Nace GALACTIC 𓅢

There comes a time in every reactionary politician's life when he must steel himself, insert a nasogastric tube for unclear reasons, put on his bravest grimace, and give the weirdest thumbs-up anyone has ever seen.

Bad Art response to bad art

“Liberty bibberty-“ <electric noises> “-oh god oh fuck ahhh-“ <smell of scorched hair> “AIIIEIEEEEEEE-“ <dental drill whining up> “-ok, ok, look, I took the money from them, I fucking *wanted* it (spits) and I’d DO IT AGAIN-“ <chainsaw revving>

Sportscasters when they get to refer to a player as “the captain”.

If the Brewers win, the mayor of Tampa has to drink a Pabst. If the Rays win, the mayor of Milwaukee has to convert to Scientology.

https://gacha.o0o0.jp/gp/archives/43686 『ザリガニボーイズ フィギュアコレクション』12月発売予定。体は怪人だけど、ハートはザリガニ！ 日々楽しく遊んで暮らすだけ！！ The "Crayfish Boys Figure Collection" is scheduled for release in December. Their bodies may be those of monsters, but their hearts are those of crayfish! They simply enjo... #ガチャポン #gachapon

If the Brewers win, the mayor of Tampa has to drink a Pabst. If the Rays win, the mayor of Milwaukee has to convert to Scientology.

Can't wait for folks to learn the Rays have three mascots, each more confounding than the next.

I have sons so it’s hard for me to disavow any type of brotherhood.

Rays rocking unis that don’t appear to be in their official rotation. They don’t typically have a road grey variant and the old school rainbow Tampa Bay word mark is new to me. Looks great!

The Superman No Smoking Ad, but I lost the audio track and dubbed it from memory

Nothing could’ve prepared me for the ad read of the century from the Brewers radio broadcast after that Christian Yelich go-ahead single:

Rays/Brewers World Series followed by a lockout talking about how small market teams can’t compete will drive me so crazy I’m making myself crazy thinking about it now

Hey California! Be careful this election because the big money creeps are trying to trick you (again).

JFC

Go birds

Getting tense at the Game 5 Pope viewing party

do Craig Counsell next

Game 55. Brewers at Padres. That’s a wrap on 2026. See you out there at spring training!

Game 54. Brewers at Padres. NLDS game 3.

Suburban C.R.E.A.M.

Fuck baseball

Baseball is not a serious sport

The old BA/Frenchy dynamic. Love it.

*Tommy Pham gets on a plane, flies to NY, and punches the replay official*

They say no one can hear you scream in space, but they don't say anything about people cheering as you're shoved out an airlock. Orbit's demise was the loudest reaction Houston heard all series.

The Oriole Bird lost its life trying to stand in the way of one of the club's patented three-game losing streaks. Reached for comment, Mike Elias said it would be immediately replaced with a more fitting mascot: an apple-cheeked blonde man-boy.

The Pirate Parrot was identified as a form of AGI after it repeated several basic phrases back to some tech CEOs. It was first venerated as a god, then destroyed by its own believers. It's the first time in recent memory anyone believed in anything associated with the Pirates organization.

months after search crews had given up, PAWS was discovered buried beneath pre-season expectations. He will be remembered. Not fondly.

Ace earned his nickname in flight school. Like many other Blue Jays he was noisy, bold, and aggressive, in addition to being highly territorial. Used to patrolling The 6, the only territory to his name is now 6 feet under. He has been dishonorably discharged.

TC Bear did not stop forest fires. He did not stump about with a love of "hunny." He did not wear a duffel coat. He was not smarter than the average bear. The last one is the only one that matters. Goodbye.

Screech the Eagle has been tactically exterminated in what was supposed to be a dry run of the drone/sniper unit at the Triumphal Arch. We extend zero thanks for his service.

Scientific evidence suggests that fish do, in fact, feel pain. Billy the Marlin, though, felt nothing. He never saw it coming. He's now sleeping with the fishes. Euphemistically. Not like when a marlin is asleep near other fish.

The Giants have lost yet another member of their opening day roster, as Poochie has mercilessly dispatched Lou Seal for ripping off his whole deal. No jury could ever convict, Poochie is free to return to his home planet.

They came at the king and they did not miss. Sluggerrr is no morrre. The crownhead lineage has ended.

Stomper has been identified by precogs as likely to commit crimes too heinous to describe. He has been erased. You may not speak of him further.

Mr Redlegs has been compromised out of an abundance of caution after mainlining 9 straight days of manosphere related content. There are no mourners.