DanBuildsThings

I would say my homeowner vibe is “What the fuck is he up to now?!”

And after they’ve cleaned themselves up, they pop on a polo and drive their 2500HD to the office to collect your home insurance premiums.

STOP BEING SO GODDAMN UNHAPPY AND JUST BE HAPPY YOU MISERABLE FUCK worked for me for like 20 years

I am going to take Election Day off and watch the watchers.

I am already sick of hearing them say DAZN (Da Zone?! Is it 2000?) and it’s just the first regular season Pacers game.

If data centers were good, they wouldn’t have to take out ads on local radio to tell us otherwise.

Yes hello I would like to report Carmel, Indiana

New insult unlocked

Below on Netflix is possibly the worst thing I've watched in 2026 and I absolutely cannot stop watching.

Why yes that is poop on my sleeve, thank you for noticing

Private equity is snatching up all home services companies. Plumbing, hvac, electrical. Every time you hear an ad that says something like “Matthews Mechanical is now a part of HomeWhiz” that company now sucks and all their employees left.

Oh that gives the fizz

🎶Rally House Rally House Pizza Pasta Puccini’s Rally House🎶

This always should have been the end goal, an autonomous bulletproof T-top with a yoke that runs on a Star Trek warp core and has the supportive and nurturing AI brain of Mr. Feeney. Also, ejector seat.

Anyone else a fan of Incubus? Can we call them underrated? Anyway, tell me about a band you just remembered

It’s gate season yall. Let’s get out and post some sweet sweet exclusion!

This is my brain without drugs

My house is being inspected today so naturally Im trying to fix 12 years of “I’ll finish that later” in the next 40 minutes

One of the 84 roundabouts I have to tow a trailer through every day was backed up as usual and everyone was zippering in just fine and then a cybertruck wouldn’t let me in. I’ve never been so close to felonious crash out.

holy SHIT.

The person he paid for the experience should get to experience owning an NFL team for six games. Or at least get the revenue.

Well then. Got a heart monitor. Cheers to 44.

Turbo Intelligence

I’m in the ER with some weird heart thing, probably nothing. They’re checking my electrolytes and I made a Brawndo joke and nobody laughed. This place sucks.

Getting fired because you wouldn’t give Mel Gibson a gun is absolutely insane

If you think Billboard charts are still relevant, please give Nielsen a call and have them put a box on your tv. Your work is not done.

Indianapolis Motor Speedway Forced To Lower Speed Limit To 20 MPH After Elementary School Opens Next To Straightaway https://theonion.com/indianapolis-motor-speedway-forced-to-lower-speed-limit-1837999978/

It’s our anniversary and we have a sitter for the first time and I may never financially recover from this day

If you own 20+ flashlights, at a certain point you're probably running an unregistered lighthouse but we're not the lighthouse safety commission so keep up the good work.

The answer is and always has been 1998 Chevy Astro.

Central to our humanity is our capacity for hope. Do what you can even if it isn’t perfect.

Good, tie them up and take their wallets, exactly what I would do.

There is some level of racing in which I could beat this kid, and I don't think that's "I could score a point on Serena" levels of delusional either

Diesel went up 30 cents at some point today

Pete Hegseth reminds me of every single “low T” patient that ends up in my wife’s urology clinic convinced that testosterone is going to knock 20 years off when they’re just unhealthy 40+ alcoholics that don’t want to address their issues.

A friend of my dad loaned him one of these for a few days that year. I convinced him to drop me off at school in it.

Help me, the only anniversary gift idea I can come up with is matching tattoos

Big shout out to the homies driving diesel because they have to. The car companies haven’t made trucks for us for a decade at least, otherwise we would have a no frills electric heavy duty truck that can tow.

That one right there.

It’s probably nothing, but the price to take a single load to the local dump just went from $95 to $165.

I saw a graphic that Lucas Oil Stadium was one of the venues that refused to let Macklemore play, I wonder if that’s true and who made the call…

Imagine if there was a US auto manufacturer that had a good 300mi heavy duty electric pickup truck ready to go to market. Let the showboys have their diesel teenypeenymobiles. I’ve got shit to do and those beds are too tall.

The kid that won $1.2m on Pat McAfee pledged half of it to my best friend’s charity Building Tomorrow which supports education in east Africa, so sometimes good things happen.

Here’s a Dewalt 20v battery powering a 12v WLED controller with undervolt protection. Check that one off the list I guess.

I was never bothered by the fact that my wife earns (vastly) more than I do until that was the deciding factor in who sucks the boogers out of our sick son’s nose.

I’m realizing what parenthood is…planning a birthday off for yourself for two weeks, setting a list of things you want to get done, buying materials and getting the tools out, losing sleep the night before from the excitement, and the day care calls you an hour after drop off to say he has a fever.