Midtown_Doom_Loop

After the revolution: “Me? No, I was never an Amazon Prime member.” My eye twitches involuntarily as I see a delivery truck turn the corner.

Warning sticker on my laptop says it’s an ingestion hazard. Don’t eat your computer people.

Win 6 tickets to Monster Jam? Seems like an odd prize for the Scholastic Book Fair.

Testing

shoot for the moon bc even if you miss you might clip some SpaceX satellites

Imagine 56 people trying to sign the Declaration of Independence today with Adobe total nightmare

In a highly unusual move, the Trump administration asked a federal court on Friday to block certification of the Senate election in Alaska if the Republican incumbent loses.

“Well kids,” I say, eyeing the devastation beyond our tent in the refugee camp. “It all started with a large boulder the size of a small boulder.”

I forgot frigging Big 10 hockey plays Thursday nights for some unknown reason. So now I’m paying event parking prices so my kid can go to her swim class.

Today In 2000: Roger Clemens throws Mike Piazza's broken bat barrel at him as he runs to first base during World Series Game 2 at Yankee Stadium! #MLB #Baseball #Mets #Yankees #Postseason #WorldSeries

“I’d gouge out my own eyeballs and commit ritual suicide before I voted for a republican.” Pollster: “I’ll put you down as leans democrat.”

Today In 1975: Boston #RedSox pinch-hitter Bernie Carbo belts a three-run HR in the 8th inning vs. Cincinnati #Reds pitcher Rawly Eastwick to tie #WorldSeries Game 6 at Fenway Park! #MLB #Postseason

apnews.com/article/trum...

Dracula Has Risen from the Grave (1968)

Do they even make Mexican Diet Coke?

Guards.

BREAKING: President Trump has repeatedly claimed that Democrats are cheating by allowing noncitizens to vote. But the poster child of Monday’s voter fraud sweep — who the DOJ alleges was illegally registered to vote in L.A. — is a registered Republican lamaterial.com/p/voter-frau...

The memory is real but you are missing

Today In 1950: Baseball legend Connie Mack finally retires as manager of the Philadelphia A's at the age of 87! #MLB #History #Athletics

1955 Topps #28 Ernie Banks Chicago Cubs card 3823/48367

Today In 1977: Reggie Jackson plows through fans who are storming the field of Yankee Stadium after the New York #Yankees won the World Series! #MLB #Baseball #History #MrOctober #RepBX #Postseason

Here’s why Trump ordered Zuckerberg to shut down Instagram’s #NoKings page today.

Ah-potah-potay with sour cream please

White Sox lose and the Pope gets cancer. Nice going Sox.

US President Donald Trump has waived a further slate of sanctions related to Russian fossil fuel sales, days before they were to take effect under a bill he signed into law last month. This is truly disturbing.

*deep announcer voice* from the makers of exploding cars, we bring you…exploding flying cars

Back when Wikipedia first showed up you could get away with anything. I once wrote that we traded Wyoming to the Russians for Hawaii and six cases of vodka and that’s how the Cold War started. It was there for three weeks

I got the job!

The last time the Milwaukee Brewers were in the World Series you could get 12 8-track tapes for only a dollar through The Gorman Thomas Tape Club®.

If there were any justice left in this universe I would be spending my Saturday morning watching cartoons on tv

I predict that I will become sentient in the upcoming months

Minnesota man dies after routine dental cleaning in Hopkins, police investigating

It's pretty crazy that I'm the new White House Press Secretary, but I guess everyone gets a turn.

President Trump’s new press secretary, Katie Zacharia, was fired Friday, after less than a week on the job, according to three people familiar with the matter. That’s about .5 Scaramucci’s.

Former Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem is no longer serving as the Trump administration’s special envoy to the “Shield of the Americas” coalition, a spokesperson confirmed to NewsNation, The Hill’s broadcasting partner.