Kreamhilde von Worms

I got promoted to management and now my feet hurt from doing people’s jobs for them.

Lando Calrissian at the grocery store: We need to buy Han more thyme

I have 2 sons: Connor, age 19, lanky and weird, and Conner, age 17, lanky and weird.

Gettin’ stoved by a grampus.

Call me Gjallarhorn because it’ll mean Ragnarok if I ever get blown.

I’ve always wanted to be the most toxic homosexual in the workplace.

I think I’m going to do it

I’m a rudderless tramp

Ew dudes are still wearing skinny jeans in Chicago

sideshowbob_surrounded_by_rakes.gif

Y’know, when you’re rude to a sales associate over the phone, we talk about you. Y’all know this, right?

ATTN: the courthouse in Independence, MO smells like piss and cigarettes today.

The warm southern wind is carrying a stifling amount of cedar pollen and my sinuses are suffering for it.

Friday the 13th? Utter absurdity. Prime numbers have no bearing on luck or misfortune.

Santa dood. Wat nau?

‘Tis a dark day indeed

All I want is to mark a date on the calendar with “wiener removal day”

Nothing is yours. It is to use. It is to share. If you will not share it, you cannot use it.

*in my best Michael Gambon voice* It is a Black Friday indeed.

I find it reassuring that rage is ephemeral. It doesn’t create a lot of value and just fades into white noise.

Just sloughed enough to clog the tub

Got roused from slumber early so a contractor could refinish the bathtub. Just grouchily eating a big breakfast and mulling about until work at noon. Didn’t even have time to moisturize

I will never vote for this man. I'm just going to say that right now

um ackshully it’s a waxing gibbous

Current state of transition:

Bought a maid costume in order to torment my roommate, and he’s still not taking the bait.

Haunted by this feeling that I’m forgetting something important

Did something happen today?

please fucking start hrt. i know its hard and scary especially right now but PLEASE start hrt

I beat therapy. I finished all the quests. What do I win?

Fun new name for my hole

Coming out to my parents tonight. Probably gonna suck

In Michigan we have “party stores.” They sell beer, ice cream, and gardening products. They rock.

I rescue crows now

“I don’t disagree” = “you’re right and I resent you for it”

American Utopia is great. Thanks David Byrne

New wizards: Ganjalf the Green Frottigund the Clingy Milt Bitterman the Accountant

I think I deserve to live, and that point is non-negotiable

i miss love i’m ms love been trying to meet you

this monkey has gone to heaven

Not gonna despair today Nice try, america

80 F and foggy, it’s like living in a Turkish bath

mother your youngest spawn is a GAY and a TRANSSEXUAL comment?

I wonder if u told Kraftwerk when they started out that they'd be laying the groundwork for thousands of girls with penises to make music if they would've been stoked or super stoked

New moon Fireflies Stars Excellent night for a romantic fuck

The odor of cigarettes makes me nostalgic for a stage of my life I didn’t even enjoy (indie sleeze era, Ann Arbor)