Peter Moore

Who’s your favourite James Bond? Mine is the fictional spy.

Fans of Silence of the Lambs will be delighted to learn that Buffalo Bill has moved into a house in Winchester.

Go to your camera and search ‘boat’ and post one that you like. #photography (I couldn't choose between these two)

James Acaster: "It's only a game". Ross Kemp:

Just been down to the local wetlands centre and killed all the herons. No egrets.

Alum Bay, on the Isle of Wight, is famous for its cliffs, made out of all the people who went to your university.

Dear Mr Turner, Re your otherwise excellent painting ‘The Fighting Temeraire, tugged to her last berth to be broken up’, I have one suggestion for how it could be improved:

People talk about going down a rabbit hole but when I did that I got reported to the RSPCA and put on the sex offenders register.

Sack Blabbath

Bought an original, singed copy of 'Farenheit 451'

And finally... RIP Esther Rantzen

I'm doing the Test Way Walk on Sunday - 16 miles from Wherwell to Romsey, to raise money for Solent Mind mental health charity. I've anyone would like to sponsor/donate, you can do so at: www.justgiving.com/page/peter-m...

Got freaked out by the dead crow on the radiator before realising it was a pair of gloves...

Going into work on Monday and telling my boss I didn't read any of his emails last week because I thought they were behind a paywall.

*rubs temples* why am i reading about MPs scrutinising Eurovision track record instead of them taking action against far-right and fascist groups that are harrassing the RNLI, the public, & shutting down infrastructure www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

Vaun is not only a very funny actor (he plays Tom Cruise on Vic and Bob) but a very loyal supporter of my work and I hope that the RHLSTP community of fans will help him out with this. We all need to look after each other. No one else will! www.gofundme.com/f/buy-a-mobi...

"A woman just told me it was going to be less sunny today." "Cloudier?" "I didn't ask her name."

Ruin a play by changing one letter: A Midsummer Night's Bream Abigail's Farty Ham Fever An Inspector Palls

I used to enjoy carbon dating, but I'm not allowed to do it since I got married.

At first sight I thought this said "Custard Bream". Probably wouldn't be my choice of fish sauce...

He's actually called Tom The Netherlands

The first rule of Norman Collier club is ou alk ut orm er club.

"Of course I didn't break the speed limit in my car. I wasn't even looking at the speedometer."

Marillion didn't have much success with the first draft of 'Kayleigh'

C4 news editor, on phone to Reform HQ: "Can we interview someone about this donation story?" Reform press officer: "Nadine Dorris is available, will she do?" C4 (rubs hands together with glee)

This is such fun!! #ReformUK #Nigelfarage

The first ghost chairman of the BBC was Lord Wraith.

I'm performing as Peter in this play in a few weeks

If you can't finish an Ariana Grande album, don't even bother starting an Ariana Venti.

Oxygen

Just listened to the Move episode of @andrewhickey.500songs.com's fantastic series (yes, I'm way behind) and now have a new appreciation of Roy Wood who has always been "that scary-looking guy from Xmas playlists" before now. Have added 'Boulders' and 'Mustard' to my must-listen list.

Yes, you HAVE seen this film. I watched it with you. When we were on holiday in Marrakech. You MUST remember.

Is it ironic that the person banning BBQs is called Andy Burnham?

Farage said that he didn't want to share the stage with a bunch of "nobodies" and he also said that his increased vote share "stuck up two fingers to the entire political establishment." I don't think they can be both the entire political establishment AND a bunch of nobodies.

"Classic" being used in a way that I've never heard before... #nytconnections

Ten days since the World Cup finished and I haven't taken down the wall chart yet. Am I supposed to wait for Twelfth Night?

Orchestras playing the William Tell Overture and not playing the rest of the opera. Fucking teasing us!

Have you tried asking Yo-Yo Ma?

Phlebotomist, putting tape and cotton wool ball on the puncture site: "leave that on for an hour" Me, 2.5 hours later: "Is it glued on with super glue?! It's never coming off! Help!"

Thomas Tuchel's plan to give us hope and then snatch it away at the last minute has certainly worked.

Hydration Break

The England fans should sing the Mike Flowers Pops arrangement of Wonderwall.