as unwitting human shields"

I look forward to the rash of federal agents on disability for a mysterious new condition known as 'Toaster Dick' It's Havana Syndrome for guys who leave their gloves on when they piss because they don't wash your hands

The backlash to the data center backlash is pretty funny. Oh is it somewhat based on misinformation? How is that misinformation being spread? It's being boosted by an rage-bait algorithm built to amplify misery you say? I wonder if it's operated out of some sort of facility we could shut down

I’m not surprised at all. How stupid do you think I am

Mitch McConnell just sucked my dick. I sure hope he was alive

Maybe it’s just Seattle

If I was in the CIA I’d pitch an Iran false flag just to blow this up

Whoever stops me from unloading this garage full of Herbalife bullshit is a Chinese Communist

Surely someone in charge realizes this is to some degree a branding thing. Saying you're DSA is a way to say "I'm not a mainline Democrat, who everyone hates, I'm a cool Democrat." Centrists run against the party too, usually by shooting a climate bill with an assault rifle. Just pretend it's that

Happy Fathers Day to everyone who decided to surprise dad with an early breakfast in bed, and consequently discovered that mom likes a little pre-church reverse cowgirl

You try to remember that a lot of people who go to work for the CIA just have a facility with languages and want to spend a few years overseas. Then there are the Elissa Slotkin types who would gladly self-MK Ultra for the chance to kill Castro with a zipgun disguised as a pool noodle

I never thought I'd die fighting alongside a guy who thinks 5G is a Chinese plot to weaken his jizz

When he was younger and hornier (and before the zeitgeist changed), Simmons would analogize athletes to famous babes, which was dumb but at least legible. Now it's like "Josh Giddey, House, is he in the Stanley Tucci Zone?" and you have to piece the meaning together like it's an ancient scroll

About once every 20 years, everyone who works in investing sorts out their prisoner's dilemma and realizes if they work together they can wish the line up. Then they get bailed out and we all get barrels for pants. No way to solve this

Feels like Jared Leto does this three times a year. To make this list his next movie will need to make -$6 dollars