jawn cena

want to feel old? balloons boy is 22 years old. and he is still up there in that balloons

the greatest regret of my life is that i have never received male honorifics at the bodega. they just don’t read me that way. and it’s emotionally devastating

what i love about this clip is that what precedes it is Conan dunking on the subway takes format — and then we get an amazing moment that could only happen in this format!

she sork on my in til i aaron

want to feel old? lights camera jackson has eight grandchildren now

puttin em on the glass for the sunset

you are not allowed to say "peptides" at me unless you can describe to me what a peptides is

joaquin phoenix in new york: hey! i’m joaquin here!

[street fighter voice] your unc is chopped

want to feel old? Delilah from Hey There Delilah has just retired and is now collecting social security benefits

do we think there’s gonna be a “MAKE LAKES GREAT AGAIN” hat?

let’s talk about how nathan cofnas looks like a failed attempt at cloning mark zuckerberg. let’s talk about THAT

just got a youtube ad for mike lawler and man does that guy ever sound like squidward

right now my life is way too kiki, i need it to get a bit more bouba ASAP

Ladies and gentlemen...this is Woke No. 5

[walking up to my amigara fault hole] wweeelp, this is me

if we're doing jared leto again can we please finally get him this time

every day it’s some fucking thing

hang on give me 85 minutes, i just need to peel a hard boiled egg

there are people out there who have decided they don’t like me, probably for valid reasons. and that is Intolerable

excuse me, waiter? i’m sorry to bother you but you put too much O in my OCD

Oh is the sportsball on? I was just reading 𝔗𝔥𝔢 ℭ𝔬𝔫𝔰𝔱𝔦𝔱𝔲𝔱𝔦𝔬𝔫

democrats are winning big tonight

i tried to reach down and grab a paint chip but one of the NPS guys who was vacuuming the pool yelled at me

having a too-full mouth is really chic actually. taking way too big of a bite is extremely sophisticated

skijoring. duh

victor wembanyama has lost the mandate of heaven

i yearn for a day when i no longer have to hear or read the word "agentic"

if rudy beefs it i know a great spot for the funeral

[sitting bolt upright in bed out of a sound sleep] popular knapsack with many locations

sadly the rumors are true: i am an industry plant

i should be legally allowed to throw rocks at cars that drive too fast on my street

This is NOT what I signed up for

the old is dying and the new cannot be born; in this interregnum i am going to the store

tired: stealing a cop’s gun wired: stealing a cop’s car inspired: stealing a cop’s horse