Matt (Taylor’s Version)

Sort of annoying the way zoos call it “enrichment” for their animals. Stop lying! You gave a polar bear a hula hoop because you thought it would be funny, and you were right! Own it!

Did you guys know it’s called the endzone because it’s where the zone… of the football field… ends…

I don’t think Dan Orlovsky is a real person I think he only exists as a test of Mina Kimes’s patience

When everyone in the country gets to see your shitty team on Monday Night Football

“scrambling some operations at the facility” is a phrase that was obviously written by a cop. If you’re going to be their publicist you should at least improve their wording, not just copy/paste from their report

Lot of responses about how great Arabs are, but that’s just playing into Republicans hands. You’ve got to get out ahead of them, show voters you care, start saying things like this about other cultures. You gotta be denigrating Indians, Czechs, Peru, Bhutanese while they’re still whining about Arabs

Me when the Eagles score two touchdowns: hmm maybe the Eagles are not terrible Me when Hollywood Brown has three catches: ohhhhhhhh the Cowboys are just that bad

ESPN’s rules analyst just said the league doesn’t usually want refs to throw the flag on plays like this as they roll video of the defender hooking the QB’s facemask

I think DeJean should just bulk up another 20 pounds and be a LB

Aikman and Buck seem aghast but you already made the FG, you obviously decline the penalty and take the points?

Eagles in primetime is always fun, there’s box-score-watchers who spend weeks at a time like “Philly fans are always so dramatic, they act like the world’s on fire, their team isn’t even bad” then we get on national tv and everyone gasps “wow this team is dogshit”

When everyone in the country gets to see your shitty team on Monday Night Football

We already got antibiotics, probiotics, and prebiotics. I bet you could save the microplastics industry if you got them to rebrand as postbiotics

I turned on the game just as Collinsworth and Tirico were talking about how great he is, the new dimension he’s brought to the Chiefs offense, how much “Patrick” loves him. Then they flashed his stats and he’s averaging 3.0 ypc

I… I assumed this was hyperbole

Bo “Moses” Nix

I didn’t realize two defenders broke through at the same time, I thought one guy hit the QB so hard he split into two people

RODGERS: Let’s all dress really “old school” lol ALLAR: [whispering] so, like, from- RUDOLPH: [elbowing him in the gut] for god’s sake if he hears you finish that sentence he’ll make us all watch that podcast again

Republican ad: this DEMOCRAT wants your TAX DOLLARS to turn CHILDREN into TRANS Democrat ad: My extremist opponent says a lot of crazy things about me. Here’s the truth: I don’t want to turn your children trans. I just think all existing trans people should be killed off. Enough with the extremism

what does it say about the national party that there are candidates running on the dem ticket buying ads saying that some people are technically subhuman without reprimand or even comment. would you abide that for any other group or is this one special

Saw five minutes of Love is Blind and heard some girl say “I left the bathroom light on all day to see if you’d notice it” and her boy mumble back “yeah that was…kinda uncomfortable to be like…tested” and she flipped out. “Okay but I never did that. That’s giving ‘childish’ and I wouldn’t do that”

All surgeons have an inherent amount of sadism but to be an eye surgeon requires a whole other level of malevolence. To gaze into the eye, the window to your patient’s soul, still wriggling and conscious with no anesthetic, and you jab a pick into it? Slice it open? Possibly actually evil

We interrupt this libposting to tell you that Trump isn’t getting gayer, he’s just doing the thing where something he gurgles out gets a big reaction so he says it 84 more times and it gets more exaggerated with each telling. By next week he’ll have made out with Jon Husted

The first time we saw this my dad and brother and I all laughed until we cried

MAXEY

It is kinda funny that blood thinners are a real, actual medical treatment. Your doctor says “yeah your blood’s too thick” and a medieval physician/alchemist bursts into the room like “well well well, if it isn’t Dr Oh I’m Too Modern To Believe In Humours… are his lungs melancholic too, my bitch?”

The other members of K-pop girl group BLACKPINK say I can’t be in the band anymore just because I can’t sing, or dance, or speak Korean, and I’m not a girl 😔. I say, keep talking, ladies, my lawyer wants a new car 😈

Timmy and Tommy are up to no good

One of my favorite things to drink is beverage’s

Seen a lot of different versions of this in my life and I think there’s some nuance to be found, but the thing I am 100% sure of is: the people asking their elected officials to force their children to speak to them are completely in the wrong and deserve whatever shabby treatment they’ve received

I had no idea this is what Big Dom looks like without the hat

Eagles News: Nick Sirianni using AI to help prepare for the 2026 season www.bleedinggreennation.com/news/177742/...

Fire Sirianni Eagles fans vindicated

I’m half-reading this while at work but unless I’m massively misunderstanding this Hurts story is the single gravest injury scandal I’ve heard????

Ayo what the fuck

DOCTOR: Mr. and Mrs. Aliveson, oh god I just realized how ironic this is going to sound,

Dak knows that was a BS call and he’s desperately trying to throw another INT just to be fair

If Hurts tried a hurry-up play like that he’d end up with a delay of game penalty

It’s Time To Forgive Tommy Troll

The President’s TruthSocial posts paint a picture of a pugilistic chief executive hoping for a knockout blow in the midterms. But critics say Mr. Trump, whose funeral was held yesterday, has been dead for several days

That’s the same face my cat makes when she interacts with something she doesn’t understand

How much of the questions and mystery that makes it look like the Eagles didn’t take it seriously or unsafely forced a player onto the field is due to Hurts’s reticence? Imagine trying to get any answers out of that guy

Bluesky