Sam Whyte

Harry Edward Kane. I think that is nice and I think it is probably correct.

You can't have a little baby boy winning the Ballon D'or when you've got a grown ass adult peaking.

Thank you so much to whoever sent me a hot water bottle. I'm gonna be jumping into a cosy bed tonight!!

I just put two cans in the freezer with a diagnosis of inattentive ADHD, an act which might qualify me for a diagnosis of impulsive ADHD.

I can't find my phone, so pound to a penny that's in there too.

I just put two cans in the freezer with a diagnosis of inattentive ADHD, an act which might qualify me for a diagnosis of impulsive ADHD.

Shane Gillis whining about what women wear to the gym has reminded me of the time I was walking there and thought I was being catcalled until I realised I was wearing an Ajax training top and it was actually two Dutch builders chanting "... PSV, PSV ..."

Nudged Mr. S awake to tell him about Lula. Such a rare treat to be able to deliver good world news.

I left the flat. Out out. That's what matters. Now I just have to make it the first of many more.

Every team in the bottom half has got me going "nah, they'll be alright" or "I can't see them going". So my opinion is that no one will get relegated.

The Pogues' "Old Main Drag" was definitely the first time I ever recall a story being told explicitly from the mouth of a queer character. It's interesting where your young self discovers these other lives being lived but seldom spoken of.

God, just pulled myself back from singing along a slur "Frank Ryan brought you whiskey in a brothel in Madrid/ And you decked some fucking blackshirt who was cursing all the Y - whoah-o - close call"

Whenever I post a pic with my best friend (left) on Instagram, some radom dude always replies, "Your mate's fit," and, like, I know ... I've known her for 39 years, it's not the first time I've looked at her.

I don't even need to specify "left". The fit one. She's the fit one. I've been the plain one in two close long-term friendships. I didn't get funny by accident.

Tomorrow I am going out to the theatre to enjoy a nice thing. Obviously, I am riddled with nerves. Trams are off, so it's an unfamiliar double bus. Uber would be, like, £15. Plus, I simply have hardly been out of the flat socially in, like, 6 months. It's OK though. I CAN DO THIS (maybe)

I happen to recall this precise weekend 12 months ago, and that includes NOT being insane. A little unsettled maybe as it was already evident that uni was a massive disappointment. But, regardless, a year ago, I was a sane human enjoying time with good friends. I can turn this tanker back around.