Onion Sports

Dad Losing His Fucking Mind Over Box Seat Amenities theonion.com/dad-losing-h...

Pelicans Announce Upcoming ‘Basketball Night’ theonion.com/pelicans-ann...

Fans Worry Achilles Tear May Not Be End Of Ben Simmons’ Career

LeBron James Squeezes Eyes Shut To Avoid Catching Glimpse Of Philadelphia During Commute

Sweaty Youth Soccer Team Stinking Up Entire Red Robin theonion.com/sweaty-youth...

Marathoner Already Pissing Self Half-Mile In

NBA Reminds Rookies Not To Blow First Paycheck On Big-Ass Snake theonion.com/nba-reminds-...

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Pat McAfee Nods During Aaron Rodgers’ 2-Hour Monologue On Virtues Of Eating Tar theonion.com/pat-mcafee-n...

Baby Painted Purple For Vikings Game

NBA Players Share The One Thing They’d Change About The League If They Were Commissioner For A Day theonion.com/nba-players-...

White Sox Fans Asked To Remove Polish Sausage From Mouths During  National Anthem theonion.com/white-sox-fa...

Wired For Performance: The Cutting-Edge Tech Of NFL Uniforms theonion.com/wired-for-pe...

Shy, Bookish Umpire Actually Really Beautiful When He Takes Mask Off

Baseball Analysts Call For New Stat Called B.L.E.P.H. theonion.com/baseball-ana...

The NFL Concussion Protocol: How The League Determines If A Player Can Return To The Game theonion.com/the-nfl-conc...

Rockies Pitcher Pledges To Give Up Home Run For Sick Child theonion.com/rockies-pitc...

Player Profile: Pete Crow-Armstrong theonion.com/player-profi...